My Life

Conversations.

Photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash

Way back when I was ten And stilted in perspective All looked so different then Now older, I’m reflective.

The story is embellished By experience and age And each day at work and play I turn another page.

Things are changed and rearranged. I cannot run or skip. And when travelling distance. I need transport for the trip.

My mind remembers well. The freedom of the breeze Running leaping jumping Swimming in rough seas.

Suppleness, strength and stamina Muscles are as hard as steel Seemingly elastic limbs The pain I couldn’t feel.

Things I took for granted. Now are tangible Perception’s the barometer And dreams are actual.

I walk and talk and stay within Parameters of my ability Careful to step the right way And account for my fragility.

The body’s weak the mind is strong A reversal’s taken place My intellect and wisdom Both now lead the race.

Thoughts filter through my mind. A monologue of life A conversation with myself Truth cuts like a knife.

I’ll keep the conversation The rhythm and the rhyme Continuing to talk about Each day at a time.

Conversations 2

Day by day, there’s some dismay. Anxiety and joy Moods are my barometer Since I was a boy.

Lift me and let me down Which way will I go Each day is metamorphic Where ere the wind may blow.

Rarely there are rainbows Horizons serve me well Outside till the last minute Till I hear the bell.

Moments of mixed emotions Classes held in cloisters Kneeling and devotions Hunting the rocks for oysters.

Staying down at Palm Beach Swimming in the sea Floating on the king-tide Abandoned, young and free.

Fresh fountains of family Favourite friends, uncles and aunts Lying in the green grass Watching growing plants.

Yearning for a holiday Trapped at boarding school Living by fear and discipline And the golden rule.

Friendship on the fringes Leaning on the fence Watching the lazy river Our feelings were so intense.

Maps with destinations Planning the escape Down at Lady Macquarie’s chair A bold move or a mistake.

Then click-clack along the track Leaving Central station Bound for places, we don’t know An exotic destination.

Wrapped in itchy duffel coats Toggles and wooden pegs Bleached hair from a bottle Breakfast of ham and eggs.

Conversations 3

Wolf whistles from the rooftops Brisbane froze in another age Hitch-hiking in northbound semis And turning another page.

On the boats, we’re both afloat. Loading cargo for the islands Not allowed to go ashore Underwater the green silence.

Sleeping rough life is tough High and low tides in Mackay Feeling strong and bulletproof Heavy tasks for big small fry.

On the road without a load Sleeping at Cairns beach on the sand Saltwater Crocs on patrol We’re moved on to dryer land.

Adrenalin pumping through my veins John, my ally and defender Disappearing in a rig heading south But I will not surrender.

Sweating in the northern sun Toiling to make a quid Trying hard to be a man Inside I’m still a kid.

With adventure up my sleeve I headed south for home My mind is changed and rearranged I’ve caught the bug to roam.

Conversations 4

Adjuncts to education Disturbed in mid-stream Getting up to mischief Letting off some steam.

Getting into trouble Driving cars too fast Illicit altercations Misdemeanours of the past.

Then incarcerated Locked up with bad boys No calm only harm No silence, only noise.

Toughened and tormented Sweating in a gym Heaving weights getting strong Muscular and slim.

Then rehabilitation Sent to Outward Bound Strength from a new mentor Equalisation found.

Meaning streaming into my veins Driving the school boat Purpose strength and peace And glad to be afloat.

The start of a new era Reformed by rote and will Off into the blue yonder Rarely staying still.

Conversations 5

Hard training and discipline Underlined each day Assisting in instruction Fun, hard work and play.

Living at Fisherman’s Point On the Hawkesbury River Torturous treks, long canoe trips We aim to deliver.

To serve to strive and not to yield Is the Outward Bound motto Character training through adventure Strong leaders, we follow.

Warwick Deacock is our leader. He leads by example Too much sometimes is not enough Absolute may not be ample.

Instilling new resilience Ambitions to do better Learning the ropes and techniques Ideally, to the letter.

Developing in confidence Also self-control Improving my self-image Feeling entirely whole.

Bonding with my peers Part of a vibrant team Learning the effective ways Of letting off some steam.

Conversations 6

Eager and experienced Opportunity optimised Sailing on the Blue Funnel line And eternally surprised.

A long sea trip to Liverpool The UK is my destination Working as a deckhand Needing no inspiration.

The sleazy streets of Singapore Back in nineteen sixty-one In Aden, there was hi jinx Sailors have fun in the sun.

Then through the Suez Canal The Mediterranean and the North Sea On a Foggy day, we finally dock Paid off ashore and free

Through the Mersey Tunnel Hitchhiking down south My destination London Living hand to mouth.

Conversations 7

Test and try tenacity Endurance and attitude All parts of the quotient Free space and latitude.

Ready for the test and trials I’d been there before Accents and locations Adrift on another shore.

Rope courses and rock climbing Canoes and kayaks too Perfecting Eskimo rolling Just to name a few.

Trekking in the mountains Combating the cold Exhibiting experience Of all that I’ve been told.

Foot races initiative tests Strength and fortitude Quick thinking in danger Application and aptitude.

Being far away from home My family was my peers Nature in its beauty It is magic to my ears.

Beauty in the silvery lake The green and rolling hills On the go at sunrise The energetic drills.

I felt one with myself. My soul and energy All inline most of the time A perfect synergy.

Conversations 8

Tried and truly tested I passed with flying colours Nominated for a gold award Different from the others.

Qualified now to instruct Then to Aberdovey in Wales Circumstance and experience Whalers with red sails.

Captain Fuller, the Warden An ex-World War 2 Navy man He demonstrated survival methods To lengthen man’s life span.

There I met my friend Roger Owen And we travelled to the UK together We bought an old Ford Popular car More complex than a horse to tether.

We instructed at Plas y Brenin. In Snowdonia in North Wales Rock climbing and canoeing And trekking up long trails.

Then up north to Scotland Inverness and Aviemore The Scottish school of physical education More adventure than we’d bargained for.

Hiking in the Cairngorms Hills and vales of purple heather Danger on the doorstop Quick changes in the weather.

Conversations 9

Unexpected outcomes Rock climbing for fun A friend fell to his death The loss of a loved one.

Carried on a stretcher A life was taken too soon No more silver bullets A pale, cold afternoon.

Working on the Hydroelectric Close to deep Loch Ness Despicable conditions We toiled under duress.

Armed with meagre wages Roger and I separated I headed south to Ashburton Once more liberated.

At the Devon Outward Bound In the fierce winter, the snow blew Rescues on the agenda We did what we could do.

Extraordinary experiences Scenery unparalleled Unique and incomparable Thoughts I’d never held.

A holiday in frozen France A tent blew on the way In Versailles, way down south On a one-night stay.

Flu and separation A boat back to Calais Then on the road to Hampshire And another day.

Conversations 10

I spent Christmas in Liphook With Jan and Sheila Faustmann And skated on a frozen lake Just as the fun began.

I dressed as Father Christmas. And blended like family. Dear friends from Australia A near shave with reality.

Then equipped and refreshed. I set off solo for Germany and hitched through France and Belgium. Deep snowdrifts on my journey delayed me.

Speeding through the sleet and rain Fast on the Autobahn Sleeping on mouldy straw Sheltering in a wayside barn.

Staying at the YHA Running in the snow Loudspeakers are yelling “Achtung.” And words we didn’t know.

Driven fast like a blast Of windy wintry squall To Hanover, my frozen destination West of the Berlin Wall.

Working as a coal shoveller At the British Military Hospital Toiling with a Russian The language was incomprehensible.

Conversations 11

Dressed in an asbestos suit Where would the damaged end Shovelling coal from dawn till dusk Slowly going round the bend.

Sleeping in the attic The only place for warmth Too tired for high spirits Or intelligible mirth.

Only paid a pittance. After months of work Counting up the pfennigs Meagre Marks at worst.

Mostly broke, the author wrote I travelled back to the UK Seeking ways to make money And prolong my stay.

Working back at Ashburton Climbing Commando rocks Purchasing equipment From Pandora’s box.

Convoluted emotions Back to Europe in the spring France, Italy and then Greece Is this the real thing?

I didn’t know where I would go Or what the future held Circumstance took care of that The way I was compelled.

Conversations 12

Time went past that wouldn’t last. Minutes turned to day. Times had changed. I’d rearranged The way I earned my pay.

I trained with the experts. And learned multiple skills. Long hours of practice And the repeated vital drills.

Always out of my comfort zone Rappelling across the sea Up and down the endless hills Judged by a referee.

The bodies are muscular. I can’t go wrong There’s little that I fear Little time for recreation A barbeque or beer.

Circumstance and happenings Determined every day Restricted in my attitude And what I could say.

Soaring free up in the clouds The world’s so far below Is it a nightmare or a dream Differences I don’t know.

Down to earth devoid of mirth The road lay long ahead A story for another day Without fear or dread.

©

David Rudder 2021

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