My Personal Addiction To Porn

How I deal with it daily and steps to help you overcome it

One small step is worth more than a thousand steps planned. — Unknown

The Story

So here is my personal story about how I battled with porn addiction for a decade. Hopefully, this will be helpful to some of you, whether you are struggling with an addiction of your own or not.

Growing up I was raised in a middle-class, 2 parent Christian home. I went to church regularly and even into my adult life was still very religious.

At some point throughout my teenage years, like most young men, I was introduced to porn. I’m not exactly sure, but I believe it started with one of those platforms like Napster or Kazaa, where you could download music and videos.

Anyway, throughout the years, it turned into regular forms of viewing porn on the internet with sites like PornHub and Xtube. While watching porn I would usually masturbate and then feel guilty and ashamed after I was finished.

One would think this feeling would be enough to keep me from engaging in the same behavior so frequently.

It got to the point where some days I would watch porn 3-to 4 times a day. The peak, if you want to call it that, was probably reached in my early 20’s when I was away at college.

Honestly, there were days that I didn’t even go to class and would stay at home watching porn. The addiction was always strongest when I was at home by myself.

There were so many things I did to watch porn. I even went to a couple of those sleazy adult video stores where you feel yucky the moment you walk out of those places with your little black sack.

I know some of you will be reading this and wonder, why was this such a problem? Well, that’s because the addiction turned into something much worse.

I was starting to fantasize about the videos and scenes I was watching. This led me to start seeking personal connections online. At the time, it was very easy to meet up with people using Craigslist in the “personals” section.

All you had to do was either create a small ad yourself, describing what you were looking for sexually, or respond to an already existing ad.

I would go on this site many times a week and most of the time, I would chat with someone but never set up an actual meeting. I would exchange pictures (many times explicit ones) and that was as far as things would go.

Over time, I did start meeting others and had several hookups. Now, I was in a committed relationship throughout this period and the “virtual” cheating turned into physical cheating.

I used an email address that I created just for this type of thing, which prevented me from being caught by my girlfriend.

Eventually, I slipped up, and she saw some things on my phone. For whatever reason, she stayed with me and told me I needed to get help. I agreed and even had a conversation with my parents about the problems I was dealing with.

After making a few changes in my life, things had improved. I was still looking at regular porn maybe once every couple of weeks, but I was staying away from Craigslist.

Over time, I reverted to the old habits and engaged in the same behaviors as before.

I mentioned how this addiction had hindered my college years and how I would stay home from class. It also has hurt me in many other ways throughout my life.

Besides the emotional toll it has taken on my relationships, I feel like it hurt my confidence as well. This is because I always thought less of myself after spending time watching porn and masturbating.

Especially when I knew I was hurting my girlfriend by engaging in the different forms of cheating.

There were even times that I didn’t go to work or would go in late because I needed to tend to my addiction. This struggle lasted into my early 30’s and would probably still be a significant problem in my life if it weren’t for a huge turning point.

By being open and vulnerable with others, it helped me confront my problems and allowed me to find ways to overcome them.

The Turning Point My girlfriend and I broke up in early 2020. It wasn’t only because of my porn and sex addiction, but those were a part of why our relationship was severed.

When that happened, I was depressed, disappointed, and frustrated with myself. My confidence was at an all-time low.

However, the next couple of months, I had hard and honest conversations with myself about where my life was headed and what I needed to do to turn it around.

Regarding my addiction, I knew that the only way to get ahold of the situation was to stop putting myself in a position where I could engage in those behaviors.

As crazy as it sounds, I had to make it hard to watch porn. Now, in this day and age, there are always ways to find porn but my normal methods were now harder to use. I added porn blockers on my phone and computer.

Another thing I did was focus more of my free time on meaningful things. Reading, writing, working out, were some of the strategies I used to keep myself busy.

I found out that it’s harder to sit at home and watch porn when you are constantly busy. I also prayed a lot and asked God to help me with my addiction and to help me to find ways to resist it.

I guess my situation isn’t uncommon to many others who struggle with addiction. There have been some slip-ups here and there, but it’s nowhere near the problem it was before.

I found out that this addiction is real, and it’s strong. Because of that, it will probably be something that I have to deal with for a long time. The good thing is that I learned a lot about myself and I learned that I am stronger than this addiction.

By being open and vulnerable with others it helped me confront my problems and allowed me to find ways to overcome them.

I shared this story to help others who might find themselves in the same situation I was in.

It doesn’t have to be just porn, any addiction can be harmful if you allow it to occupy your time and keep you from taking actions that will enhance your life.

There are only 2–3 people in my life who are even aware of the struggles I faced in the past and currently deal with today.

Porn addiction can cause a person to have problems in their relationships as well as with sex. You have to take control of your life and find ways to get the help you need to overcome it.

I was fortunate that there were people I could talk to and ways to get help. If you feel like you are going through something similar, with nobody to talk to, I am always available.

Sometimes, we just have to realize that we’re human and that mistakes are a part of our progression. The way we overcome adversity will shape our lives. We cannot give up when times get tough.

Keep believing that every step you take will be one step closer to success.

Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed of your situation. Many others were in the same shoes. Live your life and be an inspiration to yourself and others. As always, stay positive!

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