Summary

The author describes their struggle with maladaptive daydreaming, personified as a metaphorical demon, and their journey from being hindered by it to harnessing it for creative writing.

Abstract

The author of the web content, a self-described "raging academic" with multiple university degrees, shares their experience with maladaptive daydreaming, which they liken to a metaphorical demon that tells intrusive, long-winded stories. Initially, this demon interfered with the author's daily life and academic pursuits, but over time, the author learned to coexist with it, using the daydreams as inspiration for writing a novel. The demon, which began as a helpful cherub in the author's childhood, evolved into a burdensome presence in young adulthood, reflecting the author's internal conflict between their academic responsibilities and their desire to write fiction. Despite the demon's disruptive nature, it occasionally provided insights and solutions to the author's story writing, leading to the creation of a 300+ page novel draft. The author's relationship with the demon has grown more complex, as it feeds on their stress but also contributes to their creative process.

Opinions

The author views their maladaptive daydreaming as both a hindrance and a source of inspiration, acknowledging its negative impact on daily life while also recognizing its role in their creative endeavors.
The demon, initially a positive influence encouraging the author's creativity, is seen as having turned "to the dark side" due to the author's perceived neglect of creative writing in favor of academic and professional commitments.
The author expresses a love-hate relationship with the demon, wishing for its departure during stressful times while also missing its input during periods of writer's block.
Despite the demon's challenging presence, the author has found a way to channel its stories into a coherent narrative, suggesting a form of acceptance and utilization of their daydreaming tendency.
The author questions whether their experience with maladaptive daydreaming makes them sound "like a crazy person," indicating a level of self-consciousness about the normality of their condition.
The author identifies as an academic researcher with a creative brain, emphasizing their intellectual achievements alongside their imaginative capabilities.

My Metaphorical Daydreaming Demon

Musings from a Raging Academic

My metaphorical daydreaming demon likes to tell me long-winded stories. He likes to make me ruminate on them too, mulling over which scenes are the most effective to write, across many hours.

I often let the stories work its way into the deep recesses of my mind, on a subconscious level.

These daydreams run in the background as I work on something more critical, often a school-related assignment or a work-related task, kind of like how one would hear meaningless pop music running while you’re busy shopping for essential items.

Photo by Nicholas Kwok on Unsplash — This could be someone’s metaphorical demon, lurking in the background.

This, my friends, is what you would call maladaptive daydreaming.

Maladaptive daydreaming, alternatively known as excessive daydreaming is a series of intrusive thoughts that interfere with daily living. It is not a medical condition. These daydreams are simply a fantastical indulgence, something to look forward to after a long day, but the severity and intensity of these thoughts often make me yearn to get rid of it at times.

As the years have gone by, I did nothing about the demon. This year, I started writing all of these little daydreaming blurbs down, forming a strangely and surprisingly coherent story along the way. The story was like a puzzle, and I had to resolve it.

The demon would sometimes relent, offering me insights into various problems when no one else could. I would continue writing. The demon would pat me on the head and slinker off, with a sneer, until another time.

As a young child, the metaphorical demon was more of a wholesome and cute cherub, helping me to curate, direct, and develop my very first daydream cinematic universe. He encouraged me to become a writer, to research more about the world, and to study the people around me.

One day, I reasoned, I would write all these story items out. Maybe I could become a proper author. Heck, there never seemed to be enough time in my life to write anything out.

I always had ongoing school, volunteerism, work, and other commitments that took precedence over maladaptive daydreaming or fictional writing. I think the cherub got mad me for the betrayal and turned to the dark side, accidentally becoming a demon in the process.

Photo by DEVN on Unsplash — The cherub’s angry dance into demonhood.

As a young adult, the demon was increasingly cruel and cynical. He also became quite burdensome. Yes, I became an online writer instead of a proper novel-producing author. Yes, I became an academic researcher, primarily as I studied, but not in the traditional sense. Yes, I help people at a crisis line, but I still have a long ways to go before I can become a registered psychotherapist.

I wrote academic prose in academia that was ladled with scientific jargon. I posted random material on Medium catered towards the general public. I helped people with my words at the crisis line, where I still maintain a 5-star rating and glowing user reviews. I do not post fantastical fictional stories on Word.

I think the metaphorical demon got mad at my life choices, turning increasingly dark, becoming the cunning creature that it is today. When I’m stressed, in the deep throes of writing a cutting-edge assignment, the demon lingers and I don’t know what to do about it.

He wants to play games with me.

He wants to entertain me with daydreams.

He comes up with solutions to my fictional story writing plot.

…but he does not help me resolve my stress, nor the immediate task at hand.

I tell him to shut up. He retaliates, fangs bared, and claws outstretched, doubling down on its efforts to overtake my mind. I wish the demon would stop interfering with my life. He doesn’t know how to leave. He’s used to me, both the bad and good.

Photo by Cristian Newman on Unsplash — The demon screams, wanting attention.

However, there is a part of me that itched to pen all his ideas down, once I was done with whatever I was just doing. There’s a part of me that wants to listen to him. When he first left me, in early teenhood, I was left with crippling writer’s block, a shocking revelation that made me realize that I can’t live without this stupid, deranged demon.

Across many years, I refused to entertain him. During young adulthood, I found out that I could hold him off temporarily, for many hours at a time, while also not incurring writer’s block.

I ended up writing random blurbs to spill out, or at least siphon, elements of the demon’s daydreaming spiels. I first started with a bulleted journal log, summarizing the things he said, almost like a linear concept map. I did this alongside my regular journal writing about my actual day.

Eventually, I cracked open Word and started writing most of the scenes and ideas he had been telling me over the years, sometimes rewriting what was first uttered into something more contemporary.

I now have the rough draft equivalent of a 300+ page novel, sitting inside a Word document. It took several months. It’s not even done. I have much more to write. I don’t know how long this process will take.

As I wrote the initial framework of this possible rough draft novel, the demon would occasionally appear, but more sombre and surprisingly human. Sometimes, he would look over my shoulder and give out some pointers, but that was it.

Photo by Severin Höin on Unsplash — Perhaps the demon is a human guide.

Whether he was the cherub, demon, or human, he gave me the puzzle pieces needed to write, but I still had to do the dirty work of actually writing it all out and sewing it together. He still feeds and bathes on my stress though, turning into an emotional vampire. Sometimes, he drinks my tears too. It’s complicated.

Do you have maladaptive daydreaming? Do you use an analogy similar to mine, where maladaptive daydreaming is represented as a fiendish demon?

Do I sound like a crazy person?

I’m an academic researcher with a penchant for writing and excessive daydreaming. I have multiple university degrees across different disciplines and can speak multiple languages. I am a young adult with a creative brain. You tell me.