Tears in Heaven
“If you cried in heaven, everyone would laugh. For they would know you were just kidding.”
Saint Catherine of Siena
My Life in Quotes
I came across this quote some years ago and put it on my Facebook page. At the time it gave me comfort thinking of a place where the sadness and pain of this world didn’t exist. The idea of peace, contentedness, joy, love ongoing forever and ever….a balm to my troubled spirit.
During that time, I was going through some issues with being taken for granted by one person, and rejection by another…someone I liked, didn’t like me. It was painful and diminishing to my sense of self for a time. There was no chance to talk to the person to gain perspective in moving forward. After initially investing in this new relationship, I was effectively ghosted. I have come to realize that this maneuver is typically enacted by those without the emotional maturity to interact with others in a healthy way. Even though I thought I had a pretty solid self concept, this experience rocked me. While it’s not a nice thing for people to do, people who are on the receiving end would do well to remember that the ghosting person has shown you they are not available to reciprocate with a healthy relationship and to cut your losses and be grateful that you were spared additional heartache.
Nonetheless, I was left with the feeling of being unseen…this person had effectively dismissed me as an object, unworthy of being seen as a person with feelings and the need for closure and introspection….
Are there people that we encounter on a daily basis that we just don’t care to “see” or “know”?….of course. One such person for me was a stranger who ended up sitting next to me in a movie theater. She had so much Patchouli on, I had to breathe through my scarf, and I ended up with a migraine caused by the fumes that I was forced to inhale throughout the movie. Why didn’t I leave? I should have. I don’t want to know her — ever. What about a person who taunts someone with a disability, or the man who refused to speak with me about an issue that involved me and instead would only speak “man to man” with my husband? No, I don’t want to know either of them. What about a person who is tattooed and pierced….head to foot? No not really. And why not? I just don’t see myself having anything in common with them. Some would say, that’s judgmental, we are all connected, etc., etc. I actually agree…There is probably something I would like about each and every person I have mentioned. The problem is they have essentially blocked our connection by causing a negative first impression. Now maybe a cruel, misogynistic, patchouli wearing, tattoo parlor owner would relate to all of these individuals, but not me. My advice is, try not to be extreme — either in your actions or reactions. Maybe the lady with the overpowering cologne could not perceive odors. A person’s sense of smell can be damaged by injury, illnesses, and now covid. Maybe the bully has a disability himself. Many insecure people point out weaknesses in others to bolster their own self-esteem. Mr. Misogynist? Maybe he had no role model for treating women, or even themselves, with the respect they deserve. And finally, the tattooed/pierced “freak”? Maybe he’s never felt “seen” or alternatively, is attempting to hide behind his adornments…or maybe he just collects art on his body rather than on his walls.
Amazing how we can relate when we try to understand with compassion, with empathy, with acceptance. The next time you find yourself judging someone, try this exercise: In your imagination, make up a plausible explanation as to why a person may be this way. The possible scenarios are endless, and they may not be anywhere close to the truth, but the amazing part is that it will change you. Your anger will evaporate, your blood pressure will go down, your mood will not be ruined, and you will build up your ability to empathize. With your better attitude you may even experience the good in that person that you believe you would not like to know. My belief is that there is some good in every person….but sometimes it is blocked by the toxic sludge of their life.
Circling back to my original quote that there are no tears in heaven — I revisited it some years later, and the quote hit me differently. No tears, no sorrows….I tried to wrap my mind around that….would the the absence of sadness, the contrast to happiness, make the good moments a little less sweeter? Maybe, but I think maybe in heaven there will be no tears because we will “see” each other to the deepest part of our souls and only love will exist between us.
If we are honest and mature with one another, we can come close here on earth. Can we say how we feel kindly and with honesty? Can we treat others who are different than us respectfully? Can we think of how others might be impacted by our actions? Can we try to “see” each other? Maybe there would still be tears, but they would be tears of a different caliber. That’s why maybe I can’t believe there aren’t tears in heaven, because when two people connect deeply and forgive one another — tears. When people feel great joy — tears. When people feel “seen” — tears.
What are your thoughts…will there be tears in heaven?
