My Safety Net of Fun

Hobbies that lift me from sadness and cushion my fall

TV Streaming

Grey’s Anatomy took the place of a weighted blanket throughout my Eating Disorder recovery, over a year of isolation living, as well as a signal and protection for a spiral about to happen. Scalpels slicing flesh, pulling out blood clots by hand from frantically filling body cavities, and CPR performed more times than anyone should ever see in a lifetime, but it’s my happy place. I know the stories from beginning to end. I know the struggle and good or bad outcomes came with a valuable lesson.

Dancebody

Since I was 11-years-old when my eating disorder started, I didn’t have any memory of choosing a physical activity for the sole purpose of joy, silly fun, or emotional pleasure. In November 2019, I stumbled across Dancebody. A world exists where a ballerina ditches her pointe shoes, laces up her Asics Gel-Nimbus running shoes, pulls on her leggings, and cranks up the tunes. Figure skating for eleven years in my childhood, I still have no rhythm, four left feet, and can’t tap to a beat. This was different. It spoke to a new version of me who could leap without looking, crash, laugh, and begin again in my first position, my first joys.

Line Drawing

During recovery, my mind began to hear the longings of my inner voice for a peaceful rest from an emotional frenzy. I started exploring drawing silhouettes, shadows, and line art. The extent of artistic ability I have never seemed to progress from stick people in Kindergarten. I saw layers of a story still being told within the stretch of lines and beyond its frame. The long thin strokes of my pencil or pen make a smooth rub across the paper like I’m following a path in my dream, quiet and precise peeking around the corner.

I finally realized that some things that brought me so much joy I had absolutely no talent or knowledge on the subject or activity. I was so used to fighting, mainly myself, to achieve only perfection with 200% effort till I bleed, fall ill, or pass out. I don’t remember why. Thank goodness my healed brain no longer knows why I would sacrifice my life and immense joy for something so destructive and unachievable.

Don’t wait till you break. Go skip some rocks. Grab some crayons and design your own masterpiece to display in a frame or on the refrigerator like my children’s art, no matter the age. Visit a new city, rent a bike, and find what excites you. Stop by your local ice cream shop and try a flavor you’ve never had. There has to be one. Dance! Allow your heart to hear the rhythm even if the rest of your body leaps a beat behind.

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