My Nipples Hurt

Summary

The content reflects an editor's experiences and challenges with submissions, ranging from formatting issues to inappropriate content.

Abstract

The provided text appears to be a humorous take on the trials and tribulations faced by an editor managing submissions for publication. It highlights various issues such as the necessity for copyright-free images and proper citation, the importance of formatting and avoiding plagiarism, and the need to maintain a certain standard of content quality. The editor addresses common submission errors, including excessive use of colors, flooding the queue with too many submissions, and attempting to publish inappropriate or sensitive content like smut or themes of suicide. The text also suggests the use of writing aid tools and implies a need for the authors to seek help for certain topics. The editor's role in maintaining the integrity and tone of the publications is underscored by the humorous yet firm guidelines provided.

Opinions

The editor emphasizes the importance of adhering to copyright laws and proper source citation.
There is a clear expectation for submissions to be formatted correctly, avoiding the use of all capital letters and maintaining a professional presentation.
The editor expresses frustration with a high volume of submissions from a single source, indicating it as an unacceptable practice.
The publication has strict content guidelines, rejecting material considered to be smut or overly depressing.
The editor suggests that authors use tools like Grammarly or ProWritingAid to improve their writing quality.
There is an underlying concern for the well-being of authors, as evidenced by the directive to "seek help."
The tone of the communication reflects a balance between maintaining professional standards and a touch of humor in addressing submission issues.

My life as a wet nurse

“All images must be copyright-free and cited as such.”

“Please use proper formatting as we can not publish 78,995,156 words with no formatting.”

“Please cite your sources as your submission is coming back with a result of 89% plagiarism.”

“We will be unable to process your submission at this time as Medium does not allow publication of such idiocy. We look forward to your future submissions.”

“Please use title case as all CAPS are not permitted.”

“Currently your submission has more colors than a Gay Pride parade. Please use either Grammarly or ProWritingAid and resubmit once corrections are made.”

“We are unable to process your submission at this time. We already have 8,415,256,812,554 submissions of you in our queue waiting to be processed. This is a much frowned upon process known as ‘flooding’.”

“We apologize that in the past you were permitted to do this, however, the permission was given in error. As with all good things in your life, this time you got busted.”

“We regret to inform you we chose not to publish smut. Please feel free to Google, ‘playboy magazine’ to be redirected to other possible publishing options.”

“While we appreciate you thinking of us and submitting your latest piece on suicide, we’re going to have to ask you to refrain from future submissions. You’re bumming our editors out.”

“Seek help.”

Pixy.org CC0 Public Domain

Context: I am an editor of four publications.

Humor (Sort of)

My Nipples Hurt

My life as a wet nurse