Summary

The author reflects on a writing prompt by Joe Luca, humorously describing a mental "remote control" that replays past mistakes in vivid detail, despite the fast-forward button being broken.

Abstract

In response to a writing prompt by Joe Luca, the author humorously muses about a metaphorical "Randomly Accessed Memory" (RAM) remote control in his head. This mental device only seems to function in rewind, repeat, and zoom modes, fixating on past blunders and playing them out in slow motion. The author humorously laments the absence of a fast-forward button, which he believes retired to the Caribbean, and shares anecdotes of past follies, such as financial mismanagement and romantic misadventures. Despite the comedic tone, there's an underlying message about the challenges of learning from one's mistakes and the persistent nature of memory, which can replay our worst moments without offering a clear path to wisdom or redemption.

Opinions

The author views his mental remote control with a mix of humor and frustration, emphasizing its tendency to dwell on past errors rather than look forward.
There's a self-deprecating tone in the author's recounting of personal missteps, suggesting a light-hearted acceptance of his own imperfections.
The author implies that the act of dwelling on past mistakes can be both a hindrance and an inevitable part of life, as he humorously advises Joe Luca against using a similar mental remote.
The piece conveys a sense of resignation to the workings of memory, which can haunt a person with vivid replays of regrettable moments.
Despite the comedic approach, the author seems to genuinely grapple with the idea of learning from past experiences, hinting at a deeper introspection beneath the humor.

Writing Prompt

My Remote Seems To Be Stuck On Rewind

Randomly Accessing My Memory

A Joe Luca writing prompt.

Three days after Joe tags me on a writing prompt, and an idea finally pops in my head. Jeez, sometimes, my brain moves slower than molasses running uphill…in February.

Well, it’s okay ’cause everybody who reads me knows I’m typically late to the party. Not only am I late, but I’m also the kind of fellow who gifts boxed wine to a sommelier.

Square peg? Meet round hole.

Anyway, I got to thinking (for about the hundredth time) about Joe tagging me about this remote control thingy, and it occurred to me I already have one of those suckers.

In my head.

I call it Randomly Accessed Memory. The problem with this remote I discovered is that it only has three working buttons now. Rewind — Repeat — and Zoom. The fast forward button completely stopped working years ago because I kept mashing it and mashing it, trying to see how my future was going to play out. My guess is fast forward just gave up the ghost and retired to the Caribbean where it’s hanging out with Jeff Hanlon and getting shit-faced on Mojitos.

So this Randomly Accessed Memory remote of mine has been sitting gathering dust for a while. That is, until lately. Lately being that I sailed past retirement age (didn’t see that one coming) and the road I’ve traveled seems to be a whole hell of a lot longer than the one ahead of me.

So, nowadays, my brain (RAM remote) will present me with a life circumstance I’ve experienced in the past whether it’s that time I misplaced my glasses (oh, never mind. I’m wearing them) or something much less severe like finding my billfold in the refrigerator freezer.

Honey? Are you jacking with me again? No, I never said I wanted some cold cash. I mentioned having some money would be cool.

What this freaking remote in my head really likes to do is to randomly rewind to moments in my past where I did something really, really, really, stupid and then stop and play it out in slow motion at the same time zooming in on it like a Cecil B. DeMille closeup.

Oh damn. You’re going to be in deep shit in the morning. What the hell were you thinking dude? You just spent your last couple of bucks on a booze-fest with the boys and your rent’s due tomorrow? What did the apartment manager tell you? If you missed another payment you were going to be out on your ass?

I knew I should have replaced the back window of my car cause the night air can get a little drafty when you’re forced to sleep in it.

Yeah, Randomly Accessed Memory. A delightfully devilish remote control in my head, which always seems to play out every single mistake I’ve ever made in my past, but never really tried too hard to learn the lesson.

Here’s that time you tried to hit on a young lady way above your weight class. Watch in slow motion as her jock boyfriend pops you in the jaw and spins you like a top. Look how graceful you are as you face plant on the sidewalk. Wow, that’s going to leave a mark. Oh, and pick up those two teeth he knocked out. You may want to make a necklace out of them.

Oh, but wait. How about the time you were speeding over an icy bridge with slick tires? Check it out P.G. Watch how your car pirouettes four or five three sixties so gracefully in the middle of the highway. See it as it slowly drifts to the guardrail and slams into it? Now for the best part and we’re going to zoom this one for sure buddy. Watch as your now severely damaged car lifts above the ground. See it start to roll over the guardrail only to come crashing back to the asphalt? Isn’t that exciting? You wanna see it again?

NO! I DO NOT WANT TO SEE IT AGAIN! What the f*ck’s is wrong with you remote? Why do you continuously keep rewinding and showing me all my screw-ups each day, every day? Look, I even tried to take out your freaking batteries, and you still continue to work.

You’re possessed, I tell you! Possessed!

Ahem.

Sorry about that, folks. Just me and my Randomly Accessed Memory remote having a moment. Just look the other way and give me a sec to compose my self.

!@#$@%$#^$&%*^(&_)*_UPI_P*+(++(*%^&^)!!!!!!!!!!

Whew, much better.

So Joe? There you have it. Maybe you’ve got one of these remotes lying around the house. If you do, listen to me, bud. I’m your friend, and I love reading your work. DO NOT USE IT ONE TIME.

That’s all it takes, Mr. Luca. Use that Randomly Accessed Memory remote one tiny little time, and that’s all she wrote brother. That sucker will come back to haunt you every day (sometimes at night when you’ve grown tired of watching) of your natural (and in my case unnatural) life.

I’m telling ya, brother. Just don’t do it.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go watch a couple of re-runs of me pissing in my pants at a third-grade field outing.

Thank you so much for reading. You didn’t have to, but I’m certainly glad you did.

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