Summary

Debbie Walker recounts her 33-year relationship with her husband, marked by challenges, forgiveness, and transformation.

Abstract

Debbie Walker's narrative of her enduring love affair spans over three decades, beginning with a chance encounter in a park. Despite the complexities of their union, including past traumas, trust issues, and substance abuse, they have managed to stay together through mutual support and a commitment to forgiveness. Their journey has been a tumultuous one, but a divine intervention during a move to Tulsa led to a profound change in both their lives, freeing them from addiction and solidifying their bond. Now, as they face health issues, they continue to support each other as caregivers, embodying the resilience of their relationship.

Opinions

The author views their relationship as a significant part of their life, encompassing nearly half of it and involving five children.
The couple is seen as opposites in many ways, with the author highlighting their age difference, family status, and societal roles.
Trust was a significant issue in their relationship, with the author's husband violating her trust multiple times, leading to repeated separations and reconciliations.
Substance abuse was a shared struggle that deeply affected their lives, with the author describing an 18-year battle with chemical dependency and multiple rehab attempts.
The move to Las Vegas is portrayed as an attempt to escape their past, though it was an ironic choice given the city's reputation.
The author describes a divine encounter as a pivotal moment that led to their sobriety and changed their relationship dynamics.
The author emphasizes the importance of commitment and forgiveness in sustaining a long-term relationship, despite the hardships they have faced.
The couple's current dynamic is one of mutual support and interdependence, with each partner contributing to their shared life in ways that accommodate their individual limitations.

My Love Affair Is Not Easy

People sometimes ask; how did we stay together?

My love affair is thirty-three years in the making. Almost half of my life and five kids later. Technically, only two children; I had three from a previous marriage.

We were running from things when we ran into each other.

My first marriage ended in disaster. My ex-husband's nefarious activities drove me away to seek safety and peace of mind. I hid from him and myself.

My current husband and then-lover’s dreams of playing college football disintegrated along with the cartilage in his knees. He was realigning his goals when I appeared in his line of sight.

We were two opposite extremes.

I was an older woman touting an hour-glass figure, raven hair, and olive skin that had a fantasy for a younger man.

Sitting at the park with my kids one spring day, I noticed a figure coming around the corner of the recreation center. There walking before me was the most beautiful man I ever saw. Every sinew strained against the skin-tight muscle shirt he sported, and when he turned and winked at me, I melted from the inside out.

He strolled over to my picnic table and asked for directions to the basketball court. I think he already knew because it was right behind me. I pointed the way because I couldn’t form the words on my lips or my tongue. My brain disconnected from my mouth while as I gazed upon his midnight skin and luscious lips.

The age difference was only six years, but it seemed decades apart. Considering I had a family, and he did not. Also, I was society’s perception of a mainstream wage-earner and he was a bad-boy construction worker.

None of this mattered, though, when we fell into each other’s arms.

However, carnal desires are not enough to sustain a decades-long relationship.

Our marriage has not been easy. We carried baggage from past lives into our current. We had to learn to release the burdens that weighed us down.

For example, he violated my trust many times, and I left again and again. He always sought me out, asking forgiveness. I could not refuse. There was no physical abuse, only heart abuse. He chipped away at it so many times; I thought my heart would shatter.

We both started drinking which opened the gate to drug use. I spiraled down into a cesspool of chemical abuse that had me bound for eighteen years. I cried out for help and went to rehab five times. Nothing helped.

We decided to move to Las Vegas for a change of people, places, and things. If you think about it, Vegas is the worst place to escape. It is known to be a haven for people running from their past. Six years later, I received a phone call from my mother that she was sick. We decided to move back home to Tulsa.

Just as we were entering the city limits, I had a Divine encounter.

I can only describe it as a reality shift because I was changed. Instantly! The desire to use drugs was gone! I was transformed. You may not believe me, but I have witnesses who knew me before and will testify that I am clean and sober for the past twelve years.

I think my husband experienced similar effects because he changed, as well. His substance abuse cravings disappeared. No longer did my lover continue to cheat incessantly, he became loyal to me alone. I know this to be true because he never leaves my side.

At this time in my life, he is my support and caregiver. And I am his.

We both have health problems and cannot do certain things. I’ll read while he writes the notes. He’ll sweep as I sit and wipe the cabinets. He helps me walk to the car and I massage his sore shoulders. We work as one.

You would never have thought after all these years we would be still together. You may ask, how did we stay with one another? My only answer is a commitment to the one you love. And leave a place in your heart for forgiveness.

Walk with me and let’s find an oasis in the middle of our brokenness!

Debbie Walker is a great-grandmother, blogger, and writer with a BA in Psychology. Her vision is to help others live the life they aspire to live…one word at a time. Stay in touch with her at [email protected].