My life’s earning has left my family at war

And it’s all my fault

It’s been three years since I died. I’m at complete peace now.

Death has reconnected me to some of my dearest friends and several family members. Among them, my father.

My father and I have been able to find time to have a heart-to-heart chat. He often confesses to me the mistakes he made, while I reflect upon my shortcomings. But we seem to understand other. Finally.

But a letter a few weeks back from my granddaughter back on earth has left me crestfallen.

I didn’t have all the means when I started in life. But I worked hard and built myself a decent fortune. I left behind substantial wealth for my family to enjoy. But…

My granddaughter informs me her uncles and aunts are not talking to each other. Even the cousins are at war. Her mother, who happens to be my daughter, is unable to communicate with them. Their grouse: how to divide my wealth? Each of them feels they deserve a larger share as I loved them the most. None are willing to listen to my wife, as she’s not legally nominated to inherit or distribute my wealth.

But then, how could I have? I suffered a cardiac arrest. Doctors tried their best, but couldn’t save me.

This could be your father’s regretful voice. Tomorrow it could be yours.

Death, more often than not, is unpredictable. And making a will is not in fashion. All of us thrive in postponing the decision to put everything off for another day. And often, that day never comes.

Result: The wealth we leave behind is fought over. Little, or plenty, is immaterial.

After all, it’s free. It can change somebody’s fortune: Bring an unexpected windfall, fund a new Mercedes, rekindle the desire for an exotic vacation in the Alps or help get rid of a stressful debt.

Extra money always helps.

Recently, an ex-colleague applied for a long-leave. Reason: to fight for his share of the wealth his father had left behind. A friend finds himself alienated from his siblings because he demanded their father’s wealth to be divided between them equally. When my mother died, I had to fly down to Delhi so that my brother and I could obtain the court’s permission to ensure that we could receive our mother’s belonging. A dear friend, who lost her father two years ago, has yet to figure everything his father possessed.

We must get our parents to specify who inherits their money and wealth after them. While they are alive. Else, their hard-earned money may leave the family shattered, and tragically, not due to the grief of losing them.

There’s a lesson for us there: Unless we leave clear instructions, our wealth will cause much bickering, turning our family members against each other.

Worse, instead of winning accolades for our benevolence, we would receive curses.

Resting in peace, even after we die, may remain only an epitaph. Unless we put a pen to our wishes.

Here are five critical things that you should ponder over next Sunday afternoon. The little time you spend thinking over them may leave your family happy and grateful long after you are gone. And let your soul rest in peace. Forever.

1. Have no idea what he has

Does your family know about your assets? Do they even know all the bank accounts you have — I mean the account numbers, bank branches, etc. Do they know how to access the locker key, if there is any? Similarly, do they have the details of your properties and other investments?

And even more important, do they have any idea about your liabilities? Bear in mind, your family members could be summoned to pay your creditors.

Aside. I’m in the same boat as you are. Even my own family has, at best, a very sketchy idea about my assets and liabilities. And I didn’t realize its seriousness till Sejal Sheth, a dear friend, and co-founder of EasyInherit, politely brought it to my attention.

2. Documents missing: Where are they?

A 24-year old colleague married her sweetheart. She’d barely settled into her new home when a heart attack took away her father-in-law’s life. With rituals over, her husband suddenly realized he had no clue where his father kept the documents of the flat he lived? He vaguely recalled his father speaking of a piece of land he’d bought in another state.

If only he could find the documents…

Days of searching produced only one productive result — he discovered his father had a locker in a local bank. But he couldn’t find the damn key! To make it worse, his father had forgotten to nominate him (his mother, who had passed away several years ago, was still the nominee). He spent three dreadful years, including several trips to the court, to obtain permission to access the locker.

Aside. I realize it’s not always practical to let others access confidential documents, lest they land into undesirable hands. Yet, you have to ensure that the details pass on to the right people after your death.

3. Was he insured?

Chances are your spouse knows the answer. But your children may not. Next, does your spouse know other details — the sum assured, policy number, agent’s contact details, etc. And, if you took the policy online, how could she access the details?

Years ago, my client offered its customers a Rupees 1.5 Million ($20k) accident insurance policy upon purchasing its tractor. My company managed the execution. We were responsible for getting details directly from each customer, writing, printing, and dispatching the policy. We also had to record the customer’s acknowledgment upon policy’s receipt.

We would counsel each policyholder to make sure that his nominee had access to the policy. We were surprised to learn our customers had found an innovative solution — they had framed the policy and hung it on the wall.

Luckily, urban homes have safes, vaults, cupboards, and lockable drawers to store important documents. We can also hire a bank locker.

By the way, there is also a government-provided digital locker service available for the safekeeping of digital documents.

Aside. No matter what you choose, make sure that your nominees can access the insurance policies after your death.

4. No will

Innumerable films made the world over center around getting hold of a rich person’s will, and then deviously plot to inherit his wealth. But in real life, drawing one’s will isn’t as popular. Because the process is complicated and requires external help. No wonder most people never get down to writing one.

I remember witnessing my neighbor’s will years ago. He stressed it was cumbersome, but he had resolved to execute one to ensure that his family can be at peace after he left the world. I bowed my head in admiration.

Because not many ever draw out a will.

Why?

The very thought makes most people sick. They believe it could be a bad omen, and might unwittingly invite Yumraja (the Indian death god). There is another reason: they don’t wish to share with anyone the details of their possessions, especially to whom they wish to bequeath what. Yet others don’t get down to it as they are yet to make up their minds about whom to leave what. Still, others believe that there is time.

A dear friend recounted his 88-year-old father inviting him over for a chat to familiarise him about his possession. But on both occasions, his father held back the details. His father passed away a few months later, leaving both hims and his sister in dark.

Aside. Take professional advice to draw a will. It might appear uncomfortable for one or the other reason, but it will leave you in peace and your family happy, and together.

5. The lines on your palm can’t predict an untimely death

A very dear friend, perfectly healthy and happy, never woke up from his sleep one morning. He was 54. My late father-in-law died of cancer in his thirties, but he was mature enough to ensure he settled his wealth before bidding goodbye to the world. I know of several friends who lost their fathers in their fifties and early sixties, with little warning, leaving the family to figure their wishes. All of us know someone close who succumbed to Covid.

We just can’t predict death. Just remember, of the 8 million people who die in India every year, an overwhelming majority are over 50 years of age.

Aside: If you are over 50, you should be worried. Not about dying, but about leaving your family fighting tooth and nail over your hard-earned money that you anyways want them to have.

And if your father is over 60 and still alive, pull him into a room for a candid chat. Check with him if he has drawn his will. If he hasn’t, urge him to do it immediately. Assure him about your objective — to ensure his wishes are honoured.

The next Sunday afternoon is around the corner. Shut yourself in your room, and ponder over the smooth distribution of your possessions after you are no more.

My granddaughter’s letter has left me shattered. Only if I had taken some time out to write out my will…