My Not So Rapid-Fire Answers To The Ten Quick “Favourite Things” Challenge

Featuring ‘Life Enhancing Tips’ you didn’t know you needed

Hi. I’m Emma.

To celebrate acceptance onto the Medium Partnership Programme, I’m introducing myself, through the “Favourite Things’ Challenge* posted by Paul Walker, in response to a post by Linda Ng. Thank you both!

1. What is your favourite drink?

Devotion to my weight loss goals dictates a skinny latte (as shown above) and guilt-free cake.

I prefer ‘independent’ coffee shops, but still frequent ‘chains’ as they also employ people.

Tip(s)

· Honour your body fat… the one thing you can take with you.

· A coffee prefixed with ‘skinny’, cancels calories in cake.

2. What is your favourite colour?

Blue.

Tip(s) Courtesy of my Gran

• Always keep a navy blue cardigan in your wardrobe. Gran never explained why, but I think we can safely say the facts speak for themselves.

3. If you won the lottery, what are the top 3 things you would do first?

Dig out the ‘Who gets what when I die’ list, developed on a baffling ‘Living in the Here and Now’ Workshop.

Top of the list, family, friends, church and organisations committed to involving the end user in their decision making or working to support those some dismiss as irrelevant or undeserving.

Donate money to someone willing to take on my cats. The ideal applicant(s) must have a well-established inferiority complex or be desperate to develop one; they would want for nothing, other than:

• Sleep.
• Fur-free clothing.
• Respect / gratitude.

Allocate money for Home Care costs or a Residential Home offering zero group activities, e.g. no ‘Chirpy Singing Along in the Day Room’ or making ‘Chucking This Out the Minute She Croaks” craft stuff.

Tip(s)

• “We should ask grandma to make us a crocheted toilet seat cover” said no one ever.

4. What is your favourite cuisine?

Although dedicated to my weight loss goals, the thing I love about Chinese food is the absence of anything close to my weekly calorie limit. What can you do?

Tip(s)

• Regrettably, I am unable to follow anyone who sends me healthy Chinese ‘fake-away’ recipes.

5. Would you give up social media or your cell phone forever?

Only if forever doesn’t exceed an hour each Sunday morning. Otherwise no! Social Media friendships mirror my ‘offline’ relationships and my phone helps me live independently and annoys my cats.

Tips

• None of the online advice about taking control of your life works on cats.

6. One thing you’re really good at?

Absolutely nothing.

This is not false modesty*, but the result of a conversation with my primary school teacher.

“As a writer I must know a bit about everything and that is why I can’t do sums very well.”

She wasn’t impressed.

“But that will make you… a generalist?”

General of Lists! What a fantastic job. I saw myself wearing a big hat and a smart jacket, festooned with clanging ‘brooches’ as I marched, barking out my latest insightful list.

I enlisted right there and then, driven by a burning curiosity about everything, and a compulsion to capture it in stories.

I forgive you Miss. In ’67, portfolio working was not yet a thing, and perhaps you hadn’t read the complete ‘Jack of All Trades’ quote or read the excellent post on this very topic by D'Ana Joi

Strangely, my razor sharp focus on everything finally earned me the moral right to declare myself an expert procrastinator!

Sorry to gloat, but I have totally nailed this. I even have a strategy for procrastinating about procrastination e.g. The Guess I’d Better Look Like I’m Doing Something Strategy™ — GIBLLIDSS™ for Civil Servants (see question 9), involves doing stuff that achieves nothing.

Tip(s)

• False modesty is under-rated.
• Over application of GIBLLIDSS™ can lead to promotion / other unwelcome consequences.
• *Avoid people who compliment your skills. They want you to do stuff.

7. Cats or dogs?

The question implies choice?

Despite my best efforts, I am tolerated by two cats.

One, a stray thumped on my front door over several nights until I submitted.

“One night and no midnight zoomies.”

I’ve not had a full night’s sleep for ten years.

The other, from an adoring home she found inadequate; failing to convince my neighbour Mike he needed her, she hacked the pin reader on my cat flap.

I accept I am a poor substitute for Mike.

Tip(s)

· Pet Rocks — a rewarding alternative to cats and easier to rehome.

8. Are you a coffee drinker?

OK. Guess it’s been a while since question 1.

I probably drink too much. Some folk give up coffee as it keeps them awake. But I have cats…

Tip(s)

• Coffee… doesn’t shed fur and is warmer than a Pet Rock.
• For a smoother Cafetiere coffee: Cover the grains with cold water. Leave to stand for 5+ minutes, before adding hot water.

9. What languages can you speak?

French: Fluently. Yet still French friends say, “We don’t understand you. Say it in English.”

Shorthand: Shorthand is a ‘written form’ language, not spoken. That is why I can’t transcribe my notes.

Civil Service: A complex language relying on a bewildering mix of acronyms and contradictions:

• We will reply to your request within 5 working days — we will say “no” within 5 days.
• The person dealing with your query has left —their incompetence earned them a promotion.

Forgiveness: A lifelong student of a challenging and beautiful language; study involves learning to ‘unlearn’ and gain through letting go.

Tip(s)

• N.O.S.W.I.T

10. Can you use chopsticks?

I wouldn’t be where I am today if not for my prowess with chopsticks.

As a ‘looked after’ child, my ‘new parents’ treated me to my first meal in a Chinese restaurant.

To their delight, I instantly mastered chopsticks.

“She is clearly a bright little thing.”

“She will make us proud.”

My ears rang with their praise as I paused my stellar performance to sip from the finger bowl; belching after a near fatal consumption of sliced lemon.

Lowering the bowl, I was met with shock and disbelief.

“Oh dear.” A kind smile played about his mouth.

“You wicked, ungrateful child.” she spat.

Her words established a nine year pattern for our relationship, ending when aged 16, I ran away from her fathomless disappointment and contempt, to learn how to forgive us both.

Tip(s)

If you grew up in a home where the tiniest error negated the highest of your achievements, you can choose to:

• Submit; or
• Spit out the lemons and drink deeply and LOUDLY from the finger bowl of life.

I hope you enjoyed this, if so consider donating a food item to the ‘food box’. at your favourite supermarket.

Now what about you? For a fun way to introduce yourself have a look at this post by Rick Lewis

Begging (non-monetary) Tip

Can anyone recommend a good editor compatible with Medium? I use Assistive Technology and it doesn’t like this one!!