Summary

The article humorously critiques Medium's platform features, suggesting radical changes to empower writers, such as self-curation, self-nomination for Top Writer status, and the ability to select their own followers.

Abstract

The author of the article expresses dissatisfaction with certain aspects of Medium's platform, particularly the lack of a 'Self-Medium-Curate' button, which would allow writers to decide if their articles should be distributed to the platform's 60 million monthly active users. The piece also satirically suggests a 'Self-Nominated Top Writer' feature, mocking the idea of self-identification without merit. Furthermore, the author proposes that writers should be able to choose their followers to alleviate the burden on readers. The article is a satirical take on the platform's current state and proposes a laissez-faire approach to content management and distribution.

Opinions

The author believes that Medium is missing essential features like a 'Self-Medium-Curate' button, which could save the company money and resources.
There is a sarcastic suggestion that the current curation process might involve outsourcing to "Asian children" in sweatshops, implying a critique of labor practices and the need for more ethical content moderation.
The author mocks the idea of self-identification as a means to achieve status, such as becoming a Top Writer, without the need for actual achievement or recognition.
The article ridicules the notion that writers should have the power to select their followers, suggesting that this would be more efficient and beneficial for the platform.
The satirical tone indicates the author's view that these proposed changes, while seemingly absurd, highlight issues with the platform's current operation and the potential for a more writer-centric approach.
The author self-identifies as a successful businessman to humorously lend credibility to the proposed laissez-faire approach to platform management.
The article concludes by emphasizing its satirical nature, implying that the suggestions are not meant to be taken seriously but rather to provoke thought and discussion about the platform's actual needs and potential improvements

SATIRE | FICTION

My Letter to Medium

This Advice Should Have Been Implemented yesterday.

There are certain features that I feel this platform is lacking. Sorry Medium, but I’ve had enough. After giving this some thought I’ve decided to come forth with it.

My numerous letters to the Medium corporation were rejected, surprisingly. I think they just don’t know what’s best for the platform. I do.

Add A ‘Self-Medium-Curate’ Button

There’s space just beside the Design Your Profile button on our dashboards. This concept… This new IDEA will work based on trust. You look at your article that you’ve written YOURSELF and you decide whether it should be shoved in the faces of all 60 million monthly active users.

This Will Save Them A Fortune

When should this idea be implemented by? Yesterday. This should have been done already. I don’t know what’s taking them so long.

Think about all the man-hours they have to pay for by outsourcing to Asian children. Our articles are definitely read in sweatshops where they decide whether to curate our content or not. Why not cut out the middle man and let those kids go to school?

Add a ‘Self-Medium-Curate’ button which means that if you decide your article is good enough, and you are not biased at all, then it will be emailed out to all 60 million users all over the world. It doesn’t particularly matter whether the article you’ve written can be understood in their language or if it is in line with their interests. They can learn English.

While You’re At It

A Self-Nominated Top Writer feature is bound to be an instant success. Let’s look at the statistics. 100% of people want to be Top Writers. Not 100% of people are Top Writers. See the discrepancy?

My proposed solution is in line with current Gen X trends for identifying yourself as anything you want to be. Since finding this out I have self-identified as a doctor, an Olympian, and a Nobel laureate. It’s worked wonders for me.

Now, if we could just apply the same thinking to the Medium platform I’m sure we could get some of these kids to read.

After all, what are they going to do? Go to school?

Image by Rudy and Peter Skitterians from Pixabay

Last Feature: Follower Selection

People don’t want to have to follow you. It’s a chore. Sometimes, they have to use the mouse wheel to scroll. Other times they have to actually move the mouse as well. Clicking is always a pain.

In that case, I have decided after careful consideration that we would all be better off if we let the writers do all the heavy lifting. You know, the process of fans becoming your followers.

Since writers have a lot of time on their hands, we should just let them be able to select their followers from all the people on Medium. This means that the readers now can just sit back and enjoy reading articles while sipping soda from their drinking helmets, as you do.

They want to see more from a writer? No problem. They can’t do anything about that. They just have to wait now and hope that that person selects them to follow their account. And if instead someone else selects them as a follower for a Forestry Investment blog, then they’ll just have to learn to enjoy reading that then.

To Summarize:

Cutting out much of the work people have to do by:

Letting writers self-Medium-curate.
Letting writers self-nominate for Top Writer status.
Letting writers select their own followers.

After all, what could go wrong? I find this to be a very laissez-faire approach and I identify as a successful businessman, so I know.

This article is SATIRE.