My Last Day As a Teenager.

To my next decade.

Over my past twenty years, particularly in the last ten, I have grown into myself 100 times over. I have killed and resurrected so many versions of myself, growing and changing. I have met thousands of people coming in and out of my life, each one serving a purpose in that time and place. I have made decisions that will determine the next ten years of my life, or perhaps the next five.

I was the ten-year-old girl coming to school early to read in the library. I was the eleven-year-old girl dressing in costumes and performing in plays, singing songs in the choir. I was the twelve-year-old girl who learned about political differences in the Obama/Romney election. I was the thirteen-year-old girl who moved a hundred miles away to a rural town in Ohio. I was the fourteen-year-old girl who struggled with depression. I was the fifteen-year-old girl who started high school nervously. I was the sixteen-year-old girl with her first broken heart. I was the seventeen-year-old girl who moved for a month to New York City and came of age. I was the eighteen-year-old girl who ran a Mayoral campaign and fell in love with people. I was the nineteen-year-old girl who worked two jobs during a global pandemic and the second civil rights movement.

In a few hours, I will be twenty.

Perhaps it is my innate independence that begins this next decade with newfound internal freedom. My grandmother started her life over at twenty in rural India nearly alone, except with a toddler in hand. I am starting my life over again today, letting go of the past and inhaling the future. I imagine myself flying free as a bird, looking over what will become my life.

Nobody determines where I live next month except for me. Nobody determines who I love, where I go, what I do, except for me. I will soon achieve financial independence and will be free of all boundaries that connect and tether me.

I have learned, to put it simply, not care. I have learned to protect myself from the overstimulation of toxicity that often surrounds me. I often imagine myself with angels wings, protecting me. I am safe because I am the only one who determines what I feel, and how I respond. I do not react anymore.

I am grateful for what was, what is, and what will be.

I have learned that love is patient, love is kind. True love is unconditional and does not see boundaries or obstacles. True love is easy and stabilizing. My love looked like friends who became my family when mine wasn’t there. My love looked like caring and listening. My love looked like random night phone calls and heart emojis. My love looked like trying my best to let go of judgment and substituting understanding.

In the next ten years, I want to obtain my real estate license and sell my first home. I want to save enough from my retail jobs to obtain financial freedom. I want to lead in my University’s Student Government and make real change. I want to write for a living and go to New York City for Journalism school. I want to commit to my life partner. I want to run for office and give back to my state in the most direct way. I want to buy my first house in the Highlands of Louisville. I want to understand love most purely by having or planning a child of my own.

I manifest all of these desires because the Universe is bountiful. These desires, along with personal growth and change, will lead me in the right direction. Whichever path life takes me, I am eternally grateful.

I am grateful.