Economic Reality

My Parents Taught Me Everything, Except One Thing — How To Make Money!

If Money Rules The World, Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me About It?

When I was a kid, money was kind of abstract. It didn’t really exist. I got pocket money once a week, but that was really just a gesture so my parents didn’t look like Scrooges.

If I hadn’t got it, I wouldn’t have starved. I wouldn’t have gone without. So it was a shock when I reached adulthood and realized I actually needed this stuff.

I remember going to college and receiving a grant from the government that paid my tuition fees, as well as giving me money for food and beer.

Great! More pocket money!

Only it wasn’t great because it ran out. I went to the ATM one day and it said £0.00. I went inside the branch and asked if I could have more, and they said, of course. But you’ll have to pay interest on it.

Whatever!

A month later I asked for some more from a different bank, and they said, of course, come on in! And on it went. By the time I finished college, I was so mired in debt that I couldn’t even buy a hot dog —yeah, it was that bad.

So I declared myself bankrupt and I was back to zero.

Whoopee!

The joy was short-lived, however, as I soon found out that I couldn’t get another overdraft, a loan, or a mortgage. So I had to get a job. And that sucked!

You might be reading this and thinking.

“Welcome to the real world, Sonny Jim!”

And maybe you’re right. But maybe you’re not.

Because here’s the thing. If I was told from an early age that the world revolved around one thing and one thing only— MONEY — I might have approached things differently.

But I wasn’t. I was taught about giraffes, triangles, verbs, numbers, poetry, The Moon, and British history.

What I should have been taught is that when I reached the age of 18, the shit will hit the fan BIG TIME, and the only thing that will matter — apart from getting laid — is MONEY.

The Solution

Parents these days need to get a grip. They need to forget about giving their children a rounded upbringing. They need to stop wasting their time taking them on weekends in the country camping or going to the game. Or attending drama, dance classes, or any of that shit.

They need to concentrate on teaching them about MONEY. Hang dollar bills above their crib from the minute they’re born. Make wind chimes out of gold coins. Recite stock market predictions instead of bedtime stories.

Forget sending them to school — get them an internship at a big bank as soon as they can talk. So that by the time they are 18, they’ll be ready to take their first CEO position.

You may think I’m having a little Saturday morning joke as I’ve nothing else to write about. But I’m not — I’m serious! The next two-thirds of the 21st century is not going to be for the faint-hearted, the weak, or the artistic.

Want to draw pictures, write, take photos, or make music?

Forget it!

The new art is written on a dollar bill right in front of you.

I read yesterday that the IMF predicts that inflation and interest rates will soon decrease and that everything will be the same as before the pandemic.

Really?

Aren’t these the same jerks who predicted low inflation for the foreseeable future? That is until inflation went up to 11%!

“But we didn’t know there would be a war!”

WHO DOES?

If you read around the subject, you’ll have figured out that the war in Ukraine isn’t the main cause of inflation. That’s just the mainstream media finding someone to blame. In short, Putin.

But Putin isn’t the problem. We are.

With resources becoming ever more scarce, labor shortages more acute, the climate becoming ever more unpredictable, and most people refusing to change the way they live, inflation will never be the same again.

Many serious economists (those who don’t have a political agenda) believe inflation will keep at around 3% — 4% for decades. In short, it’s going to be harder to get by. Harder to earn money that isn’t worthless by the time you come to spend it.

The good days have gone! Get used to it.

And parents! Keep playing those business updates to your kids at night. It might be the only thing they’ll ever thank you for.