GETTING PULLED EVERY WHICHAWAY
My Mind Has a Mind of Its Own
There are things I wanna do, but my brain decides it wants to do something else.
What’s up with my head, my brain, my mind — whatever the heck you want to call it?
Trying to get focused.
Is it age? OMG, am I getting senile? Alzheimer’s?
Is it just me, or is there anyone else out there who suspects there might be two competing “yous” struggling to take command of your mind?
My recent “split minds” could be attributed to the stress and trauma of my cat Buddy who was shot last Thursday by someone with an air gun. I’ve been unhealthily immersed into revenge fantasies instead of working productively on a major writing assignment that’s got a May 31st deadline attached to it.
Instead of clearing my brain to settle down and complete this 2,000 word story for which I will get paid for, here I sit dicking around allowing my mind to command thoughts for which there is no paycheck.
You see, it’s payback that I really want.
But let’s move beyond that for a moment and acknowledge that there’s other items on my mental agenda that’s also being suffocated into inaction because my second brain has got a pillow over it.
Such as:
•Making the decision to eat a healthy breakfast of organic oatmeal and blueberries, but instead throwing frozen waffles into the oven and smothering them with butter and syrup (and a few blueberries).
•Making the decision to get that loooong overdue haircut, but instead plastering my hair with hairspray and vowing to do it “next week.” This has been going on for over a month.
•Today is the day I’ll clean my office! Read all those scribbled notes and tackle that to-do list once and for all. Instead — get distracted by email, social media, phone calls I forgot to return — anything but straighten up my office.
Have you ever heard that expression, “I’m of two minds about (whatever it is)”? I now understand it’s meaning. But it sometimes goes beyond just being undecided.
It’s like there really are two different people attempting to command my brain. There’s me, trying to make logical, smart decisions and that other brain that’s sticking out its tongue, dropping its pants and mooning the Alpha Me.
Seriously, does anyone else ever experience this internal struggle? This battle of the minds to do what should be done — with one mind trying its best to sabotage the whole thing?
I hope it’s not just me, and that I’m turning into some kind of freak. I really don’t need that.
Well, today I’m gonna show ’em who’s who.
In about five minutes I’m taking that big stack of accumulated notes and paper from my desk, and I’ll drop them in the middle of my home office floor.
Sorta Marie Kondo style. But, I’m not looking for any of this mess to “spark joy.” On the contrary some will probably “spark stress.”
But that’s OK. The bigger stress is getting side-tracked by my other “mind” and not doing the things I know I need to do.
Once this paper pile has been dealt with I’ll sit down and finish the article with the May 31 due date.
But before I begin I’ll listen one more time to Jimmy Dale Gilmore’s country song “My Mind Has a Mind of Its Own.”
I’m not really much of a country music fan, but this song appeals to me on several levels, plus the silly home-spun video expresses exactly what the words say.
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