My Other Half Thought “Cocaine Bear” Was Awful — We Might Be Over
There are just some things a relationship cannot withstand
I’m up way too late.
I’ve been waiting to hear my partner Larry’s review of Cocaine Bear, a cinematic gem which I fully expect to be the next camp masterpice.
On a cold, snowy Cape Cod afternoon, he decided to warm up at the movies.
I’m relatively toasty in Barcelona, where the film doesn’t open till April. Talk about your third-world countries.
I spent the afternoon wandering through an artsy little neighborhood, avoiding cat cafes (you go for a flat white, you come out with a feline), and browsing poetry collections in a charming used bookstore.
On my way home, I got a text from him with a picture of his ticket stub. Despite being boomers, we have embraced the millenial manifesto of not talking on phones.
Pleased for him having gotten out of the house, and slightly jealous because I know it’ll be great, I waited for his feedback.
One a.m. arrived here and I hadn’t heard back. The movie ended an hour ago.
Having done no cocaine myself, I was a bit sleepy.
Well? (I WhatsApped)
I got two immedate blue checks.
He: Don’t waste your $12.
Me: Oh no!
He: It was 90 minutes of stupid.
Me: And you were expecting …?
Come on, he’d seen the trailer. He did not answer my question about expecations, but went on to tell me, well, text me, some small town gossip and lament about all the restaurants being full.
(Unlike me, he does not fill up on popcorn at the cinema.)
I asked again about the movie.
Save it for streaming.
I just don’t understand him anymore. Tomorrow we’ll clear the air. Hopefully.
I mean, how could he not like what CNET calls, “JAWS WITH CLAWS” and Twitter is going cray cray for.
She GASPED, readers! She GASPED!
My beloved is the man who paid to see Ted three times. Talk about your cocaine bear! He loves the South Park movie.
Plus, he’s been with me for thirty years.
Clearly he’s no stranger to stupid.
Anyway, I wished him a pleasant evening and hoped a) he came to his senses, and b) the movie didn’t give him any nightbears.
Anybody else seen it? Did you GASP?
Bob Merckel is a writer, language teacher, and corporate refugee who spends most of his time between Barcelona and Provincetown. He usually plays well with others. You can follow him on Twitter @bobzyeruncle.
If you aren’t yet a Medium Member, be a star and clickety-click here to join and read 100s of great writers every day. He’ll get a small portion of that.
He’d be very grateful if you’d click here to get his future stories delivered directly to your inbox.
More from Bob