My Son is the Only Brown Toddler in His Classroom

Drop-off and pick-up time are like scenes from the ‘Twilight Zone’ Monday through Friday. A few blocks from daycare, I slowly wind down the volume to our quickly aging Kia. If you pulled up next to me just a few minutes prior, you would’ve caught a glimpse of me matching the lyrical flow of several 90’s rappers. I’m likely to park near a matching his/her Audi or Tesla on any given day. I remind myself, “your family deserves to experience the same privileges they do.”

Who are “they”?

They are marketing agents, consultants, lawyers, and associate professors. They are predominantly white, in their mid-30’s — 40’s, and likely, able to walk to and from home if they please. They are not like us in most aspects.

Who are we?

I am a Seattle Transplant, with just under three years in the Emerald City. More immediately, I am a Latino teacher and marathon runner. My extended family is brown to the core. Picture this: (pre-Covid 19 days) when someone has a birthday, it warrants a full-blown backyard party with Tejano and Country music blaring; being brown doesn’t restrict us from loving George Strait. All thirteen nieces/nephews, three older sisters, stepfather, and mother visit each other most days. You pretty much have to force people to go home.

Our family moved here from a college town in Texas to enjoy the beauty and adventure in the area. Making the relocation here was years in the making. But what finally nudged us was the surprising and exciting news that we were expecting a child! Within a few weeks, I notified my employer that we were making the leap I always spoke of. This first-generation college graduate from the barrio has always had plans.

The Disconnect

Every time I receive a picture or video from my son’s daycare, I take a keen interest in his surroundings. Who is playing near him? What activity are they doing? Does he look happy? My biggest concern is that he is being treated differently by the teachers and toddlers.

To be clear, I know his daycare means well. In fact, the teachers are a diverse group (age, sex, ethnicity, etc.). One may think, “if the teachers more closely reflect your sons’ background, then why are you worried he will be treated differently?” The answer is simple: every person is capable of practicing racist tendencies. In fact, POC (people of color) are known to show hidden bias against other POC to the point that we don’t really realize we’re guilty of it.

From my experience as a Latino man and teacher, I have been known to withhold my authentic self. I have also seen black and brown teachers cater more to white & affluent students' needs and wants. This happens for two reasons: 1) teachers of color begin to assimilate and see themselves as a part of the dominant culture, or 2) teachers feel the real or perceived pressure to provide more resources and opportunities for white/affluent students. Very rarely are teachers knowingly engaging in this behavior. That’s the tough part. It’s difficult to pinpoint the root and even more difficult to start the conversation with a school and teacher.

What’s in my control

I learned an invaluable lesson from my mother during childhood. “For your family, be willing to go any length to secure what you all deserve in life.” She didn’t speak these words; she’s embodied them my entire life.

So, while I am willing and capable of having tough conversations with his teachers, it’s more important that we show him:

1. He is dearly loved

2. He belongs

3. He is one of a kind (and if you met him, you’d agree)

We can barely afford to send him to this daycare, which is why he stayed at home with his mother for the first two years, and I get the impression that most parents and teachers at his daycare recognize this. Within the last few months, we were forced to make tough budgetary concessions just to get by.

Rather than playing into this fear, his mother and I choose to put those feelings aside. We follow the same “dame un beso” routine at pick-up and drop-off. We always remind him to say bye to his friends. And, we match his jumping enthusiasm the moment our eyes lock during pick-up.

My son is the only brown kid in his classroom, and that’s something we don’t take for granted!

Do we plan to put him through private school? No, we do not. But that’s a story for another day.