My Method to Attract the Perfect Guy
No, this has nothing to do with perfume or make-up.
Want the perfect guy? Do you find yourself hoping he will swoop in out of nowhere and save you from the single life? Do you find yourself going crazy for every guy that pays an inkling of attention to you, even if you have no actual interest in them?
I have a two-part exercise for you. Most people have accomplished the first exercise, but many never advance to the second. Both are critical to achieving the mission of attracting your perfect guy.
Part 1: Identify what you are looking for in a partner.
For most girls, this is natural. Elaborate daydreams have been working on this one since you were little, but you would be amazed at how minimal time people spend defining what they want. Instead, they set out a desperate search for romance with hardly more than a vague vision of desirable physical features. This exercise is not looking for a romantic evening; instead, it is a step in the journey toward life-long companionship, which is well worth the brainpower.
So what do you desire in a partner? Ponder the following questions:
- What personality traits do you find attractive?
We all have different traits we are attracted to, a good sense of humor, someone handy around the house, a guy who is good with children. Maybe you are attracted to someone uplifting and optimistic, or you honestly might want someone to sit and complain about life with you. On the other hand, you could find rattling off trivia answers or shooting 3-pointers to be captivating, or want a guy who opens the car door for you. The tricky part is knowing yourself well enough to know what you want.
2. What kind of activities would it be significant for you to do together?
If you are a movie fanatic, hard-core athlete, or love eating out, these may be things that you should look for someone that will enjoy them with you. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of solid relationships where one partner loves to shop, and the other can’t stand it. Or one partner loves watching football, and the other couldn’t care less. You don’t have to be exact copies of each other, but there should be some common ground, especially if the activity is something you highly value. Decide ahead of time which activities it would be vital for you to do together.
3. What kind of values would your perfect guy have?
Identify the values integral to your life, such as being family-centered, religious, or of a particular political temperament. Then, decide your core values and non-negotiables. This way, you won’t find yourself compromising for the first person who pays any attention to you.
4. What are the qualities you need in a life-long partner?
Identify the strengths you are looking for to complement your weaknesses. For example, if you aren’t great at handling your finances but desire financial security, this is probably a trait you should look for in a partner. If you are a bit shy in social situations, a partner who can lead the way may be something you need. On the other hand, if you strongly value intimate conversations, then a guy that overflows with honesty and openness might be a priority.
5. What do you ultimately want out of life?
Having a solid grasp of what you want in life is key. Be ready for this to morph a bit, especially as you meet someone and begin to paint a picture together. But keep in mind, some lifestyles are not easily compatible. If you want a busy life in the big city, then you probably aren’t looking for a guy who wants to go back and run his family’s small ranch. If you dream of traveling the world and moving from place to place, then a homebody might not be the best partner for you. The opposite scenario can be just as valid. If you desire to stay near family, marrying someone who has to relocate often might not be the optimal path.
Part 2: Identify who you need to be to attract this person.
If you want a fit guy with abs but have never done a sit-up in your life, this could be a problem. Your interests don’t need to align perfectly, but you need to exude the same values that you desire in a mate. For example, if you are looking for someone who strongly values their health and fitness, you need to show that you respect these things in your own life. Be the type of person that could match someone else’s list.
- Where is your character lacking?
There are many areas where opposites attract, but character is not one of them. Hard work attracts hard work. Integrity attracts integrity. Confidence attracts confidence. You need to develop your character and spend more time becoming the right person than hoping for the right person. That way, you will be ready when your Mr. Right comes along.
2. Where do your habits need to change to be a good companion?
If you desire a man who wakes up early, brews a pot of coffee, and reads the news. Meanwhile, you have never rolled out of bed before 9 am, or without snoozing your alarm 13 times. You might want to work on that habit. Or, if you want a man that mows the lawn instead of sitting through the sixth tv episode in a row, you should probably watch your tv habits. If you want a guy who dresses nice, wearing the same sweatpants three days in a row is probably not the best move. I think you get the point.
3. Work on becoming the right person, and the right one for you will come.
The single life can seem like a scary place, but it can be an excellent opportunity for personal growth. Don’t be in such a rush to exit this part of your life that you settle for someone who isn’t right for you. Just be patient, and work on becoming the right person. This method worked for me. Let me know if it works for you too.
For advice on practical steps to becoming the person you want to be, see my article: