My Selection — How to Win Friends And Influence People: Recognize and Overcome Human Weaknesses

The best selling book for how to conduct yourself in society, written by Dale Carnegie

The title of this book was translated into Chinese ‘Human weaknesses 《人性的弱点》’, which confused me a bit at the first glance.

When I finished reading the book, I understood that the translation is actually very appropriate, because the secret to winning friends and influencing people lies in recognizing and overcoming the weaknesses of human nature.

The biggest weakness of human nature is selfishness.

We are most interested in ourselves. Our favorite topic in conversation is “Me”. When looking at group photos, we look at ourselves first. In any activity, the first thing we care about is what we can benefit from.

We look forward to being loved, appreciated, praised and encouraged, and much more.

Recognizing human weaknesses is not enough, we got to learn how to deal with the weaknesses to avoid conflicts with others, and get support by the building of family and career.

In this book, Carnegie tells people how to face the inherent “weaknesses” of everyone and adapt to these” weaknesses” of others by abiding by the following 3 principles:

1. Don’t criticize or blame!

No matter how serious mistakes people make, few of them would blame themselves, they would always blame others.

So criticism is useless. It provokes resistance and makes people eager to argue. Blame is dangerous. It hurts self-esteem and even creates hatred.

2. Appreciate and praise others by heart!

People’s desire for attention is as urgent as the desire for food and sleep. Sincere appreciation and praise can satisfy their desires and greatly improve the relationships between people.

Is it for you too difficult to appreciate and praise others? Look at what Confucius said:

If three of us are walking together, at least one of the other two is good enough to be my teacher.

Since saints need to learn from others, let alone ordinary people like you and me?

So, temporarily put our gains and losses and desires aside, and think about what is commendable in others.

What needs to be reminded is putting away your flattering words and praising them with the most sincere attitude.

3. Find out the needs of others!

Have you ever fished? What did you give the fish? Bread and strawberry? No, you would give them insects, right?

Why? Because that’s what the fish eat.

If you want to catch fish, you got to give them what they want, not what you want.

This principle also applies to humans.

People care about their desires, they are not interested in others’ thoughts. This is human nature.

So, find out what people want and give it to them. This is the only way to influence them.

By following the above 3 principles, we can improve our interpersonal skills and win friends and even influence others.

However, it is easy to say, hard to do. And the reason is simple, we always expect that others come to satisfy our desires. This is the human weakness too.

How to overcome our weaknesses by nature?

Carnegie believes that first of all, we must have a strong desire to learn and the determination to improve interpersonal skills.

To cultivate this kind of desire, we should constantly remind ourselves that we do this not for others, but ourselves. Only by improving those skills, we can learn how to respect others, then we can gain respect from other people.

And, of course: It is not only about learning and practicing skills. When desired to be most effective, those things should come directly from your heart. Like being honest, and sincere.

Additionally, we got to be aware that we are not learning something new, we are cultivating a new habit.

When we argue with others, we get used to thinking that the others are wrong; when we discuss something, we prefer to speak out our thoughts first without considering the ideas of other people.

Whenever this happens, don’t hurry to react because your natural reaction is often wrong.

Think of the 3 principles you have learned from this book. Try to use the new concepts and wait for their incredible effects.

Finally, you should establish a process of regularly summarizing and reviewing, checking what mistakes and improvements you have made, and what experiences you have gained.

Take away

1. Have a strong desire to learn and the determination to improve interpersonal skills!

2. Change your mindset and cultivate a new habit!

3. Regularly summarize, review and check your practice process!

4. Be honest and sincere by appreciation and praise others!

Everyone has defects of this or that kind, and only if we overcome our weaknesses, we can win friends and have an influence on others.

Thank you for reading and all of your support! If you are interested in my other stories, please click the links below: