avatarDavid Tighe

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My Plan To Rescue My Kids From Screens

My plan for Digital Parenting

Photo by Torsten Dederichs on Unsplash

Our baby is due today — Although it’s looking likely we’ll have to wait a little longer before we can welcome this bundle of joy into the world.

Over the last few months, I’ve been devouring books on how to be a good parent.

I’m probably jumping the gun a bit, as most things I’m reading about won’t be relevant until our baby is a bit older.

On many occasions, my wife has pointed out to me that maybe my time would be better spent learning more about the practical side of looking after a tiny human! She might be right.

However, there is one particular area that I can’t seem to get out of my head.

The role technology is going to play in my child’s life.

In recent years, I’ve become acutely aware of the role technology plays in our lives, both as adults and in the grand scheme of society.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a tech enthusiast through and through. The possibilities, the freedom, the convenience — I’m all for it.

My concern, however, revolves around that tiny screen in our pockets that we apparently check 200+ times per day.

As I wrote in my previous article about preparing for parenthood (read here), I’ve found myself locked in a constant battle with my smartphone and I have no desire to be a Dad who is constantly glued to his phone.

I want to be as present as I can through each stage of my child’s development.

As of right now, I have no idea what I’m talking about when it comes to parenting. I also have no clue what kind of personality our new little arrival have. So trying to develop a plan for them in relation to technology seems a little premature.

However…

I can certainly craft a plan for myself and in combination with my wife, a plan for how our family and home will deal with technology.

I have spent an inordinate amount of time reading about technology, and its effects on adults and children alike.

I am desperately trying to understand the methods to direct my kids attention to places more useful than a screen.

Here’s what I have so far:

Revive family dinners

Are family dinners still a thing?

When I was growing up, it was mandatory.

Dinner would be at 7 or 7.30 when my Dad arrived home from work. As a family, we would sit at the kitchen table and talk about our day. The TV was off and smartphones weren’t even a thing.

This continued right through our teenage years and it didn’t matter how moody we were being — we were going to have dinner as a family. It feels like dinner is often something that takes place in the sitting room now, with everyone directing their attention to the big black box in the corner of the room.

My wife and I have been guilty of this in our own relationship.

We finish work, it’s late in the evening and the thought of having an in-depth conversation about our days was not all that appealing — especially if our days were long and stressful.

About 6 months ago, we had this exact discussion — about the type of family we wanted to be and we made a change. Dinner in the sitting room is now the exception, not the rule.

We set the tone for the culture in our home.

Any habit that we want our kids to develop, needs to come from us.

Tech Free Zones

This is something we are experimenting with and trying to balance within the home.

My wife and I approach this quite differently.

I would like a ‘hard stop’ on phone use in the home from a particular time. In contrast to me, my wife uses her phone to organise her life. She has endless to-do lists, resource lists, calendars etc to navigate her life.

In the evening, she likes to organise for the next day and plan things on her phone, so we haven’t really got this figured out yet.

But the important point is that we are trying to figure out some way to set boundaries for how our phones will be used in the home and subsequently, the boundaries we will set for our kids in this regard.

One potential solution we have discussed here is ‘Tech Free Zones’.

Designating specific areas in the home where no phones or iPads are allowed. Our first thoughts are bedrooms and the dinner table.

Expand Horizons

One of my favourite Authors is Cal Newport.

One of his more popular books is entitled ‘Digital Minimalism’ (affiliate link) where he argues for what he calls a ‘Digital Declutter’ in your life.

The goal of a Digital Declutter is a 30-day break in all optional technology, so you can figure out what technologies truly add value to your life. You then reintroduce your chosen technologies back into your life with boundaries attached.

A good example here would be an artist who uses Instagram for inspiration or to keep up with emerging trends. An approach here would be to unfollow everyone who is not relevant to this goal and then put restrictions on its usage. For example. you keep Instagram off your phone and only view your chosen followers on a web browser.

One thing that is emphasised over and over again in the book, is that if you choose to go through this digital declutter, you need to figure out what you are going to do with all that spare time.

This was a big breakthrough for me.

I had tried time and time again to just stop using my phone and other tech items cold turkey, without any clear plan of what I was going to do with my time. This inevitably always led to failure.

Cal advocates for hobbies to fill this time, which led me to the wonderful world of Woodwork, which has become a real passion.

A chopping board I made
A baby-changing Unit I made

My wife and I agreed that if we are going to put restrictions around technology, then we need to find other ways to entertain, for example, structured hobbies or sports. Alternatively, when they are with us, being outside either at the park or the beach, will be our next port of call.

This is simply an ideal that we will work towards. I have no doubt this will be a lot harder in practice than in theory.

Leading by Example

While setting boundaries and guiding our children is important, modelling the behaviour ourselves is going to be the key.

We can’t enforce these rules in our home and then spend our time on our phones throughout family activities. We need to be very conscious about how we use technology ourselves and this is something that’s ever present in my mind.

I spend time each day, auditing how I’ve been using technology.

Again, I am focused here on whether I am using technology for my own purposes, as opposed to subconsciously checking my phone every minute.

These are just some of the ramblings of an expectant Dad, with a plan.

As I said before, I have no idea what this is going to be like in practice.

However, I think spending time thinking about our family’s Tech Philosophy is the important thing here.

For any parents out there with practical experience, I’d love to hear how you navigate technology with your kids.

Please leave me a comment and let me know some of your strategies!

Note: This article contains affiliate links, which means I may earn a commission if you make a purchase through these links. There is no extra cost to you, and I only recommend products and services that I believe in.

About the Author

My name is Dave 👋

I’m obsessed with finding strategies to unlock High Performance and helping people become better versions of themselves.

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