My Teacher. My Example. My Dad.

Summary

The author attributes his personal development and values to the influential role of his father, who embodied strength, intellect, and integrity, and played a significant role in the struggle against apartheid in South Africa.

Abstract

The author pays homage to his father, describing him as a man of diverse qualities—strength, grace, justice, generosity, restraint, humility, and pride. Born in South Africa in 1937, the father's life was marked by the struggle against apartheid, which shaped his mission and influenced his family's life, including the author's upbringing in Botswana and later Kenya. The author emphasizes the profound impact of his father's teachings on his own life, particularly in roles as a husband, father, and pursuer of dreams. He admires his father's integrity, relentless pursuit of passions, and the values he instilled, which the author now passes on to his children and future generations.

Opinions

The author views his father as a role model who combined physical strength with intellectual prowess and moral integrity.
He believes that his father's balanced approach to life's challenges is exemplary and has deeply influenced his own parenting and personal philosophy.
The author expresses admiration for his father's unwavering commitment to the anti-apartheid struggle

The Reason I am the Man I am Today

A lion is approaching a gazelle. You have an opportunity to prevent the impending carnage from happening. If you want someone to wrestle the lion to the ground and subdue it, you would call my brother. If you want someone to face it, to confront it and reason with it in an attempt to talk it down, you would call me. If you need someone to do both, you would call my Dad.

Dad is a perfect mix of brain and brawn, grace and justice, generosity and restraint, humility, and pride.

Dad was born in South Africa in 1937, the third of five children. It was early in his life that he realized that his own country wasn’t his. It had been taken over and he had been relegated to less than human status because of his skin colour. Apartheid was the rule of law when my dad grew up and destroying it became his mission.

grey-haired Dad flanked by me(left, purple shirt) and my brother(right).

The earliest memory of my Dad is when I was 10 years old. This was because prior to that Dad was fully committed to the struggle against apartheid. My two sisters and I were living with my grandmother in Botswana at this time. Dad had left South Africa in the early ’60s and wanted to return there to raise his family.

It was in 1976 when I turned 10 that I went to live with Mom and Dad full-time in Kenya. In his wisdom, Dad had educated himself well while active in the struggle and as a Civil Engineer had lined up a good job at the University of Nairobi.

Thankfully, I had my Dad to learn from. Prior to learning from my Dad, I had a fantastic head start with access to uncles who were great Dads and family men. But I am the man I am today because of my Dad.

He taught me how to be a husband. My Dad loved my Mom. Woe betide you if you hurt her in any way, emotional or physical. I never talked back to my Mom because I was afraid of my Dad. Mom told me once that she was married to a man who had never once raised his voice to her. Wow!

He taught me how to be a father. If you hear me talk to my children, you’ve heard my Dad talk to us. As Provider, Protector, Teacher, and Disciplinarian he was second to none. He went to work every day and had time to play Scrabble with us. Dad had arms that rivaled Popeye’s so I felt safe with him. We had encyclopedia Britannica at home but I just went to Dad. He knew everything. My kids just google it to prove that I don’t know as much as I think I do. We disciplined differently but we disciplined for the same reasons: disobedience, rudeness, bad behaviour, telling lies, deceit, etc.

He taught me to follow my dreams. There was always some experiment going on at home. Dad wanted to create something that was going to better the world somehow. He explained it to me once but I forget now. The point is he pursued it relentlessly. He has moved on to other pursuits now and I really think that it is these pursuits that are keeping him alive in spirit and body. He is 82 years old but could still be in his early sixties. I plan on pursuing my passions well onto my deathbed because of his example.

He taught me to be a man of integrity. There is a line in a movie that has stuck with me since I heard it. In the movie Kingdom of Heaven, as Liam Neeson is knighting Orlando Bloom he says, “Always tell the truth even if it means your death.” I have failed to live up to that edict, telling a lie to prevent an argument with my wife. I believe my Dad would live up to it. His yes was yes and his no, no. He was and is a man of his word and he passed that on to me and I did the same to my kids.

Much of what I learned I learned by watching. While he did teach me to drive, I didn’t learn stereotypical things like using tools, fishing, hunting, and the like. Those are things I don’t enjoy or have no appreciation for anyway so I’m good. He raised me by instilling values in me that would make me a good man.

My wonderful wife and I have raised three children and I was able to be the father I was and continue to be because I had a great mentor. Our grandson and other grandkids to come will also get the benefit of that teaching.

Here’s to raising a generation of great moms and dads.