My Life As Swiss Cheese

We’re all a little cheesy

Actually, I’m a mix of flavors. Sometimes I think the day my batch was made, the workers must have gone on strike and just left the all the different taps on and dripping into the mixing vat randomly. Other days I feel like a hand-crafted artisan masterpiece, whose flavors blend together in perfect harmony.

It’s difficult being Swiss sometimes. People get nosy and ask questions about my holes and I can get a little snappy. (That’s my hint of pepper jack coming through.)

On top of that, I’m always losing my keys and there’s a never-ending draft.

I’ve heard it said that holes are how the light shines through, so I guess it’s not a bad thing to be imperfect. Maybe other Swissies will see my holes and feel better knowing they’re not the only ones that don’t have it all together — that they can thrive even with all their dents and craters.

There are a lot of us around, but we’re not always easy to spot. Some try really hard to cover up their imperfections with the latest fashions. Lettuce wraps are all the rage this year. Last year they tried griddle beds. Everyone wanted to get a golden tan, but they got warm and fell asleep on the hot plates and it was disastrous.

I figure if you try to hide your imperfections, eventually they’ll show though anyway, so don’t let them get you down. Go out and live your life!

I try to get along with everyone. The Cheddar types are friendly, even though the sharps can be a little, well, sharp. But if I get a whiff of Limburger, I hightail it out of there. They think everyone should love them because they’re favored by an elite palate.

I do find myself inexplicably drawn to “hams”. My subtlety and their extroverted manner seem to complement each other.

Well, got to run. I’m meeting up with Gouda and Munster and we’re going to crash a crudite party!