STUPID HUMAN BEHAVIOR

My Mom Bought a Dog Using 3 Easy Payments, Just Like She Does On QVC

Because I wouldn’t loan her the money

My mom has an uncontrollable addiction to QVC. She lives her life four easy payments at a time.

So, I shouldn’t have been surprised by her latest payment plan purchase, and I wish I had made this up.

She bought a dog on a fucking payment plan after I wouldn’t lend her the money.

This came on the heels of her being denied by multiple rescues because her cat is not fixed, and neither her cat nor her other dog is up-to-date with their immunizations.

I give her credit, though; on the adoption paperwork, the question was asked if she had the ability to pay for an unexpected emergency vet expense, and she honestly answered no.

It still perplexed her why she was turned down.

When she could not rescue a dog, she did what any sane person would do: she pivoted to plan B and chose to buy one.

There was only one small problem: she still didn’t have any money, so she was hopeful I would be the financier to make that a reality.

The idea of making payments for a dog is fucking weird to me.

Seriously, if you can’t afford to pay cash for the dog, why the hell are you buying one?

Instead of taking her current animals to the vet and bringing their shots up-to-date, she thought buying a puppy on a payment plan was the better option.

Hollywood couldn’t even write this shit because no one would believe it.

This wasn’t the first time she asked me for money; it was actually an annoying, repeated pattern.

In fact, this latest request for a $700 Sheltie puppy came just 60 days after she asked me for $200 to euthanize her previous dog in December.

I fucking hated that she put me in that position, but she knew what she was doing.

She thought that she was slick and that I wouldn’t realize her calculated attempt to emotionally extort me because she knew, as a dog owner of two pups myself, that I wouldn’t want her dog to suffer any longer.

I felt horrible for her Pug. He was so fat from never being walked that he couldn’t stand anymore and lay sprawled out on all fours on the living room floor, covering four pee pads because he’d piss and shit himself uncontrollably.

Looking back on it now, I probably should’ve just paid the $200 to put him out of his misery sooner and get him away from her, but I didn’t.

Also, I didn’t expect that only 60 days later, she’d be looking to replace him and approach me for more money.

The day before she asked me for the $200, she stopped by my house on her way home from Hobby Lobby.

She went Christmas shopping there for my nieces and nephews. I didn’t think much about it at the time, but I now think she came over to feel me out and see my mood before asking me for the money.

All narcissists are cunning and master manipulators, but I’ve been down this road with her way too many times to fall for her schemes.

The day after the Hobby Lobby visit, she asked me for the $200.

It immediately triggered a visceral anger in me, so I needed time to pause and decompress.

Asking me for money always triggers me because all I’ve ever been to her is a fucking bank.

None of my other family members ever asked me for money, but even if they did, it wouldn’t be to finance a dog they couldn’t afford. It would be for something important.

I obviously didn’t want her dog to suffer, but after thinking about it for a day, I decided she would have to find the money somewhere else.

I was in a tough spot. If I gave her the money, I would be setting myself up for her to ask me again the next time she wanted something. I had to draw a line.

When I called her back to discuss my decision, I asked how much she spent at Hobby Lobby the previous day. She said, “Well, I spent $160, but that was for Christmas gifts, and I needed to buy the grandkids presents.”

And that is why I’ll never give her money.

She prioritized cheap, shitty Christmas gifts that my nieces and nephews would toss away five minutes after they opened them over ending the suffering of her ailing dog.

I told her I couldn’t help with the $200 and politely asked her to respect two things going forward if she wanted to have a relationship with me.

Stop asking me for money.

I’m the only person in the family she ever asks for money. That’s not right, and I’m not a bank. I’m her son, and she should have enough respect for me not to continue to put me in that position.

When I asked why she hadn’t asked my brothers for the money, she said, “You know they don’t have it.”

I’m glad that became my problem.

Include all three of your kids with your problems.

I asked that when she needed help going forward, to send a group text message to my brothers and me instead of dumping all of her problems solely on me to fix.

I’m the youngest, yet I carry the burden of being the oldest. She never requests my older brothers to help with anything; they’ve always received a free pass from her.

When I asked her why she didn’t contact them when she needed help, she responded, “You’re the wise one of the family.”

No, I’m the one with the means to give you what you want, but nice try. Thanks for teaching your Masterclass on Narcissism Manipulation 101.

At the end of our conversation, I made it clear that those were my two guidelines for having a relationship with me as we moved forward, or I wouldn’t be interested in continuing one.

I must have asked for too much.

She eventually beat my dad down enough that he gave her the $200 to put her Pug down on December 14th.

It should have been his responsibility to do it in the first place, but it’s no secret why he despises her.

A few days before the 14th, I told her I wouldn’t be giving her the money and asked her to respect my two requests moving forward.

On February 12th, about sixty days after I told her never to ask me for money, she sent me the text above asking me for $700 for the Sheltie puppy.

The moment the text popped up, I ran back to my bedroom where my wife was and said, “Can you fucking believe this?”

My wife said to ignore the text and let it go. She was right, and I should have. It baffled me how my mom thought she could blatantly disrespect my wishes, and I not get pissed.

I decided to send the reply above, repeating once again: “Mom, please don’t ask me for money,” and I haven’t spoken to her since.

Two days after, she must have known I was mad, so she does what she always does and sends an insincere, bullshit apology, which I never responded to.

If someone apologizes after doing the same thing to you 150 times, are they really sorry?

This text is hilarious to me. She didn’t know asking for money would upset me, literally when I just asked her not to 60 days earlier.

As Cypress Hill used to rap, she is “Insane in the Membrane.”

My dad called the other day and told me my mom was picking up her new $700 Sheltie puppy.

I asked him where she got the money, and he said he gave her half, $350, as a down payment, and the breeder was willing to accept $175 a month for the next two months.

Of course, my dad caved again!

I didn’t even know people took fucking payment plans for a dog, but my dad gets an A for being the best enabler on the planet.

Perhaps I’m naive and have been living under a rock, but this doesn’t seem right to me.

Do you mean to tell me that a reputable breeder is okay with giving an animal to a person who clearly doesn’t have the finances to care for it properly?

It all seems wrong to me. This is just another horrible financial decision my mom and dad have made, so I shouldn’t be surprised by any of it.

Does anyone know where I can buy a new normal mother?

Not that I would need to, but I’d gladly make 3 easy payments on that.