My Mother’s Death Was a Transition for Us Both
A daughter’s journey after losing her best friend

I have gone through many transitions during my lifetime. One stands out as the most difficult and heartbreaking and involves two transitions in one.
My beloved mother and best friend passed away five and a half years ago. Because of several serious health problems, I have lived with my mother my entire life, except for the four years I went away to college.
That amounts to 54 years of humorous and loving memories. My mother and I were extremely close and did everything together. She often joked that I was her “second husband.” What she didn’t do with my father, she did with me.
For the last several years of her life, I was her caregiver. Shortly thereafter, we had to hire a 24/7 live-in caregiver, Juliana. I was still in charge of my mother’s meds and doctor’s appointments, making sure she took her meds, and did her exercises.
I also was her entertainment director. Once an avid reader, sadly, my mother could no longer read after her stroke.
My brother loaded a hard drive with all of our favorite TV shows, concerts, etc. and connected it to our television. I also purchased DVDs of my mother’s favorite shows so she would have a variety to choose from. My mother adored Frank Sinatra, and she had every concert he ever made.
My mother loved to watch many shows that were at least 30 years old. I happily put on the shows she enjoyed. I wanted to make her happy and ensure she watched her favorite shows every hour of the day. When my brother visited, he often remarked that he felt like he was in a time warp.
After my mother passed away, I not only transitioned from living without the person who was my entire world, but I also lived alone for the first time in my life.
For several years before her death, I lived with my mother and Juliana. I became very close to Juliana and we still talk on the phone frequently. She always tells me that my mother was the sweetest person she ever cared for.
I didn’t really go to many places when my mother was alive. I suffered from depression and also live with chronic pain. Plus, I didn’t go to many places because my mother was very attached to me and wasn’t happy when I wasn’t home.
Once I lived alone, I always wanted to get out of my condo. It was very sad without my mother, and I didn’t want to be ruminating at home.
I joined a bereavement support group and also looked for a therapist. I don’t think I could have navigated those first days, weeks, and months without them.
My therapist was very helpful, and I met with her every week. It helped me get through my days knowing that I would see her. The bereavement group was also very beneficial.
The first time I went to it, the minute I saw the counselor, I sobbed. I was the only one there, and I told her about my experience between my sobs. I never stopped crying that night.
Right after my mother passed away, I ordered three books about losing your mother. I craved to read about it. However, once they arrived, I couldn’t bring myself to read them.
I would go to the library and read books about grief while I was there. I couldn’t read about it when I was home alone.
After a while, my neighbor and I joined an aquacise class. I joined the class for my physical problems and it ended up helping me emotionally. The instructor played peppy music in the background. I needed the socialization and it helped lift my mood.
Shortly thereafter, a friend asked me to help her teach English as a second language (ESL). I was hesitant at first, but I agreed and it was the best decision I ever made.
I absolutely loved teaching English, and the women we taught were so sweet and compassionate.
Many times when I talk to my Juliana, she tells me how worried she was about me when my mother passed away. She witnessed how close we were and didn’t think I would be okay without my mother.
Frankly, I am surprised, too.
I have a wonderfully supportive brother and good friends who have helped me during this arduous journey.
A day does not go by without me thinking about my mother. I miss her every single day and that will never change. I will love her forever.
No one is more surprised than I am at how well I have done without my mother in my life. Never in a million years did I think I could survive without her. I am grateful that I was proven wrong.
