My Inner Family Therapist —

Created by God (and my imagination) to help my unruly children within

This morning I was lying in bed peacefully until my inner children woke up. They weren’t jumping on the bed but were having a shouting match in my head. I don’t know all their names, but I do know they are loud and unruly — and live in me. I also have an Inner Mom and Inner Dad who argue pretty often.

We clearly could use a family therapist.

My foot had not touched the floor before I was aware my inner family was awake. The argument went something like this —

Inner Mom and Inner Dad announce, “It’s Sunday! We get to sleep in!”

Enthusiasm asserts, “I don’t want to sleep. I’m awake! Let’s go write something!”

Bummer says, “I have no idea what to write, and you know how it's gonna shake out; Perfectionist will take too long to find the perfect writing idea, and then Insecurity will sigh and say, ‘Nobody will read it, and I will feel worse than ever.’”

Reality states, “Bummer is right, and we could do more practical things at home today. Writing is fun, but such a waste of productive time.”

Needy cries, “But I want some more attention! It feels so good to see those clapping hands after we’re published.”

Wizard and Arrogant both nod in agreement, “And we get to show off our brilliant creativity and intellect!”

Still, they can’t agree on what to write or if they should pick something else. As usual, their chatter and indecision cluttered my brain.

Inner Dad yells, “Would you all just shut up! You’re making me crazy. Mom, do something with these annoying children!”

Inner Mom replies, “Ok. Everybody, let’s get up now and have some caffeine and sugar. And then we can sit in our bathrobe and watch Netflix.”

Perfectionist screams, “Again?! You’re all against me. I’m trying to form some healthy habits and routines. I wish you would all disappear forever! Everything would be perfect if I were the only one in this lazy and obnoxious mind trap we live in!”

In the past, Perfectionist’s wish had been granted many times — but only for a day or two until they all came sneaking back through the side entrance.

This first session with their Inner Family Therapist ended, and the transcript above is just a tiny sample of her observations.

After the battle, the family was exhausted. Inner Mom decided to put on a bathrobe, pour some coffee, and eat donuts.

And Inner Dad said, “Raising children is unbearable even without their bodies. I wonder if our new therapist understands the level of chaos encased in our large ego-home. What could she possibly do, aside from stuffing them in our cellar?”

Like a schoolboy, Wizard wildly raised his hand, “I know, I know!”

Wizard knew because he read this book:

Me talking now: Jenna Riemersma is a therapist who has written one of the best help-self books out of the hundreds I have read. (And that’s not hyperbole!)

A counseling theory called Internal Family Systems Theory inspired the little scene you just read. The IFS Institute website writes:

Internal Family Systems is a powerfully transformative, evidence-based model of psychotherapy. We believe the mind is naturally multiple and that is a good thing. Our inner parts contain valuable qualities and our core Self knows how to heal, allowing us to become integrated and whole. In IFS all parts are welcome.

I hope you found this to be a fun and thought-provoking piece. And from my inner family to yours — Thanks for reading! (And apologies for eating all the donuts.