My step-mum has so little, yet she’s willing to give it all away

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Abstract

-phased by her door being banged on in the middle of the night and finding her step-daughter an emotional wreck. She’s that sort of person.When she was younger, she backpacked across Europe and lived in Spain for years. She worked in bars and restaurants, hardly able to speak a word of Spanish, and when she got fed up with a place, she packed her one bag and moved on. She didn’t worry about saving up for a deposit on a house or a new car. She lived hand to mouth.Even when she returned to the UK and trained as a nurse, she never felt the trappings of materialism, and always found more pleasure in giving than having.She’s retired now, and a series of health issues have left her disabled. She has a tiny one bed flat that is partly funded by social housing benefits. Every time I go and visit her, she tries to give me something — a book, some clothes, a trinket or two. Whatever she has. If I unintentionally admire something in her house, it’s mine.She’s tried to give me money before, despite that fact that she survives on a state pension and I’m fully employed. I haven’t let her, so instead she’s bought me things like toiletries

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and edible treats to show she cares.I wish I could be more like her, but I am petrified of not having enough money.I keep a close watch on my spending and have some money saved away “for a rainy day”. When I need something, I research the most cost effective item and will only buy something at the end of the month if my spendings haven’t been too high. My friends don’t know it, but I limit the number of social engagements that I have in a month so that I don’t overspend on going out for dinners and train tickets. Where possible, I suggest activities that are cheap like walking or going to free museums. I spend far less than my monthly wage, just in case.I’ve never lived hand to mouth, and I’ve been lucky enough not to have to. I think it takes a certain bravery, a certain freedom of spirit to choose a life like that and not to worry about mortgages and loans and deposits and all of the other trappings of things.My step-mum can give things away easily because she realises that real value can’t be found in an object. It’s found in health. It’s found in adventure. It’s found in family and friends you love.</article></body>

I wish I could be as generous as she is

My step-mum has never had any money. If there is £100 in her account, she considers herself extremely well off.

Her and my dad are not married and their relationship is complicated. Over the years it’s evolved into more of a very supportive friendship rather than a partnership.

I also have a complicated relationship with my her and we haven’t always seen eye to eye. But she is the person who I know I can go to in the middle of the night in tears because something big has happened.

I have had to do this before, and her reaction was to rub my back for several hours before running me a bath and making me scrambled eggs on toast. She was totally un-phased by her door being banged on in the middle of the night and finding her step-daughter an emotional wreck. She’s that sort of person.

When she was younger, she backpacked across Europe and lived in Spain for years. She worked in bars and restaurants, hardly able to speak a word of Spanish, and when she got fed up with a place, she packed her one bag and moved on. She didn’t worry about saving up for a deposit on a house or a new car. She lived hand to mouth.

Even when she returned to the UK and trained as a nurse, she never felt the trappings of materialism, and always found more pleasure in giving than having.

She’s retired now, and a series of health issues have left her disabled. She has a tiny one bed flat that is partly funded by social housing benefits. Every time I go and visit her, she tries to give me something — a book, some clothes, a trinket or two. Whatever she has. If I unintentionally admire something in her house, it’s mine.

She’s tried to give me money before, despite that fact that she survives on a state pension and I’m fully employed. I haven’t let her, so instead she’s bought me things like toiletries and edible treats to show she cares.

I wish I could be more like her, but I am petrified of not having enough money.

I keep a close watch on my spending and have some money saved away “for a rainy day”. When I need something, I research the most cost effective item and will only buy something at the end of the month if my spendings haven’t been too high. My friends don’t know it, but I limit the number of social engagements that I have in a month so that I don’t overspend on going out for dinners and train tickets. Where possible, I suggest activities that are cheap like walking or going to free museums. I spend far less than my monthly wage, just in case.

I’ve never lived hand to mouth, and I’ve been lucky enough not to have to. I think it takes a certain bravery, a certain freedom of spirit to choose a life like that and not to worry about mortgages and loans and deposits and all of the other trappings of things.

My step-mum can give things away easily because she realises that real value can’t be found in an object. It’s found in health. It’s found in adventure. It’s found in family and friends you love.