Summary

A clinical psychologist recounts overcoming Bipolar Disorder through a self-tailored approach after conventional medication and therapy failed, influenced by a significant life change and the support of her husband.

Abstract

The author, a clinical psychologist, shares a personal account of battling Bipolar Disorder for a decade. Despite medication and therapy, the condition persisted, leading to severe side effects and a suicidal state. A pivotal moment came with her marriage and relocation to America, where a sudden halt in medication due to lost luggage and lack of insurance initiated a period of intense withdrawal, including insomnia and other health issues. With her new husband's encouragement and a one-year commitment to improvement, the author embarked on a self-designed lifestyle change, eventually returning to a stable mental state without the need for medication or therapy. The journey included a Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP), which was adapted for home use due to financial constraints, and the incorporation of self-help programs and life coaching. The author emphasizes the belief that no mental health condition is incurable and advocates for challenging conventional psychological beliefs.

Opinions

The author initially doubted the possibility of overcoming Bipolar Disorder, considering it a lifelong condition.
The husband's optimistic perspective on the author's ability to recover is highlighted as a key motivational factor.
The author expresses skepticism about the mainstream psychological approach to mental health, particularly the notion of "incurable" diseases and the emphasis on lifelong therapy and medication.
There is a critical view of the mental health care system in the author's home country, noting a lack of proper programs and qualified professionals.
The author's family held superstitious beliefs about mental illness, attributing it to black magic and possession.
The author believes in the power of self-directed healing and the importance of stepping outside conventional treatment paradigms.

How I Defeated Bipolar Disorder: A Clinical Psychologist’s Painful Journey

A Self-Tailored Approach.

I am a Clinical Psychologist who suffered from Bipolar Disorder for the last 10 years. I was able to overcome my mental condition. Something that people had told me was “genetic and incurable”.

I took medication and therapy for the last 10 years, on-off and it never worked the way I wanted it to, it did not make me healthy. I was still suicidal and self-destructive. The medication also caused heart problems and other health issues.

Two years ago my life changed drastically. I got married and moved to America. Before marriage I had made a promise to myself, I will start living. I will do my best to work on life.

Only if life were that simple, when I reached America, my bags went missing and that had my medication. I had to stop my meds abruptly as I didn’t have any insurance or any way of getting it. And if anyone has ever met someone who takes psychiatric medication will know… You never stop psychiatric medicines abruptly. Never.

My most severe withdrawal symptom- apart from other ones- was: Insomnia. I did not sleep for five months, if I was lucky I got two hours of sleep each night.

(And yes, we had tried everything- melatonin, lavender oil, blackout curtains, exhausting myself physically, etc. I was a mess. My acid reflux was terrible- I couldn’t eat anymore- I kept throwing up every time I ate. My tachycardia was bad. I was passing out randomly. We could not be intimate I would faint during or after it. I was losing a lot of weight. My mood was everywhere.)

And can you believe I was a newlywed in an arranged marriage- as in my husband didn’t know me before. We started talking a week before marriage while I was on meds. I told him about my mental health before I got married, of course. But he had not signed up for this.

But he always told me this- I can get better. This is not me. This is something I have to go through before I get better. He told me to give him/myself one year. I will be better in one year.

(Honestly, I found it adorable that he was in such denial. I mean, I can never be not depressed, not bipolar. Now that I think about it- I was the one in delusion, not him.)

But I gave it to him, that one year, and so I started making changes in my lifestyle. After five horrible months of trying everything we decided to try medication, I needed it to mellow me down, as I was spiraling out of control. I was in deep depression nothing was working.

So we finally got insurance for me, us. He did his research, and I was in no condition to function at all. We found a good psychiatrist who recommended I start therapy as well. After a few weeks though, it wasn’t working. I was too out of control so we started PHP- Partial Hospitalization Program. I did that for a day. We couldn’t afford it. My husband wanted me to do it but I just didn’t want the debt. I was already burdening him enough.

So we decided to start the PHP at home. This is where my sister comes in, she and I together started making the material that would benefit me the most. A self-tailored program. Remember, I was a clinical psychologist, and I was trained to make treatment programs for people. I was sick but I had always been a great student and a great psychologist while training and working.

So while taking the meds, I started making changes in my life which can be found in the articles I publish. And after a year, I spoke to my psychiatrist and we decided to taper down the medicine.

I was doing well for the first time in my life, I was not suicidal, I was not depressed anymore, I was not starving myself, I was not hurting myself. And I was finally sleeping. We ended the medication and I stopped therapy, promising my therapist that I would be working on myself daily and will return if needed.

I joined Mel Robbins Launch Program which also helped me a lot. It taught me about how to pick projects and work on them, finding success in 30 days apart from other things. I also tried spiritual life coaching, which helped me sleep and wake up on time, making schedules and other stuff.

So now that you know all this about me: I also want you to know I am trained in assessing, diagnosing, formulating treatment plans, and a lot more as a clinical psychologist. And I still do not believe everything psychology says. There is no such thing as incurable diseases. We just haven’t found the solution yet. Challenge your mind!

My struggles:

My husband had no prior experience with someone dealing with a mental health condition.

He and my family(on call) kept convincing me that it was just the new country and everything being new to me.

The country I come from doesn’t have PHP or IOP programs. Mental health in my country isn’t the best. Third world country problems. Most of the therapist and counselors do not have a license or even a degree.

My mom and most of my family thought it was black magic and possession. It’s a very common belief in the country I came from.

I struggled with a lot of issues as one downhill leads to many in mental illness. Eating disorder, destructive behaviour, sleep problems, depression, and anxiety. And most of all suicidal ideation.

But I think the biggest constraint I had was not letting myself heal because I was stuck in these boxes of mental health. And it was hard trying to convince the therapist to let me go and the psychiatrist to let me go. They wanted me there for life. In therapy. Always on drugs.