My Long-Term Illness Became My Resilience

I absolutely hate admitting I am sick. Fortunately for me, I do not have to do it often. I can get a little cold, or at worse, the flu. I tend to always be in good health. It took me about a month of suffering before I decided to go to the doctor about my skin condition.

On one hand, I was happy I did, because I learnt what was going on with me. But on the other hand, I was in utter dismay. The doctor told me that my skin condition is not treatable. Even worse, it tends to last in patients for long periods. How long did you ask? Sometimes up to five years.

Being the type of person I am, I was very hesitant to tell anyone. Feeling vulnerable and weak are two emotions I try to avoid at all cost. They both weaken my confidence and reduce my motivation to do anything.

Upon telling some of my loved ones, I felt like a complete failure. Not knowing when I was next going to be at my optimum. It made me realise that I will struggle to do some of the things I am used to doing.

At this moment, the thought crossed my mind that I may not be able to bounce back. I was embarrassed to think that because I am the “go-to” person to help others feel motivated again. But it is different when you are on the other end.

A month on, I am still suffering from my skin condition, as expected. And I have to say it is getting easier to live with it. I am starting to learn what things trouble my skin, but adjusting has been challenging. But some of it has been fun as well, like having an excuse to try out new luxurious creams, which I would have never tried.

However, one thing I can certainly take away from this is how I have become resilient. I always thought I was a resilient individual. But my current condition has shown me there is way more to resilience than I thought.

To Live is a Courageous Act

During the first week of realising, I was about to enter a long battle with my illness. I posted this quote from Seneca:

“Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.”

It embodied how I felt waking up every day, knowing that I had to battle my physical health. Attending meetings at work and going for a walk to the local shops became a difficult task. Even showering was a painful task.

Without me realising, simply getting up in the morning became a courageous act. I knew what faced me was a day of struggle and discomfort, but I still dared to face it. Realising this made me take a different outlook on my current situation, and this is where resilience started.

I began accepting that something in my life are going to have to change to accommodate my suffering. I learnt that this did not mean I was weak but instead highlighted my resilience to accept change.

Life became slightly more difficult for me, and I combated this by being kind to myself. And through being kind to myself, my resilience grew.

Self-Care

I could not use any product or do anything I wanted anymore. I have learned to become more conscious of how I treat myself. After realising that life is difficult and that it is a courageous act to take it on. It has become the norm for me to spend a bit longer caring for myself.

Every day I wake up, I am accepting that it is going to be difficult. So, I have begun counteracting that with some self-care. I spend a bit longer on my skincare routine, and I have started waking up without an alarm to give my body the rest it needs.

My illness has caused me to think more about my health and be more gentle with myself. Instead of beating myself up like I was doing at the beginning, I am pampering myself. And that is a sign of resilience, taking a bad situation and using it for your good.

Self-Love

Once I found out about my condition, I was extremely angry with myself. It was not even my fault. I had done nothing to cause it, but because there was no one else to blame, I blamed myself. Amid all this anger and hate for my physical health, it was clear I threw self-love out the window.

But recently, I have been actively taking time out to love myself again. Whether that be spending a bit longer smiling in the mirror or writing articles about myself. The resilience-building inside of me is forcing me to push against hatred and love myself.

Self-acknowledgment

Since the smallest task has now become a bit more difficult. I am beginning to appreciate my small efforts more. Completing a meeting at work or finishing a daily walk are now moments of self-acknowledgment.

By congratulating myself for overcoming difficulties. I am becoming motivated to push against the odds. My illness was causing me to get frustrated at not being able to complete things. But now, it is resulting in more self-acknowledgment.

Finding Joy in the Suffering

We often separate joy and suffering because they are opposites. However, resilience brings them together in a unique way. Due to my suffering, I have two options. Whether I seek joy when I am not suffering, or I find some joy in my suffering.

The first was not an option for me because I could be waiting for a long time. So the latter had to be pursued. And I did not have to go out seeking methods to do that. The resilience being built in me by my illness led me to new ways of thinking.

Highlighting My Growth

With every day comes a new challenge and an alternative method to overcome. Living with my illness is becoming easier and easier as the days go by, and this is something to track.

Through tracking my growth, I am finding some joy in my daily suffering. Although the war is far from over my daily battles are conquered. And that is growth. Because of it, I am starting to find joy.

That is all thanks to my illness becoming my resilience and pushing me to become stronger.

Relating to Others

I have a few friends who also suffer from long-term illnesses. I always thought I understood the troubles they go through to accommodate their health. Although my condition is not as bad as theirs, it has allowed me to relate to them in a better way.

In my suffering, my friendships have blossomed. I have reached a higher level of appreciation for all those in my life with health problems. Also, I have found a purpose in my suffering to connect on a deeper level in my relationships.

This means being more vulnerable and accepting it is fine to show weakness to those willing to support.

Singing in the Rain

“Singin’ in the Rain”, performed by Gene Kelly, always puts a smile on my face. It reminds us that happiness is not based on external circumstances, but rather on what is within. I have learnt over this time that my physical health, although challenging, should not determine my happiness.

I am not saying that we should all neglect physical health. However, it is possible to experience happiness in a poor physical condition. Despite my condition, I have found myself smiling more and experiencing higher levels of happiness. It is all because I am learning to separate my circumstances from my joy.

I would have never done this if I did not enter a period of suffering in my life. Also, not many people ever have to do this. Much of our joy comes from our current situations in life. However, through my illness, I have learnt to find joy despite my circumstance.

Having No Fear

The majority of our fears are born from a destination we perceive to be negative. Such as being scared to get on a rollercoaster because it may breakdown, or feeling sick after. Due to this, many do not embark on conquering their fears because they are scared of what awaits them at the end.

Unfortunately for me, I know my destination. My condition defines a destination for me, and whether I like it or not, I have to accept it. There are just some activities that are going to be harder for me. Many things are going to cause me to experience much pain. I can do nothing about it.

However, I can not lay in bed all day and do nothing. Life must go on. Through my illness, I have learnt to appreciate the journey rather than the destination. As someone who has spent much of my life focussing on my end, I have had to adjust.

The destination is not as nice as I would like it to be, but the journey can be. My illness has shown me that resilience is choosing to continue the journey against all odds. I can no longer fear my destination as I know what it is. And I can not choose to not embark on the journey because this is a matter of living.

Instead of letting fear block me from doing my everyday task, I use the journey to motivate me. Going for a jog will be painful, but the journey is rewarding. And that is all that matters to me. I no longer fear my destination as I know what is coming. What I appreciate is my journey.

Closing Thoughts

At the beginning of this article, I told you I did not think I could turn my condition around. Of course, I want to be back to full health as soon as possible, but part of me is happy this illness came about. Through it, I have become more resilient, and in many ways, it has become a demonstration of my resilience.

I have read countless articles on how to become more resilient. But all the advice from those articles does not come close to the lessons I have taken away from my condition.

It is possible for suffering and pain to become your resilience. And I am not just saying that as someone who has read up on scientific papers and articles. I am letting you know from experience. Our longest and hardest sufferings can become the fuel to our resilience.