My Struggle And Acceptance With Being a Late Bloomer

It was like getting the short end of the stick in life.

Some time during my high school years, I felt different than the kids around me.

I couldn’t pinpoint how, but I knew I was feeling behind the curve of my peers.

I thought maybe if I tried hard enough, or ignored it long enough, it will go away.

Others probably had no idea; it seemed like I was hitting all the age-specific milestones. I’ve always been a quick learner, and can pick up concepts faster than some classmates. I also cared about my grades and falling behind, so I was diligent in completing assignments to a certain standard. Because of that, I received merit awards for college, graduated with my Bachelors early, and had a job lined up.

It turned out I only excelled in areas that were straight and narrow, areas with little room for creativity or expansion.

The different ways of communication, ability to empathize and manage feelings, patience, understanding and awareness, tolerance, open-mindedness, establishing self-esteem… those did not become lessons for me until later on in life.

It was hard to understand how some people were able to make certain decisions early on that seemed unpopular or mature for their age. How did they deal with the peer pressure? How did they know themselves so well and have so much confidence they were making the right choices?

A girl in high school stated she needs to pick a certain major because she wants to be making at least $60k when she graduated college.

My cousin was able to shave off two years of unnecessary schooling because she was so sure she wanted to be a pharmacist, she didn’t waste time with other electives.

There was the guy who decided to join the cheerleading squad simply because he wanted to, despite the bullying and crap he had to put up with.

Or the coworker who was making decent money as a manager, but aiming for an entry-level marketing position because that’s where her heart was.

And then there was me, who thought I was so smart I can get rich quick with minimal effort.

By the time I hit my mid to late twenties, my peer group was already making headway into their chosen career field, hurtling towards promotions, fancy titles, and exciting projects. Here I was, still managing a retail pharmacy with no sight of progress, in career or in life.

That was it, I thought, I was going to be slaving away at this place, all my years of hard work and schooling amounting to nothing.

It’s not that late bloomers are stupid; we just seem to learn things at a later time than our peers. I can certainly say that’s been true for me, and unfortunately, not having those timely lessons affected my decision-making skills, which in turn, affected my path in life.

In high school and college, I forwent opportunities to expand my worldview by not joining any clubs or taking any classes that weren’t required. I wanted to graduate as quickly as possible, not saddle myself with extra work. How will learning pottery be a marketable skill?

What I failed to realize then was the people you meet and the experiences you accumulate are worth far more than what grade you earned in Sociology 101. The frills of life, of exploring your interests, of relating to others, of making mistakes… those are the soft skills best learned early on, because it’s much harder as the years go by.

When I graduated college, I took the retail management job I didn’t want all because I said I would. I thought I was acting with integrity, but what I could have done was express my gratitude and moved on. Not knowing how to assert myself led to 7 prime work years wasted with no substantial growth.

When I met my ex-husband, I judged him on traits of success, power, and popularity rather than important ones like kindness, patience, and humility. Choosing him was a combination of immaturity, low self-esteem, and not knowing my own values. Our presences elevated each other’s lives, and we enjoyed the social status that brought. But, as others have learned before making this mistake, this type of life is not sustainable and does not bring real joy.

The more apparent it became, the more disappointed I was with myself. I hated that I was a late bloomer, and associated it with stupidity and slowness. If only I had been smarter, I would have avoided all the pitfalls. If only I had listened to the older, wiser folks, I might not have to suffer heartbreak. I read pieces on late bloomers, hoping to find some ‘cure’.

It took a long, long while for me to see late blooming with a new perspective. Such is life that I have to learn things the hard way. But when I did, I tended to avoid the mistakes again. I began to accept that this was who I am, and found ways to adapt.

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. — Henry David Thoreau

I remind myself that timing is everything, and everyone walks at their own pace. Prodigies reap early success, but doesn’t mean it can’t happen later too. You sometimes hear about the person who was ahead of the curve, but then lost steam in the middle. I just have to keep on keeping on, and prepare for any opportunities that may come my way.

I started seeing the future me in others, and learning from their failures or successes. What I mean by that is when meeting someone, I can recognize if they are similar to me in personality, except they are a few steps ahead in life. Asking them about their choices that got them to where they are allows me to use their hindsight as my foresight. That’s valuable experience I didn’t have to spend the time learning myself.

I also used my newfound wisdom (if you can call it that) to mentor the younger generation, to ensure they know that life is not a race. I grew up with a lot of pressure and comparisons, and want to be an ear and support for those who may be going through the same. Kids want reassurance that they are accepted and loved just for who they are, not for who their potential to be.

I still struggle with being a late bloomer some days, but don’t feel it to be a curse anymore. Instead, it is met with a lot of self-compassion and understanding. As long as I keep progressing, there will always be a path for me.