Only Male Employees Were Invited To My Office Golf Tournament

Times have changed, but not that much

I was a freshly minted working woman in the late 90s when I started to hear rumors at the office. Whispers. Buzzing. As the “new girl,” I wasn’t one of the first to hear the news, but eventually, it got around to me.

There was to be a company-wide golf tournament in a week’s time. Company-wide, that is, for all the men.

No women were invited.

The office was pretty evenly distributed by gender. The email had gone out to all the guys from Bob, the Co-President. He’d organized the event.

While this was only a few decades ago it speaks volumes that we all chatted about it copiously but no one brought it up to Bob or Alex, the company’s founder. We just whispered to each other furiously.

With only two months of experience, I was the newest employee and likely the least empowered. I was in an entry-level position, still trying to prove my worth. While I can sound off with the best of them, I felt intensely uncomfortable trying to bring this issue up.

The two women I reported to were far senior to me, but they also said nothing. Offices were much more hierarchical at the time, so it was more difficult to disagree with the boss.

Several of the men did not join the outing because they felt the exclusion was unfair, but still, they didn’t say anything. This level of intimidation seems unfathomable today.

Most of the guys were well aware of the double standard, laughed, and went golfing anyway.

On the day of the tournament, it was only the women and the more enlightened guys in the office for the entire day. Twenty-something guys got a day off, a bonding day, while all of the women stayed back.

The next day Alex sent an email to the whole staff that went into detail about what a fun day they’d had. He ended with this: “For those of you who chose not to come, I hope you’ll join us next year.”

My jaw was still on the floor when I heard Linda’s heels clomping furiously into Alex’s office. She closed the door.

Linda was the most senior woman in the office and highly respected. Her limit had apparently been reached.

It was not five minutes later that Alex came flying out of his office and into Bob’s. Once again, he closed the door. Firmly.

Since Bob’s office was close to mine I was able to tell it was a heated exchange. Alex had not realized only men had been invited.

In the days to come, Bob maintained his innocence, pretending he only invited people he knew were golfers. It was a thin excuse, because several of those guys had never golfed, yet two of the women were avid golfers. Bob, a classic extrovert, knew of their golfing and even asked Eve about her golf game within my earshot several times.

The next year

The following year, the golf invitation was extended to everyone in the office, men and women. All the men signed up, but the women hesitated.

They didn’t play golf, so they weren’t sure they wanted to go. They were busy and had too much work to do.

Eve came to me and told me she wouldn’t go if she were the only woman. I told her of course I’d go, but despite talking with our female co-workers, we were unable to convince any others to attend.

The same people who expressed such (deserved) ire the year before were making excuses and letting immaterial things stand in their way.

They were scared and wanted to stay in their comfort zone.

The day of the golf tournament the stars aligned so that I was the very first person to hit a ball. I’d literally never held a golf club before, but I somehow had to tee off (is that even the expression?) in front of every man in my office.

That is just my kind of luck.

I was shaking but trying to laugh and pretend it didn’t bother me. I’m not particularly coordinated, so this was essentially my worst nightmare.

Fortunately, I made contact with the ball, although it only went about 20 feet. Everyone applauded, which made it even more embarrassing, although they meant well.

The next day many of the women expressed remorse that they’d stayed behind. But it was too late. We’d come very close to proving to Bob that he was absolutely right to host a men’s only golf tournament, strictly out of fear.

Cut to today

A good friend of mine is a Leadership Coach who’s had several sessions with the same clients. She’s helping them put together an employee code of ethics.

She said she’s noticed the same pattern at every meeting. Regardless of their position in the office, the men all sit at the head of the table while the women take positions at the end of the table, farthest from the discussion.

“It’s like they’re begging not to be called on for their opinion,” my friend observed.

It’s been twenty years since that golf tournament. Many things have changed in office politics, but a lot still hasn’t. While women didn’t create the patriarchal structure, they have a critical role in tearing it down.

Go ahead and take your swing.

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