My number 1 travel and dating rule that may make me seem cold and distant

¨She´s a cold-hearted snake; look into her eyes. ¨ Sara remix!

When things ended with my ex, I consciously decided not to date. In the past, when things ended, I would have moved on within a day or two; this time was different.

This was my first relationship since I was sober and my first real relationship since I left the US. I typically have a dating and travel rule as well.

When I first started traveling five years ago, I was actively dating. I would go on dates and treat my life like I was still in the US. Yet I was not; I was in a new country and did not understand the culture, and dating at times was awkward, and overall, I did not enjoy it.

I don’t particularly enjoy dating anyway.

I am the type of person who meets someone and will never date more than one person at once, and if I like one person, it is impossible for me to have the same feelings for two people. I can be friends with multiple people, but a relationship is reserved for only one.

I realized that even if I liked someone I met in a country abroad, my plan was to travel; it was not to stay in a country, and after that, I made the rule that I currently use.

I will not date anyone from a country I would not consider moving or living in.

That is why I dated my ex. I had a one-year visa in Colombia and planned to stay there for at least a year before I met him. If it worked out, I would find a way to get a longer visa.

I do not date while I am in the US, and I have not dated since my ex. I often get asked ¨but what if you meet someone¨ — a possibility but one that I am not open to and have not been for a few years.

I met my ex at a ¨random¨ time, but I planned to stay in Colombia. I would never have considered dating if I had only been there for a few weeks or a month. It is hurtful.

I also get hurt easily, even though many see me as cold and distant. I have been this way since I was a teenager when my grandmother told me I was cold-hearted and would break every boy’s heart I could.

I used to laugh at her. Except it is not true. If you believe it to be true, then I can do nothing to control how others think of me.

My best friend knows me; she can always tell when I am sad or upset, and she is probably the only person I can be real with. We have no expectations from each other. I can cry, and she does not judge; I can rant and rave, and she does not judge.

So many think they know someone but are too busy creating a story about who they want that person to be; they never see the truth.

Keeping a wall is a protective barrier, and I am the only one who holds the key. In my last relationship, I was more open and vulnerable than I have been in a long time; mainly, I allowed someone to care for me.

I could soften into him, and he provided me a safe space to be myself. It is not a party animal; it is a quiet, peaceful environment I did not grow up in. He created a home, which was something I was desperately seeking.

So, no matter what problems we had, he showed me a side of me that I craved and wanted. It was the reason for our meeting.

After traveling for so long, he helped me realize it was time to settle down. I did not meet him by chance; the moment I saw him, I knew we would be together, not forever, but he came into my life for a reason. And he served his purpose, as I to him.

We come into people’s lives for a reason, and sometimes, it takes a while to see why, and when you do, it is a lightbulb moment of clarity.

Oh yeah, back to not dating. I am pretty calculated, as I know some say I am a free spirit; I am. Yet, I also have a plan, and I do not let dating or men stand in my way.

If I meet someone, I think they are pleasant or cute; if it is meant to be, it will happen when it’s the right time. The instant you know, you know.

Yet you have to be open to the idea. I am not available to the idea. When I am ready to date again, I will get a sign and meet someone because that works in my world.

Lately, I swear men are coming from the woodwork to me; I assume they want to be my friend. No, they do not. I had to push multiple men away from me in Georgia because I treated them as friends, or should I say I was nice to them and not even flirty; I am not flirty.

The men there were aggressive, and it was uncomfortable.

Luckily, some get the hint. I met a nice guy, and my friend said I think he likes you, I said nah, I’m too old for him. She was right, but luckily, he could read the signs that I was not interested.

He could have been Brad Pitt. I am not dating, so it was a no-go. Do not try; I will push you away, and if I have to use force, I will.

I and another traveler were talking about how we carry knives when we travel because you never know, and after Georgia, I am glad I have it as a backup. Luckily, I have never had to use it.

I used to let my hormones lead the way, and I would end up staying in a place I didn’t want to be because I met a guy. I did not remain in Colombia because I met a guy.

I love that country, and I will probably spend the end of the year there. If I meet a guy and stay again, I will remain in a country I want to live in, and I am okay with that. Colombia is on my list of countries where I could buy my forever home.

So, what are my travel dating rules? I only date in countries that I want to live in.

We must be on the same trajectory and have the same life goals. I can not date someone who wants to live in the city again when I want to be as far away from society as possible.

I want to ride a horse to get my groceries.

I have dated enough in my life that it is not a priority and hasn’t been for the past ten years, so I can travel and do what I want. It could have been why my last relationship also failed; for so long, I gave to so many other people, and now I am at a point where I can not be bothered.

I get asked if I am dating so much, and I just flat out say no, and typically, no one questions me like they did when I was younger about getting married and having kids.

I say I would like a dog and some chickens. Usually, farm animals are a turn-off.

You’re right. If I meet someone while I am in a country that I would want to live in and make it my home, let’s call it fate.

Until then, I will focus on essential parts of my life, including my family and sister-friends. And, of course, snuggling all the dogs I can, as often as possible.

XOXO

S

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