QUEERLY TRANS
My Poem About Internalized Transphobia Won a Fiction Writing Contest
I need something very queer and very trans to spend my $20 Amazon gift card on
I just won my first contest on Medium! I’m so excited!
This was a much-needed ego boost that absolutely made my day! More details about the contest and the other very worthy entries and winners can be found here. I can’t wait to read them all!
We were asked to select our favorite recent work of fiction and tell the story behind our words. Since they welcomed poetry into the contest, I selected the poem “In the 24 Karat Cage” and told a little bit of the story behind my words here.
The poem was originally written about a closeted trans person who struggled with some serious internalized transphobia.
Their attitudes ultimately caused indirect harm to a fair number of people in our community, including someone who I care very much about. I wanted to vent about this experience at the time, without causing the person any direct harm, so I constructed a very vague poem about them using metaphors that disguised the situation beyond any hope of recognition. Beneath those metaphors, fact evolved into fiction and true emotions were shrouded in mythology. Then, a significant amount of time passed, separating me and everyone involved from the situation.
Between the time that the poem was written and when it was published by James Finn in Prism & Pen, I should note that the original subject of the poem also changed significantly. I’ve heard that this person grew out of their internalized transphobia and has since developed into someone very different who has contributed a lot of wonderful positive energy to our community. Growth happens and deserves recognition.
I’ve heard that this person grew out of their internalized transphobia and has since developed into someone very different who has contributed a lot of wonderful positive energy to our community. Growth happens and deserves recognition.
Noting this, I felt that the poem should change before I submitted it for publication.
I changed the subject of the poem and put myself in their place, using my pronouns from that time instead of theirs, which I’m withholding in an abundance of caution to fully protect their identity. I also added a strategic use of a first-person plural pronoun to solidify my place in my writing from my reader’s perspective. I was surprised to see myself so readily in the role of my own written villain.
As a trans person who has been closeted for most of my life, I’ve struggled through a lot of my own internalized transphobia and homophobia and related to a lot of what my fictional antagonist went through. I would imagine that many readers have been in this position too, if honest.
Changing a few pronouns before publication added some heavy new layers of meaning to this work for me.
I hope this helped readers to feel some of the emotional weight behind words that carried perspective traveling across years in which I’ve played musical chairs with different life roles.
I’ve played musical chairs with different life roles.
Thank you so much to KL Simmons and JA Vassili for hosting and judging this lovely little contest!
I’m so proud and happy to have been one of the winners! Congratulations to the other winners, Crystal A. Walker and Dani Banani, as well!
Now, dear reader, I need your help!
I need something very queer and very trans to spend my $20 Amazon gift card on! I’m thinking I want to buy a new book to read. Does anyone have a recommendation for me?
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