My Life Feels Best When I Ride The Waves of ‘Yes’

Following the flow of what’s working eases my frustrations and redirects me to a happier life

We often hear stories about the terrible twos when toddlers first learn the power of the word no. For a while, the most frequent word we hear coming from their little mouths is NO!

However, when my oldest son was that age I found myself saying no to him far more often than he said it to me.

No, you can’t play with the water in the toilet.

No, you can’t pull the night light out of the wall socket and stick it in your mouth.

No, you can’t yank every single tissue from the Kleenex box. I know it’s super magical to pull one tissue out and another pops up. I get that. But no, we need the tissues to stay in the box in case we need to use one.

I said no so often that I worried he’d get frustrated and think everything was a no. So the next time he stuck something in his mouth that wasn’t edible I directed him away from the no and towards a yes.

That thing is a no. Let’s find a yes.

At that young age, he had no idea that my nos kept him from harm while my yeses nudged him to safer or more constructive activities. All he knew was that the nos came with a frown and an abrupt halt to the activity while the yeses brought about a smile and a window of freedom. There was a happy space within the yes.

Fast forward 25 years and I wonder if, like a caring parent, the Universe is nudging me in a similar way.

It’s no secret that since my divorce I’ve been seeking a companion. I’ve tried dating apps. I’ve joined hiking meetups and pickleball groups. I’ve put myself in all kinds of places to meet men. I even tried a snowshoeing class.

News flash. Men don’t sign up for snowshoeing classes.

But in all these attempts I keep bumping into nos. No, our values don’t align. No, we aren’t looking for the same things in a relationship. No, he met someone else. No, I’m not going to find a man anywhere near a snowshoeing class.

I’ve spent time away from the dating scene and instead went out and engaged in activities I love. But because having a companion is important to me I keep coming back. I knock on the dating door again. I jiggle the handle. But the door remains closed. The whole process takes a bite out of my happiness and makes me feel like a frustrated toddler.

I sat surrounded by all these dating nos the other day when suddenly I had one of those light bulb moments. I thought back to when I redirected my son away from the nos and toward the yeses. The dating scene appears to be full of nos. Maybe instead of banging my head against a wall of nos, it’s time to turn myself toward a yes.

Right now that yes is writing. I wake every morning eager to grab my laptop and type all the stuff I’ve been mind-writing in my head during the wee hours of the morning before I determine it’s an acceptable time to turn the light on.

Time flies when I’m writing and before I know it an hour has passed. I glance at the clock and shriek. Damn! I have to get ready for work.

When I’m at my day job, I think about stories cooking in my head. On my way to work, I sometimes open the notes app on my phone and use the voice feature to speak phrases and ideas bubbling up in my thoughts as I drive.

Writing is my yes. It’s flowing. It brings me joy. Through it, I’ve met some of my favorite people. It’s made my life so much richer.

As I shift gears and focus my attention on this yes I notice my frustration subsides. My contentment increases. My self-confidence grows.

I believe the Universe has my back — like a wise parent nudging me toward what’s best for me. To trust this belief, I must follow where It’s leading me. In doing so I work with its energy instead of against it.

As I reflect on this further I’m reminded of other times when I fought against life’s nos. I didn’t want to be divorced so I stayed in a marriage that wasn’t working. I resisted facing the truth even though I wasn’t happy and there was no indication things would change.

Yet when I finally relented to the wave nudging me to leave, magical things happened. When I moved out, the items I needed to furnish my new place arrived in unexpected ways and everything fit perfectly. I’m not saying the emotional part was easy. That part still lingers and there are days when grief sets in.

But the overarching experience of leaving was a yes. I’m much more happy and relaxed than when I was married.

The same thing also happened when I needed a new job. When I began my search, I focused on finding something in the industry I worked in right out of college. Again, I bumped into a series of nos. I’d been out of it for years and my knowledge base was no longer relevant. So I pivoted towards what I knew. I followed a string of yeses and within a short time frame, I landed a great job.

When I steer myself away from the nos and ride the wave of yeses, my life flows. It’s a sweet spot where things seem to work out for the best.

Accepting the nos and following the yeses is an act of faith. I might not understand why certain things are nos but I must trust that at the present moment, they are.

When it comes to a companion, maybe the right man isn’t ready to date yet. Maybe all those guys I met were nos for good reasons. Maybe I’m being directed away from relationships that aren’t going to lead to happiness or won’t work out in the long run.

While I may never know for sure the why behind the nos, what I do know is that following yeses leads me to joy. I’m finding contentment. I’m finding happiness, endearing friendships, and success.

And right now, all of those yeses feel pretty darn good.

kasey sparks, © 2024

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