My Journey With Mother, 93 years old post Mini stroke & Dementia — Day 5

“The Doctor’s Visit” — Life is for the living and as long as there is breath and life within, celebrate it!

By now it had been the fifth day of my visit with mother and thus far only one of those night was near sleepless due to her constant looking for father. Mother had a restful night. She slept the entire night and never got up once to ask about father. Therefore, I had a restful night. Allowed her to awake when she was ready.

Suddenly the door bell rang and it was 8:00 AM and I couldn’t imagine who could be at her door at that hour of the morning. Rushed to the door not to wake Mother. As opened the door, there stood three people with a box. First I thought, “What the hell is this?”, then I realized it was Meals on Wheels as I signed and accepted the box. They left and as I closed the door the house alarm went off. I sprinted to turn off the alarm before it connected to the police department and woke mother up. Thank God neither happened as I returned to bed.

Forty five minutes later, she was up, dressed and had made up her bed. I rushed her to get a bath before the caregiver arrival at 9:15 AM. Just as she was almost dressed, the door bell rang it was the caregiver. Mother finished dressing as I continued to cook her breakfast.

Once I had mother completely dressed and eating breakfast, out the door I went to the gym to workout for about an hour or so. Returned home and relieved the caregiver.

After she left, Mother and I watched a bit of television and later she had a small lunch before going to bible study where we stayed for about 30 minutes before going to her doctor’s appointment to remove the wax from her ears.

While we were leaving church’s bible study, a lady rushed out to greet mother. she explained who she was as she hugged mother. She was a child who grew up in the same church as Mother and I and Mother knew her grandmother, Mother Williams very well. They hugged and chatted!! Mother William’s granddaughter, Helen! It was wonderful to see all the adoration for mother!! It all was a testament as too the impact on the many lives Mother had had and still having on many others.

Arrived at the doctor, checked mother in and she proceeded to get a bit upset and tried to exit the building saying that she didn’t want to see a doctor. I turned around to see her leaving, left the clerk desk and demanded that mother sit down and not act like a child. She rebel but I advised her to stop it and stop right now. This is one of those times that I had to become the parent.

Finished checking in with the clerk, sat next to Mother and shortly thereafter the nurse called her name. They weighed her, checked her temperature and blood pressure. All was fine, pressure a little elevated probably due to the walk into the doctor’s office and her agitation for being there.

Now, into the doctor’s office where the nurse tried to remove the wax from Mother’s ear with little success in one ear and none in the other. After many attempts, she advised the doctor to give it a go and remove the wax from mother’s ear.

The doctor arrived and started to work on Mother’s ear and little bit by little bit, he was able to remove the wax from her ears. He went as deep as he could without puncturing her inner ear, not necessary to go deeper and cause bleeding. Then the doctor asked mother if she could hear better and she confirmed she could. Not sure how much of that was reality or just wanting to get out of the doctor’s office as fast as she could.

We left the doctor’s office and proceeded to meet a friend at the Restaurant, just as we were seconds away from the restaurant, the thought occurred to me that I had left a pot on the stove cooking. I swirled that car around as fast as I could as I contacted my friend that I was returning home for a boiling pot on the stove. Drove like a mad woman, hoping and praying the house was not on fire. Every time I stopped at a traffic light, it seemed like hours before the light changed. Finally I turned in the direction of mother’s house, no fire truck in sight, I was happy. Turned down her street, no smoke from the house, I am happy. I hoped that the house was not smoked up inside. Turned into the driveway, jumped out of the car, unlocked the door with mother in tow, and discovered that the pot was off and all was well. I was greatly relieved. After both of us used the bathroom, we returned to the car to go back to the restaurant. Contacted my friend who was there waiting and advised I’d be there in ten minutes.

Ten minutes later, we arrived, exited the car and into the restaurant we went. Didn’t really want mother around too many people so I found a secluded area in the restaurant. Her doctor minutes earlier had advised not to take her around people and places due to the coronavirus. I wiped her hands down all the time.

We ordered our meal, and once it was served, I requested an additional plate for mother. When the waitress delivered our food and gave mother an empty plate she asked where was her food and why she had an empty plate. Mother does not miss a beat and refused to be left out in any situation. i confirmed that she and I would share a meal. She was okay with that. As we dined and chatted together, it proved to be a wonderful lunch outing for all. We bid our thanks and farewell to my friend.

We left to visit my brother who lived nearby the restaurant but wasn’t home. Then we went to visit another friend, she wasn’t home. Called another and she didn’t answer either of her phone but soon called me back. She advised to embarrassed how she looked and didn’t want me to see her like she was but her son wanted to see me and maybe we could meet up without her. Found this a bit bizarre and decided two attempts to visit my classmate was more than enough. I was done trying. Next stop, finally home.

Just as we returned home, we got a call that my friend whom we had had lunch with minutes earlier had lost her wallet. That put a damper on a pleasant evening. Felt so bad for her as I called the restaurant hoping that they had found it or someone turned it in. The manager advised they didn’t find it and no one turned it in.

My friend wasn’t really sure and wanted to know if I saw her take it out when she paid the bill but I couldn’t remember. Just to show you how in tune mother was as she overheard our conversation, she started to look in her handbag like maybe she had her wallet. I advised my mother that she didn’t have it. Called my friend back and advised her to check her church, house or any place she had been. Back track and try to remember the last time she had it. She thought maybe she left it inside her church earlier and contacted the pastor to reopen the church as he had to come from out of town. All the while, she kept looking around her house in diffident handbags and found it in one of them. When she called to advise what had happened, I was so relieved because it had momentarily marred a good lunch date.

All was calmed, back at home and readied for dinner. We ate and mother washed the dishes and off to bed she went. Mother seem to hear better since the wax removal but not sure. Would see for sure on tomorrow. Mother hadn’t been this busy getting around in this manner since Christmas when the family got together where I demand that she used her arms and legs to strengthen them. Had her walking up stairs in my brother’s home. Five days of being busy, no complaints from her.

On her feet daily for hours along with exercising, had her a bit tired. She seemed to walk better, get in and out of the car better, talking better, and now listening better. She does have mild dementia along with having had a mini stroke but she fights to be independent in every manner, mentally, physically and socially. As her doctor stated when she had the mini stroke, that mother’s fight for her independence was great for her but drove the medical staff and everyone else crazy. He complied that it was good for her brain. She kept those neurons firing in her brain. She worked so hard always be a step ahead in her thinking. Sometimes, it worked my nerves but I took a deep breath.

Mother is a great lady. There are days I wished she didn’t have dementia so she could enjoy all the fun things I like to show and do with her. Because o f her short term memory loss, she didn’t remember lot of the good things we do together but her spirit knows.

Sometimes when she asked the same questions over and over, honestly, does get a bit tiring but I rather have her than not. Also, there are some dementia people who are unbearable. Thank God mother is functional where she feeds and dresses herself. Since the mini stroke, she had come a long way. She is not one hundred percent but much closer than before. I believed that if she had assistance on a daily basis she could and would be 100% but that reality is not going to happen unless she could have more speech and occupational therapy but according to the therapists she had maxed out.

I visited as often as I can, every three months. This time with the coronovisrus pandemic, I must protect her as much as possible. Every time we go out and come back in, I ensured that her hands were wiped down before she’d touch her face or anything.

While I was working in the den, she awoke and set in the den with me but I requested she should go back to bed and she wanted to know why. I told her I was working and she got up and went back to bed after I got up to get something out of my room. Guess she thought I was going to bed.

Turned the television down and continued to work for awhile until I decided I needed to get some sleep to be prepared for when mother would get up very early or earlier than I’d hope. She functioned on her own clock.

It took me a few minutes to calm down and fall asleep. In a deep sleep then I hear mother screaming out names and looking for my father. I rushed to her side, to calm her down and to advise that father had passed on sometime ago. She accepted and went back to sleep and back to bed I went.

I love my mother dearly but care-giving is not easy but required lots of love, patience and knowing when to be the parent and when to be the child makes a big difference at the end of the day.

In conclusion, if you are a caregiver to someone with dementia and/or Alzheimer, always take some “Me” time to regroup and refocus. A stressed out caregiver is of no good to self or anyone else. Enjoyed my peace and quiet until bedtime. This readied me for whatever tomorrow may bring.

E.P. MCKNIGHT, #1 Amazon Best Seller’s list Author, IS A GRADUATE OF FORDHAM UNIVERSITY LINCOLN CENTER, NY,NY WHERE SHE RECEIVED HER MASTER’S DEGREE IN EDUCATIONAL PSYCHOLOGY. SHE IS HONORED TO DEBUT THREE OF HER 10 MINUTE PLAYS AT THE 2012 NAACP THEATRE FESTIVAL.

SHE IS A POET, ACTRESS, ELEMENTARY TEACHER, WRITER, PRODUCER, TALKSHOW HOST, STAGE MANAGER, FITNESS GURU AND A MEMBER SAG/AFTRA AND EQUITY BUT MORE IMPORANTLY A WOMAN OF GOD WHOM SHE CREDITS ALL OF HER TALENTS AND SUCCESS. www.epmcknight.com www.epmcknight.wixsite.com/epfitspiration www.iquestionamerica-fannielouhamer.com