My Meds Make My Hair Fall Out, But I Take Them Anyway

I’m not sure I’m making the right choice

My hair is everywhere. There’s hair on my bathroom sink, in my car, and on my kitchen table. Today I even found strands in my dishwasher, wrapped around a clean baking tray.

I had to take apart my vacuum last week because there was so much hair jammed in the bottom. I’ve stopped pulling my hair into a messy bun because I’m afraid it will make my hair loss worse. My hair hangs in limp strands around my face unless I style it. I usually don’t.

Propranolol was supposed to be the wonder drug my mind and body have needed for years. It’s a beta blocker commonly used for cardiovascular issues — which I have — but it also treats migraines and panic attacks. Which I also have.

This popular med has many off-label uses along with the ones I’ve already listed. You can use it for tumors near the kidneys, and it also treats the symptoms of PTSD and OCD. I have 2 of those 3 issues, plus a few others that Propranolol treats.

At one point, I was taking more than 30 supplements and prescription medications per day. It was exhausting, and I hated it. I figured a versatile drug like Propranolol was just what I needed.

And it was, at least at first.

When I started Propranolol, my migraines were gone within 24 hours. My other headaches disappeared as well.

I still felt anxious, but the physical symptoms of my panic attacks — the shaking and dizziness — vanished. My blood pressure was normal. When I used my oximeter, my pulse was finally in a healthy range.

So this is what it’s like to feel normal, I thought.

I was so used to living with pain and other unpleasant symptoms that I didn’t realize how much they affected my life. I had spent months telling my doctors that the headaches weren’t a big deal. “I’m more concerned about my constant vertigo,” I said.

“You shouldn’t have to live with constant headaches or debilitating anxiety,” my doctor told me. “Let’s just try this medication and see how you feel.”

“I’m fine,” I insisted.

“You’re fine, but are you happy?” my doctor asked.

“I’m thankful to be alive,” I replied.

“But are you happy?” he repeated.

Annoyed, I responded, “Okay, I get your point. Write the prescription.”

I’m one of those annoying people who use terms like Big Pharma. I appreciate modern medicine, but I prefer holistic remedies. Interactions and allergies still exist, but overall, natural remedies are safer.

Meds are exhausting. Taking them can kill you. Unfortunately, not taking them can also kill you.

I’m not just being dramatic. If I stop taking Propranolol, I can have a heart attack. My body is used to running on beta blockers. If I suddenly quit using them, my cardiovascular system might go crazy. Herbs and supplements probably won’t save the day.

After all, holistic remedies often work best for prevention, not active flareups. I’ve let my health fall apart too much to rely solely on natural treatments, especially when it comes to my heart. Sure, I’ve lowered my blood pressure with garlic capsules and CoQ10 over the years, but it wasn’t enough.

I can keep up with my supplement schedule, but I can’t stop eating foods that trigger my hypertension. I can meditate and manifest my way toward a healthier life on good days, but I can’t stop freaking out when I drive. I can give up dairy, yet I can’t resist almond milk — one of my many migraine triggers.

I lack discipline sometimes, and I hate myself for it.

I’m crying as I type this article. Nothing is wrong, but depression is a side effect of Propranolol. “It’s rare,” my doctor reassured me.

Turns out it wasn’t rare enough. Depression hit on day two of my new med schedule. On day one, I was overly happy and energetic. I Googled “Can Propranolol cause a manic episode?” and the answer is yes, sometimes it can.

Or rather, sometimes it might. In science, nothing is 100%. You find connections and correlations, not irrefutable proof.

Not that it matters. I don’t need scientific research to verify that Propranolol is bad for me.

It’s not just the hair loss and depression. My nervous system is on fire thanks to this stupid beta blocker. I had a migraine that mimicked a stroke the other day — something that only happens when my body is under attack. The last time I had a hemiplegic migraine was after an anaphylactic reaction to another med, also for blood pressure management.

My body can’t handle cardiovascular meds for some reason. I feel like I have Charley horses on every part of my body, including my chest and back. I’ve gained 10 lbs in 3 weeks despite eating a mostly plant-based diet.

My asthma has returned with a vengeance, which isn’t surprising since Propranolol can make respiratory issues worse. There are warnings all over my medication pamphlet about how asthmatics shouldn’t take Propranolol. When I asked my doctor about this, I was told I’d be okay since my asthma is controlled.

Maybe I could handle these side effects better if I was well-rested. Unfortunately, Propranolol has destroyed my sleep schedule, and I wake up every 20 to 30 minutes. All night, every night.

And yet I continue taking my Propranolol each day.

Every morning, I wake up and ask myself what’s worse: The risk of having another heart attack or the long list of side effects Propranolol causes.

Do I want to deal with headaches 24/7, or do I want to remove clumps of hair from my shower? Is it better to have a panic attack without almost blacking out, or would I rather be able to breathe without wheezing?

Life is full of choices, and sometimes I don’t like any of them. That’s why I emailed my doctor today.

I want to taper off of Propranolol and try something else, I wrote.

That message was a lie, although I believed my words at the time. I don’t want to try anything else. I’m tired of trying new meds and dealing with constant side effects. I’m annoyed with myself for letting my health get so bad.

Why is it so hard to keep my blood pressure under control? That’s the medical issue that bothers me the most. I can live with migraines and panic attacks, but I can’t risk letting my blood pressure spike.

It’s a vicious cycle, blood pressure management. Exercise can lower my blood pressure, but I can’t exercise when it gets too high. It’s dangerous and could result in a stroke or heart attack.

Eating healthy foods can decrease blood pressure, but it takes months for numbers to drop. In the meantime, I can stay on beta blockers that cause weight gain — which is another risk factor for high blood pressure.

Stress can also raise blood pressure. Propranolol helps block the physical symptoms of panic attacks and other mental health issues, but psych meds can do that too. Is a beta blocker really the best choice for my panic attacks?

I have more questions than answers, and it’s frustrating. My doctor will respond to my email soon, likely with a new medication recommendation. When that happens, the cycle will start again. I’ll have to decide which symptoms I’d rather have as I gamble with my health. I feel like every choice is wrong, but at least I’m trying.

Am I really trying, though? Meds are a quick fix for my symptoms, but they aren’t a cure. They can help me recover, but I need to make some major changes in my life. I’ve done it before, but I wasn’t consistent.

I want to be consistent. I need to be consistent. I know this, but I’m tired. I used to be a fighter, but the past few years have taken a lot out of me. I like my life, but I don’t always like myself.

And that’s the real problem when it comes to my health. I take care of my kids and pets because I love them. I don’t buy cheap cat food because I know it will make my feline friends sick. I feed my kids fruits and vegetables each day because they deserve to live healthy, happy lives.

So do I. I need to remember that and make choices that benefit my health daily, not just occasionally. Doctors can only do so much. It’s my job to take care of my mind and body, and I can’t let myself down anymore.