My Main Character’s Wife and Mistress Need To Talk

SoulCollage® gets me inside their heads and hearts

That’s them in the SoulCollage® card pictured above.

I am close to finishing this draft of my novel in progress, Man Pregnant! The novel in which a Pro-Life minister, Pastor Silver Sterling gets pregnant with a woman other than his devoted wife, Wendy.

On the fateful Valentine’s Day when a cosmic comet makes fornicating men pregnant, Pastor’s been with his choir director, Pearl. While he blames the aphrodisiacal pate they ate, it’s way more complicated.

Pastor’s about to lose his best friend, and Pearl, her devoted husband. It’s the same man, Parker, wasting away in the ICU.

Logic dictates that the women, Wendy and Pearl need to talk. In film, they call that the obligatory scene. The one the audience expects. And will be disappointed if they don’t see it. And since they’ve been best friends before this, all the most reason.

It’s time to write the scene. Past time, in fact.

And to prepare myself, and get deeper into their heads and hearts, I made the SoulCollage card above. The visceral effect of having the visuals, and the practice of reading cards worked its magic.

I read the card first as Wendy, then as Pearl. That gave me an internal monologue for each of them, rich with useful nuggets. I pulled out the new revelations gleaned from so doing. Here’s what I got:

First, from reading the card and speaking as Wendy:

I am one who can’t believe my best friend would sleep with my husband, pate or no pate.

Yes, I can see how Silver might be tempted. Pearl is everything I’m not. I may be cute, but she’s an elegant beauty with great skin. Busier than I so how does she do it?

She’s talented, with a voice like Aretha’s whereas I can barely carry a tune. She works closely with Silver. So she should know what a self-centered ass he can be– arrogant, needy, judgemental, and insensitive, all in the same sentence.

In fact, as strong-willed and opinionated as they both are, I’m amazed they work together as well as they do.

But working together is one thing, sleeping together, quite another.

Sure, sure, it just happened once. He blames it on the pate. What does she blame it on? After all, she’s Parker’s wife and no man on God’s earth knows how to appreciate a woman like he does. Not only that, he’s a great dancer.

And if he’s a great dancer, I imagine he’s a great lover.

He has to be.

Unlike Silver. Who’s rather…perfunctory…Yes, he covers all the bases, but he’s cooled from hot to tepid.

And yes, I know. Parker’s in a coma.

So Pearl’s hurting. As is Silver.

Yes, he’s her minister. Yes, his job is to comfort her. But it’s not her job to comfort him. Especially sexually. That could get them both fired. What were they thinking? Not about Parker or me, obviously.

That’s what hurts the most. Not that he had an orgasm without me. Heaven knows I’ve had a few hot ones without him. And even if I were to fantasize about someone else, that’s all it would be. A fantasy.

Do I fantasize about Parker?

How do I answer that? Let me say, I could, but I don’t.

Not because he’s not hot. But because I choose not to turn someone like him– someone I admire and look up to–into an object for my pleasure. Even if done in secret, I know that would be awkward, disrespectful, and crude. Not something this God-fearing woman wants on her conscience, or to ever have to atone for.

It all comes down to doing the right thing. And even though it was just once, it was wrong. Wrong to me. And wrong to Parker. If he were to wake up, his heart would break. Like mine. Now we have that in common. But, how could she do this to HIM?

I should be mad, and at some level, I’m furious. But on another, I’m just sad. Like my heart’s been stomped on. With stilettos. And it may not recover.

What I learned from doing this:

Wendy’s a bit envious of Pearl, especially in the looks department.

Pearl’s singing voice is more soulful than angelic, ie rich and bluesy in lower ranges.

Wendy considers Parker ‘hot’ compared to Silver. So is baffled by what Pearl sees in her self-centered husband. In other words, she can easily see why Silver would be attracted to Pearl, But not vice versa.

So not only is Parker an elegant gentleman and backbone of their church, but Wendy finds him romantically hot, not just handsome. Perhaps she could be tempted, but she’s chosen to avoid that at all costs–if nothing else, for spiritual or moral reasons.

Because she respects Parker, Wendy thinks that Pearl betraying him is worse than Silver betraying her. Perhaps belittling herself. Good to know.

Now I’ll read the card and speak as Pearl

I am one who can’t believe I did this.

Not only did I betray my poor, sick husband who’s powerless to do anything about it, but I betrayed my best friend.

By sleeping with her husband. Who in some ways is my boss. And in any event, I’m not even attracted to him.

He’s arrogant, and so full of himself he often can’t see or feel anyone else. Not that he’s lecherous or anything like that. Just that he’s not someone I’d choose as a partner. Even if Parker never came into my life. I just wouldn’t. And Parker did come into my life and I’m delirously happy with him.

Which is why it hurts so much that he’s sick, possibly dying. No. he is dying. Whether I can admit it or not. He’s leaving me, us, the world, his life.

And I don’t know where to put that kind of grief.

When it comes up, I push it back down. Lest it suck me down a black hole from which I may never climb out. I’m scared of losing my mind, it hurts so bad. What if I start crying and can’t stop? What if I go off the deep end, and can’t show up for Abby, or my work? And they have to put me in a nut house?

So anything to distract myself.

Like being a helicopter mom, having two jobs, or anesthetizing myself with sex. If a problem feels overwhelming, create another one just as overwhelming. So I worry about it instead of that.

Silver avoids telling Wendy. So why don’t I tell her?

He needs to tell her. He’s her husband. But if I told her, or when he does, I no longer have a best friend. Bad enough to no longer have a husband, but when he goes, I’m going to need her real, real bad.

Yes, knowing I hurt Wendy and the kids hurts like hell. But not as bad as losing Parker hurts. Nowhere near. Nowhere effing near.

What I learned from doing this:

Pearl feels guilty. She hurt her husband and her best friend. Sleeping with someone she would not normally be attracted to. Someone who often irritates her.

Pearl needs Wendy as a friend. Especially when Parker dies. She knows that will hurt way more than her guilty conscious does now. She’s afraid the pain will make her unable to function.

And she knows at least subconsciously, she did this to numb herself from the pain of overwhelming fear and loss. It’s like the floor’s yanked out from under her feet and she’s falling, falling, falling. Having sex with Silver feels like at least she’s landing somewhere, even if it’s a bad place.

She doesn’t tell Wendy for fear of losing her as a friend. A friend she will need when Parker dies and now, as he’s dying.

Lots of new nuances came to light here.

Including the fact that Pearl’s not going to initiate the much-needed confrontation scene. Much to my surprise, since she keeps telling Silver to tell Wendy. I might need to change that.

I will use these nuggets when Wendy confronts Pearl. They’ll color other scenes as well, making Pearl uncomfortable around Wendy, but unable to say why. That awkwardness has to come out. At least to the readers.

But first, it had to come out to me.

And thanks to making this moment pop visually with a SoulCollage® card, it did.

What’s SoulCollage®?

SoulCollage® is a process of allowing our souls to select and arrange images into collages, typically on 5 X 8-inch matt boards. It’s like creating our personal Tarot or oracle deck. In addition to being ‘read’ when created, we can do readings with one or more cards to answer specific questions.

Marilyn Flower’s a sacred fool who writes every day — fiction, poetry, and blogs — inspired by a process called SoulCollage®. She’s the author of Creative Blogging and Bucket Listers: Get Your Brave On. Follow her Sacred Foolishness or SoulCollage® for Writers, and Stay in touch!