My Love-Hate Relationship with Public Speaking

How One Meeting Changed My View of Stage Performance and Made Me Keep Going Back for More and More

I have been a member of a pubic speaking platform called Toastmasters International for well over a year. I joined their local chapter called Islamabad Toastmasters Club like many other people to improve public speaking. While my main purpose was to boost confidence something strange happened which made me fall in love with something.

All my life I had an opinion about certain people, people who go on stage and speak confidently. And that opinion was not positive, to say the least. I thought to myself why on earth would anyone go in front of a lot of people to say things which should be kept intimate. Whenever I saw someone eloquently speaking and cheering in front of a crowd, it made me feel, well it is difficult to describe what it made me feel but let’s just say, uncomfortable.

I kept thinking that these kind of people are dogmatic and only care to shine and assert themselves. I resented taking part or even attending events which would showcase anyone’s charismatic speaking to the audience. I didn’t even like to watch such shows on TV.

Who knows what life holds for you. Maybe it was my prejudice against such people or something else but life decided to teach me a lesson. I was preparing for an English Language test (IELTS) and finding trouble in the speaking part. Like many people I was comfortable in the Reading, Writing, and Listening portions but lagging in the Speaking part. One of my friends advised attending a few meetings of Toastmasters just to boost confidence. I thought why not, I won’t be going there regularly anyway.

The first meeting I attended changed everything. I was called on stage, given a topic and I spoke for a little over a minute. Every cell in my body ached and tensed. All my senses started operating at their full capacity. I utilized all my abilities and strength from head to toe to keep on speaking for like, 60 seconds.

I never wanted to become a public speaker and still don’t. But the feeling you get from speaking in front of an audience is just ecstatic. Now I understand, why so many people covet it. Everyone has their reason for going on stage and not everyone is like which I previously thought, public speakers, are like. Some people use the stage to climb someplace, some do it because they like to show how good and charismatic they are but some like me like to do it for the feeling you get when you get off from the stage.

I don’t like to be on stage, don’t admire being centre of attention, worst of all I don’t like to speak in front of people. The reason I kept going back to Toastmasters, again and again, became a member and still is, is that the moment I get off from the stage, a strange feeling of calmness and euphoria engulfs me. Why? I haven’t managed to figure that out.

I keep going back for those few blissful moments which I experience not on stage but off the stage. I met many amazing people, made friends who changed my life. The place the likes of which I abhorred all my life is now a big part of me. It provides me with a form of a tonic to keep going in my life.