My Match.com Profile Copy

Yep. The real thing.

This reveal was inspired by Roz Warren’s much funner story this morning. Nowhere near as good but hell, I felt like a challenge before throwing myself into packing the moving van this morning. But first, the dawn walk/run.

While this got me a lot of thumbs up it has not gotten me a companion. It has also earned me some very very nasty darts accusing me of being an arrogant self-absorbed asshole. Hm. That’s interesting. Here goes:

Adventure traveler /Bad cook/ Damn good horsewoman/ Crap with math, that’s why I have an accountant /Salads (and yes, I sneak in chocolate almonds)/ NO. Not in the salads. Under the table./Seeking serious. Kindly, no “tourists.” Thank you! /Gym rat /NPR /Frank and honest, especially to men named Frank/ Honesty means that there is nothing on this profile that is slightly fudged, smudged, or soft-focused. WYSIWYG./ Football fan (my dad was the Redskin’s first TV announcer)/ Love hockey and enjoy soccer. NO BASKETBALL or BASEBALL, yawn/ Sneakers, jeans, Lycra, and a long braid AND stilettos, body con dresses and makeup/ Lover of the cosmic joke, and everything is a Cosmic Joke, please, look at our Administration/ Kayaks, bikes, weights, hiking and running shoes /My favorite rooms: my gear room, the weight room/ Horses Dogs Horses Dogs…wait, did I say dogs? And horses/ My favorite target for humor: myself (god what rich material) /Salsa dancer/ Renaissance interests/ Student of religious history/ Fave movies? Lonesome Dove. Braveheart. Hunt for Red October. Seabiscuit. Secretariat. The Alien series. Atomic Blonde. John Wick. The Equalizer (both) Master and Commander. In Order of Disappearance (it’s in Norwegian)/ Prolific writer /Prolific reader of anything and everything./ Possessor of one or two brain cells which, when rubbed together, on occasion can start a campfire. Or fry an egg. Or, light up the inside of a tent./ My best friends are both male and female, and my hope is that we ALL have besties of both/ Robin Williams, George Carlin./ Kind. /I’m a gift-giver/ Generous to a fault /Always and forever up for a hike, a ride, a very long talk/ PhD in cuddling/ Outlier

You: Be in shape. Folks, this is just not negotiable. If we don’t share this value, well. If you consider a golf a sport, forgive me but BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Have: work, joy, a wicked sense of humor, a full life already. Dogs and horses count for points. Not a Trump voter (I’m sorry but this is also not negotiable). Able to receive love. Personal responsibility and the integrity to do what you say you’re going to do. Please, LOOK LIKE YOUR PHOTOS. Kindly, gentlemen, I’ll bet you have had the same experiences I’ve had over and over. When I say athletic and toned, I mean it. To that, research shows that 81% of singles lie on their profiles. It is supremely easy to check the veracity of what I claim, what I’ve done and continue to do, and I by god look like my photos. Please do NOT lie about your age, weight, work history, athletic ability. I could care less about your income, your 401K, your toys. I do indeed care about your integrity. I don’t write checks I have no intention of cashing either financially or emotionally. I’m an outlier, not an outliar. And folks, I live alone, will always live alone. I respect those who understand that alone time is an essential part of appreciating someone else. We all need breathing room. Best of luck on your search.

I have 26 photos on my profile doing what I do: skydiving, scuba, rafting, kayaking, massaging animals all over the world. No soft-focused photos, nothing that hides the wrinkles. It’s all out there. All the photos are recent.

Still single at 67. Mostly likely always will be. Fine by me. Because if I have to hide, downplay, shove aside who I am and the way I live, I don’t want company, unless it’s a very large furball who doesn’t piss and moan about getting older.