My Oxford Paper

It’s too long to put on here, but

Twelve years ago this month, I flew from Syracuse, New York, to Heathrow airport in London, then took a “tube” (bus) from London to Oxford and somehow managed to find Wadham College. Oxford, like most universities, is made up of multiple colleges, Christ Church and Wadham being two of Oxford’s. Wadham College was founded in 1610, just to give you an idea of how much it felt like staying in a museum for 4 days. It was wonderful.

I presented a paper at the Oxford Round Table, a conference held at Wadham College that year. The paper is 16 pages long, so I cannot repeat it here; just allow me to say it was brilliant and flawlessly written. It was the only humorous paper of the twenty presented; most of the others were dry as dust, and I tried hard not to listen to them with my eyes closed. I remember a word or two of a couple of them.

I can, however, quote the introduction to my paper. It is from Mark C. Grove’s Facebook post in 2011 that I found years before I found the perfect place to use it. (There are earlier versions, back to 2006, but this is the one I used.)

“Geography of a Woman

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa: half discovered, half wild, fertile, and naturally beautiful.

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe: well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain: very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece: gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain: with a glorious and all-conquering past.

Between 51and 60, a woman is like Israel: has been through war, doesn’t make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada: self-preserving but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes like Tibet: wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of all the ages, an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

Geography of a Man

“Between 1 and 90, a man is like Iran: ruled by nuts.”

I assessed my audience before adding that ending. They were bored. They needed it. I included it. It got a good reaction.

That trip to Oxford to present a paper at the Oxford Round Table (which, by the way, is by invitation only) was the highlight of my teaching career.

Someday I will go back to England with my husband and spend at least a week, maybe two, to see all the things I didn’t have time to see because I was attending the conference.

I did get to go to the Tower of London, which I highly recommend. While there, I missed a step and fell, skinning my knee. I just want it recorded that I, too, shed blood where Queen Elizabeth I’s mother lost her head. I can’t say I have much else in common with royalty. It was a start, though.

Shout out to Gippolito Ndp, who thought I was kidding him when I complimented his article. He took the words right out of my head.

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