Summary

The article is a reflective monologue on the interconnected evolution of humans and trees, juxtaposing historical atrocities with the potential for human enlightenment and cooperation inspired by our arboreal ancestors.

Abstract

The author muses on the relationship between humans and trees, suggesting that our evolution alongside trees has shaped our intelligence and capabilities, leading to achievements like music and space exploration. The piece contrasts the serene enlightenment of Buddha under a tree with the darker side of human history, including the use of nuclear weapons and the horrors of war. It touches on the absurdity of human behavior, referencing Kafka and the rapid transition from Einstein's theoretical breakthroughs to their destructive application. The author expresses a desire for a future where humanity can overcome its worst impulses, perhaps through a natural compound from trees, and embrace cooperation to face challenges like climate change. The essay concludes with an appeal to learn from trees, which stand strong and contribute to life without engaging in conflict.

Opinions

The author implies that humans, as descendants of tree-dwelling primates, have an intrinsic connection with trees that has influenced our evolution and intelligence.
There is a critical view of humanity's capacity for destruction, as seen in the development and use of nuclear weapons and the atrocities of war.
The piece suggests that humor and comedians could play a role in achieving enlightenment and should not be underestimated.
The author reflects on the irony and absurdity of human existence, likening it to the works of Kafka and the risks of totalitarian regimes like Nazi Germany.
There is an optimistic belief that humans can learn from trees to overcome hierarchical social structures and the tendency to follow authoritarian leaders.
The essay posits that cooperation is essential for human survival and progress, especially in the face of global challenges such as climate change and overpopulation.
The author expresses a hope for a future discovery in trees that could chemically alter human behavior towards greater harmony and away from conflict.

My Stand-Up Monologue About Trees & Us

Co-evolution, but we’re still monkeys

Moss Covered Trees & Ferns, Atop Cape Perpetua on the Oregon Coast, photo by the Author, John Levin

I wonder what trees think of us? I mean we go back a long way. Cows or buffaloes, or pigs, I guess, too, probably don’t think too often about trees, but … Gautam Buddha became Enlightened while sitting under a tree. Dawn was approaching, and, as he watched the last star, perhaps the planet Venus, disappear below the horizon, the last bit of his ego disappeared, too, and he became one with the whole non-existence.

Well, that’s pretty cool. Of course, I understate… Comedians, perhaps, can become Enlightened. There’s no law against it. In fact, a bit of humor gets you lots of places.

In Nazi Germany, it was illegal to tell jokes about the Fuhrer. You had to watch out. Your neighbor, your co-worker, maybe your own wife or kids could rat you out. That’s how insane we are as a human race.

If the Aliens do ever land, I wonder what old TV broadcasts they’ll have learned human-ese from? Personally, I hope it’s old Rodney Dangerfield jokes from the Tonight Show, but I’m an optimist.

They say that Murphy was an optimist, but I think we should go one better: Kafka was an optimist. Now you’re talking truth. I mean, look at the human race. We took a sweetheart like Albert Einstein, who just had a lightbulb moment and realized E=MC2 in 1905. It took us just 40 years to blow up two Japanese cities with it, hundreds of thousands of people dead or with radiation sickness or their skin peeling off their bodies. Wow.

The Japanese military deserved the retribution for their hideous bayonetting of children and even biological warfare against completely innocent people in China, the massacres of hundreds of thousands. The civilians of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, not to mention the firebombing of Tokyo and other Japanese cities earlier in 1945, did not deserve the retribution. But that’s how it goes, isn’t it?

Today, there are human beings who live off of garbage dumps. I wonder when they’re going to get their covid vaccinations? That’s really scary!

So when do you think the Aliens are going to arrive? If they’re understanding how Kafka was an optimist, it might be awhile.

Was Stalin an optimist? There’s an angle. Maybe Trotsky was. I recently, by the purest Internet accident, ran across a propaganda pamphlet by the big Communist T. He was snookering people with descriptions of fake worker joy in the incipient Soviet Union, and, looking at it now, all the lies are so fucking obvious, it makes me sick….

OK, but back to the subject: Cows don’t care about trees. Their whole evolutionary history has to do with grass. But humans … we’re descended from lemurs and monkeys hopping around in trees. TREES. WOOD. Lyres and banjos. Guitars. Drumming on logs. Music!

Our brains are wired for knowing how to jump and catch that next branch (instead of the ground) without a thought in your head. (Monkeys really don’t write Shakespeare. They don’t need to.) Monkeys and branches -> Humans and Mars landings. Cows are OK. I mean, they really are: Ice cream, cheese, yogurt, pizza. They’re our buds, too, you know.

But if grass lovers (rather than tree lovers) had developed language, technology, and intelligence, it would be a different place. Wow , maybe World War I would have been between the cows and the buffaloes. That’s another weird thought: Wars over grass. Maybe the cows and buffaloes would have had competing imperialist empires … enslaving the pigs? Dude, I don’t know. I’m falling back on my Kafka optimism again.

I’m glad, though, that our human intelligence is (evolutionarily) connected with trees. There’s hope for us. It’s true that we have every stupidity imaginable, but I really am an optimist. Perhaps there’s some chemical waiting to be discovered — in trees! — that works like a neurotransmitter in us, and short circuits all the obedience to the alpha male (or female) behavioral stuff in our brains, the stuff that programs people to either be “leaders” or “followers.” I’m sick and fucking tired of obedience, and I hope you are, too.

Cooperation is better. That way we get more ideas! And, with Climate Change and 7,874,965,825 of us on the planet in 2021 (Hey, it’s Google. They know!) … we need every idea we can get.

So let’s learn from the trees. They stand tall. They hold their ground! They’re green like Kermit. They don’t fight.

And they breathe for us all.

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