My Terrible Experience with an American in Ireland
I’m gobsmacked with her words and actions.
We came to Ireland a little over two weeks ago, and almost immediately we ran into an immense obstacle. There is, quite literally, very little housing in Ireland. The government says it will build 24,000 units per year, but that 36,000 units per year are needed. It says it will only break even in the year 2030.
Why has this situation developed? I suspect that the law that 20% of any newly built housing estate has to be given to the government for social housing. That would bite deeply into profit, and when builders only build for profit, that would, indeed, be off-putting. However, that is a story for another day.
We were lucky!
Somewhere around our second week, through networking, my daughter found someone who wanted to be out of her two bedroom cottage by the end of June as she didn’t want to pay double rent.
I don’t know much about the original conversation (via whatsapp) between my daughter and her, but I saw the picture of the kitchen, It had wooden cabinets, some appliances (although I couldn’t see which as a result of the camera angle), and a nice large fridge — one of those with two doors. The door at the bottom opened to the freezer and the door at the top to the fridge.
So we were were quite clear we wanted the apartment — it was €1300 per month, substantially less than the minimal €2000 I anticpated paying. That’s still a lot of money for us, but we knew upfront that housing in Ireland would be expensive.
At some point after we said that we would take the apartment, the previous tenant informed my daughter that the landlord said would buy the furniture, so we would move into a furnished cottage.
Meeting the previous tenant
We arranged to see the cottage, meet the tenant (let’s call her Mary), and meet the landlord all at the same time. We were going to go a bit ealier so that we could see the cottage and speak to the existing tenant.
Upon arrival, Mary invited to sit, and then said, in somewhat condescending tone, that the original fridge that came with the cottage had been too small, so she had bought a fridge (without freezer) and an upright freezer. She explained that the fridge would remain with the cottage, and then asked if was I interested in buying the upright freezer.
She also wanted us to consider buying the kingsize bed (which she said was very comfortable) as well as the dishwasher which she put in. I didn’t want to buy any of the stuff but didn’t know how to say that in case I lost the opportunity of renting the cottage.
It occurred to me that one cannot just get rid of a landlord’s fridge and then replace a fridge/freezer with a fridge. I was puzzled why she would do that.
She also told me that the radiators were in terrible condition, or they were terrible, ugly to look at, and she had bought radiator covers to cover them. I couldn’t see them at that point, and I certainly didn’t want rusted, bent radiators to look at. So I said yes.
When I later removed the radiator covers, they were in good condition, not a mark on them, and painted white. There was nothing wrong with them. So I paid out 140 euros for nothing. As they take up necessary space, I want to get rid of them. Anyone else like to throw 140 euros away?
As I hadn’t yet seen the cottage, I asked if I could see it. She said yes, and showed me the wardrobes, the bathroom, two bedrooms, etc. There was a disconnected drier in the kitchen. She said that she bought it because the washer/drier didn’t dry clothes. She wanted to know if I wanted to buy it. Again, I didn’t respond. As far as I knew washer/driers did dry clothes, and I saw no need for another drier, especially a disconnected one.
Intermixed with all this, Mary said that she had left her husband because he had abused her, and that the cottage had been fine for her and her baby, but she had met someone who was now staying with her, and the place was now too small. They had found a four-bedroom house, and she didn’t want to pay three rents. Her boyfriend was already paying rent on his house. That’s why she wanted someone to take over from June, 1st. She had been in Ireland for six years, but it sounded like she had been in the cottage some two years. That’s the impression I got.
I was puzzled how Mary could meet someone during the pandemic and asked if she had met her boyfriend before or during the pandemic. She hesitated for a moment, and then said she met him during the pandemic.
The landlord and the €3,900
The landlord was late, but he eventually arrived. Almost the first thing that the tenant asked the landlord was when she would be paid the money for her furniture. He looked bewildered and replied that he didn’t know anything about it. Then he asked her what price, and she said €3,900.
He gave her a blunt no. She was somewhat gobsmacked and asked why. He said that she had only been in the cottage nine months and that she had said that she would stay until he asked her to move, and that the the sum would remove all his profit. She retorted that she would then take it all with her.
I breathed a sigh of relief. I seriously didn’t want her stuff. It was too large for the cottage, and the pieces weren’t my style. The landlord turned to me and asked what I would do if there was no furniture in the cottage. I replied that I would buy my own. He nodded.
The landlord and I then had a brief conversation. It was difficult for me to understand as a result of a heavy Irish accent (I have an auditory processing disorder). After his departure, I knew instinctively that Mary would want me to buy her goods, so I said immediately, “I’m not paying €3,900 for your stuff.”
Caught in between a rock and a hard place
She then asked me to take a bit of time to consider purchasing it, and she would send us the price list of what she paid for all the items and I could then make an offer. Mary and I then made arrangements for us to meet again on the following Sunday (after the cleaners had been there) when we would collect the keys. She wanted to get her deposit back from the landlord, she said.
She also asked me for a copy of my lease with the landlord. I was gobsmacked. Since when do previous tenants ask future tenants for copies of their leases? My daughter, always accommodating, said yes.
On the bus home, I told my daughter that Mary would not be receiving a copy of our lease, and I would only be interested in buying the induction hob, the radiator covers (she said that the radiators were in terrible shape), and the cabinet next to the door. My daughter said that she wanted the dishwasher, and though I prefer to wash dishes by hand, I said yes to my daughter.
Somewhere along the bus ride, the list of prices arrived, totalling €6,100. I worked out that she had been happy with 2/3 of that price from the landlord.
When I got home, I was exhausted and went to sleep. When I awoke, my daughter told me that she had already told the tenant that we would take the four items (dishwasher, induction hob, the cabinet at the door, and the radiator covers) at the price mentioned on the price list.
I was somewhat horrified, but as my daughter had committed, there was nothing more I could do. So I told my daughter to say we would be willing to pay the full price for the dishwasher, the door cabinet, the induction hob, and the radiator covers as a sign of goodwill, and because we felt bad that the landlord had let her down.
Things start going south rapidly after that
At some point after that, Mary messaged my daughter to say that the landlord had done a turnabout, and that he was buying the table and chairs (terrible chairs), dishwasher, and cupboards (wardrobes). We were both somewhat peeved, but okay with the dishwasher as my daughter wanted it. That meant we only had to buy three items.
A day or so later, we met with the landlord to sign the lease. I was still pissed that he had bought her furniture, and I wondered why. Some instinct told me that Mary had told him I wanted her household goods. I mentioned the dishwasher and cupboads. He said that the dishwasher was his — that it did not belong to Mary.
Well, that set me thinking.
Sunday
We met at two on Sunday afternoon. At that point, the second time I had been to the cottage, I really wanted to take a longer look around. I was now also thinking more about the fridge without the freezer. It wasn’t going to work. I also only wanted one fridge, because I don’t like lots of clutter and stuff in my kitchen. I also don’t buy piles of food.
So I asked her what happened to the previous fridge. She told me it was broken. Well, that was different to what she told me initially — that she had replaced it because the landlord’s fridge was too small…
I asked for the electric meter reading. She said she would send it to me. I asked where the electricity meter was, but she didn’t answer. It was outside the front door, above the gas meter which she had just shown my daughter. Was it possible that Mary didn’t want me to see the electricity meter reading?
Monday — move in day — when things begin to go South
Monday was when I discovered that she had stripped the bedroom closet. There was nothing but big empty space — no shelves, no drawers, nothing. The few shelves that were left were bent out of shape.
I was pissed — deeply peeved. Firstly, I didn’t want her damned things. I didn’t like her taste or her sense of proportion. One does not put large items in small cottages.
So I called the landlord and asked him to come over. He arrived later. We showed him the before and after pictures. He was insistant that the dishwasher was his and that he had offered €700 for the cupboards only. That was a ludicrous figure, by the way. With the bedroom wardrobe stripped of shelving and drawers, that is what it would have cost (about) new for the two cupboards (the other one in the sitting room).
He called her.
He wanted to know what happened to his fridge. She told him the fridge in the cottage was his. He told her that he had never seen a fridge like that, and he would never buy a fridge without a freezer. She was insistant. He told her that the new tenants (us) didn’t want her furniture. She must have insisted that we did because he gave the phone to me. She probably didn’t realize that we were with him.
I lost it. I wish I was better at unexpected situations. Then, again, if one has Asperger’s Syndrome and an Auditory Processing Disorder, one is inclined to blurt out the truth. Lying does not come easily. It’s too much of a complex process. Instant conversation is difficult for those with an Auditory Processing Disorder.
I asked about the shelves in the wardrobe. She retorted that she had taken them for her new home. I told her that the frame without the shelves and drawers were worthless. She said that they weren’t — that I could buy shelves and drawers (or the landlord could)that it had nothing to do with me, as she had sold them to the landlord.
That’s when I really lost it. I told her that she wanted to sell me the dishwasher when it actually belonged to the landlord. She put the phone down on me.
We went home.
Retaliation
Within hours, my daughter was blocked from several Irish expat groups on Facebook and labed a ‘scammer’. The story on social media was that one of their members had had a ‘terrible experience with a scammer.
My daughter got in touch with the moderators of the group where she had met Mary. Presenting the facts, the pictures, the screenshots of the texts did nothing to change their decision.
When my daughter told me, I was horrified. Everybody knows bosses look at Facebook. This would affect her ability to find a job. Mary had directly attacked my daughter’s ability to find work in a new country, and my daughter wasn’t even the supposed guilty party!
I discovered that I had also been blocked as had my daughter. There was no way I could get hold of her. However, as Mary was the director of a pretty well known leftie publication, I emailed the organisation and asked them to ask Mary to retract the statement that my daughter was a scammer and to reinstate my daughter into the various FB groups.
I explained to the publication that the reason for this was that their director was responsible for collecting donations for the group, and if this was the kind of behavior she displayed in her dealings with others, I felt it was in the public interest for donors to know who they were dealing with.
I think it’s obvious that I have serious issues with the Mary’s perspectives.
About the previous tenent
I googled Mary and found something she had written on Medium when she first became a director of this organisation. I am not going to quote it verbatim, because a simple search would enable you to name her, and I don’t want that done.
The … greatest act of revolution is to give up hate and return to love… In doing this, we … restore their humanity.
Her actions, in slandering my daughter, falsely accusing her of being a scammer, of leveraging considerable power in doing so, is nothing short of hatred. This is not a woman with love in her heart. Her every action up to that point has been questionable.
Tuesday
The landlord came to take another look at the fridge and the cupboards. He asked us if we wanted any of it. We said no. He was adamant that he would never buy a fridge like that (and I believe him). What landlord would buy a fridge without a freezer section for his tenants?
He texted her and allowed me to read it. The text said that he wasn’t going to buy her stuff, that she was to fetch them, and she would receive her deposit back when everything was finished — with deductions. I guess he has to buy a new fridge.
It also emerged that she put the phone down on him at some point, and that it was now texting only.
Wednesday
On Wednesday evening, my daughter noticed someone sneaking in front of the cottage. It was Mary’s boyfriend fetching the three trashcans. My daughter went out to meet him, and he said that the landlord (Pat) had called Mary a thief, and that Mary had replaced the fridge because it had mold. So that, then was four different stories.
- She replaced the landlord’s fridge because it was too small.
- The fridge was broken
- It actually was the landlord’s fridge.
- She had replaced the fridge because it had mold.
Holy shit. This poor guy. I wonder at what point he is going to realize that he is dealing with someone who evidences poor behaviour.
Thursday
Mary whatsapped my daughter to say that the landlord had barred her from entering the premises, that she was going to go to the police to have him arrested for theft, and that she now stood to lose €3000 (stuff and nonsense).
As my daughter read the text of this message to her, I felt the hairs on the back of my neck rise. I had vision of a past stepmother, of Amber Heard, of sociopathic behaviour, and I wanted to run.
The fact of the matter is that if one puts fitted furniture into a rented property, one will lose that inventment when one moves out. There is no obligation for the landlord or anyone else to buy it. The total cost of the Ikea cupboards from the price list she sent us was €1000. In addition, she chose to get rid of the landlord’s fridge. That is a loss to the landlord — not to her. I paid her for the induction hob, the radiator covers, and the cabinet next to the door. There is no loss of €3000. Her reasoning is a mite off.
All of this venom just to ask if her boyfriend could collect the table and chairs. He did, later that evening.
Friday
My daughter received a text from one of the American In Ireland Facebook groups to say that she was now blocked because I had threatened this lady’s job. The message also said that every single expat group in Ireland would be informed, and we would be blocked from them all.
From what was said to my daughter in the email, Mary has had a field day telling stories. She appears to be skilled liar, able to manipulate others around her, and she has no concern at all for the impact these false accustions would have on my daughter’s life.
Normal, well-intentioned people don’t do this sort of thing, and that a director of a supposedly respected leftie publication does, is frightening.
My daughter, who is on the spectrum, and who has struggled all her life, is now unfairly judged by a group of people who do not want to know the entire story. This is groupthink — dangerous — deadly — where the innocent get slaughered.
It reminds me of what happened to Johnny Depp. A seriously disturbed women accused him of something he wasn’t guilty of. She got away with it for six years because she played the victim. Then, her lies began to be exposed, and as her lies were exposed, she lost credibility.
And the Facebook moderators? They’re sticking to their guns. It’s not that they no longer know that what Mary said is a load of codswallop. They know that know. Nope, now they’re claining that she will remained blocked because I dared to threaten her job. They seem oblivious of the irony of that — that they, indeed, threatened my daughter’s ability to find work.
I can’t help wondering about this lady…
WTF is wrong with her? She tries to sell us items that don’t belong to her (the dishwasher). She gets rid of the landlord’s fridge, gives a variety of different stories as to why she did that, tells the landlord that the fridge is actually his, accuses my daughter of being a scammer publicly and gets my daughter chucked off various FB groups for American expats. I guess we all know that on FB a lot of people will believe anything.
Am I missing something here? None of this seems acceptable or normal behaviour to me. It certainly isn’t ethical. What strikes me most is that it doesn’t seem to occur to her that we remember what she said previously, and when she comes up with something different, it is clear that she and honesty are not on good terms.
At this point, I am wondering whether to contact the board of directors directly — to ask them why they didn’t ask me for more details. I also can’t help wondering if Mary is economical with the truth when she asks donors for money. In fact, as I sent my email to reception, it occurs to me that maybe the board of directors doesn’t even know about this. As Mary posted the contents of my email on the FB groups, it appears obvious that she was given it. Did the receptionist give it to her?
That said, if that is the response of the directors, this media group is not in line with the public face it claims.
Well, that’s my story of a terrible experience with an American in Ireland. Fortunately, I count more Americans as friends than any other nation in the world, and despite my sometimes harsh criticism of the country and some political factions, I know that I am, indeed, privileged to have so many wonderful Americans in my life.
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In case anyone realizes who this is, please be kind. I am not without hope that this is all a misunderstanding that it would revolved itself. Truthfully, I cannot understand the actions and words of the previous tenant. However, I do not wish to cause anyone any overt harm, and mentioning names would do that.
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