My Ninja Olympics Embarrassment

Luckily I can’t find the pictures online

Koka Ninja Village, Shiga Prefecture, Japan. The noise of the crowd around the muddy pond faded as I concentrated on my goal. I furiously clawed at the bottom of the pond with my long bamboo pole.

My too-tight lime green ninja loaner suit was getting tighter as I strained to drag myself to the finish line at the pond's edge. My legs kept getting farther and farther apart.

It was hard to tell with all the adrenaline. I couldn’t look back. From the cheering, I was pretty sure I was ahead.

Only a few meters to go. I could hear the cloth pulling apart. Don’t look down now.

The Real Ninjas. Although the idealized version of ninjas in our heads comes from movies and popular culture, their roots are based on historical facts. The towns of Iga and Koka in the mountains of western Japan were the training grounds of the ninja for hundreds of years. Traditionally called Shinobi, the ninjas were used by lords in feudal Japan for secretive missions of espionage, sabotage, and assassination.

Why was I in the “Ninja Olympics”. It sounded fun. I went with a group from a small Japanese/English language school. Although the towns of Koka and Iga are both accessible by train from both Osaka and Nagoya, I wouldn’t have made the journey into the mountains by myself.

We were a little late, so most of the ninja uniforms were taken. We looked through the bottom of the barrel. There weren’t any black or large-sized suits. My friend got neon lemon, and I got lime green. Both too small, way too small. Not an ideal start, but “Shoganai”, it can’t be helped.

The Events and how I did. Event #1 Jumping over things. We had to jump off a large platform onto a stump, jump along a series of stumps, along a board, suspended between two stumps, more stumps, and then jump over a bamboo pole and stick the landing on the last stump.

I almost did my ankle on the first stump but I made it through although not in good time.

Event #2 The hill and the ledge. Run up a steep hill to the edge or a “castle wall”, get on the little ledge in front of the wall, and creep along to the other side. (Hint: facing outwards works best.) Then careen down the hill. I fancied myself for this one.

At the time, I was in pretty good shape, and no one looked that athletic. However, it is hard to do a full sprint up a hill in a 5 sizes too small ninja suit and the wall thing was harder than it looked. I made it but again not in great time.

Event #3 Shuriken ( ninja throwing stars). In movies often we see ninjas shooting a series of small shuriken from the palm of their hands. However, these shurikens were larger and you grasp one prong of the star and throw it overhead like an MLB pitcher. The targets were about 3–5 meters away on a wall of rough bamboo tatami. The shurikens were, probably wisely, rather dull.

Unfortunately, I went first for this event. Not realizing power rather than precision was needed, I hit the target but with not nearly enough power and the shuriken bounced right off. I got one in on the third try, so I was still in the game.

Event #4 Walking on water. Start on a hill, run down the steep slope to the water, run across the pond along a series of boards just under the water connected by ropes, arrive on the far bank without falling into the water. Go too slow and you sink. Go too fast and you risk stepping away from the center and the board flips you sideways into the pond.

Luckily, since I went first in the shuriken event, I was far down the order and could benefit from other's misfortunes. A few of the early contestants let the momentum carry them onto the pontoons too fast. They took a step a little too far from the center on one side, overcompensated on the other side, and sploosh! Into the drink. Seeing this, some contestants slowed right down and tried to carefully walk over the boards, but soon just sank or slid off the boards into the water.

The games had started early in the morning, but by now there were lots of spectators and a lively atmosphere was building. I pitched it just right, not too fast or slow, staying close to the center, and made it to the other side still dry. However, no glory. A few braver (and thinner) daredevils had plummeted down the hill at maximum speed and made it across in epic time without falling.

The final event. Last chance for glory. Ninjas often had to silently cross castle moats or other bodies of water to approach their target. They used donut-shaped floats for each foot. The ninja would slowly propel themselves across the water with a bamboo pole pushing on the bottom.

In my heat, I was in the middle and got off to a good start powering myself down the middle of the pond. I lost steam in the middle. My legs were slowly spreading apart. I was still ahead, so I decided to keep going.

I was getting close. I furiously clawed at the bottom of the pond with my pole. My legs were farther apart than they had ever been before, since or should ever be, but I would not give up.

I heard or felt the ripping. I felt a twinge of embarrassment, but the bank was so close I could taste it. Everyone was screaming. Just a little farther.

I felt the crotch of the ninja suit give way. My package plopped out, but I was oblivious. A magazine photographer with a huge lens on his camera appeared to capture the moment. I never saw the photos.

I triumphantly jumped onto the bank. More cheers. Some of my friends were covering their eyes and pointing down. I readjusted myself.

In the end, I had actually won an event.

Takeways. Bring your own ninja suit. Always wear clean underwear.

If you want to know more. Gaijinpot article. Youtuber 1 at Ninja Village Youtuber 2 at Ninja Village