My NATURE Valley Bar

How I BECAME Pavlov’s Dog

My friend was named Alan. He didn’t have any remarkable features other than a huge hooked nose. He had Nature Valley bars, though. That’s why I befriended him.

Just kidding. But he did get me hooked onto them. We were at night study. It was a process by which, in high school, our teachers locked us up in a large hall for 2 hours to study.

Every day, Alan would bring his cereal bars in his lunchbox and try to open them as quietly as possible so that nobody would hear. Of course, he offered me some. But pretty soon he was surrounded by people who also wanted them.

I guess we needed the sugary goodness at 4 o’clock when normal school finished.

Eventually, he showed up without one. I was practically drooling on the floor. I realized I had gotten used to them much like Dwight got used to getting Altoids in The Office. I suddenly felt very downtrodden. Why was I forced to be here anyway? I got depressed. The school cafeteria was closed and I just lay my head down and imagined eating them for a little while.

Then I remembered Pavlov’s dogs and learned nothing from it. I instead bought my own cereal bars — or asked my mom to buy them.

She bought 10 packs. They came in 2 varieties: Diabetes Type 1 or Diabetes Type 2.

As soon as I got more than a quarter of a bar that I was used to getting in school every day, they lost their taste.

My mom force-fed them to my little brother and I never ate a Nature Valley bar, or any cereal bar again.