My Husband Wants Me to Have Another Man’s Baby

Summary

A woman finds herself in a complex marital situation where she was married to a man she has never met in person, and now her family is pressuring her to get pregnant by another man due to her husband's absence and inability to return to the country.

Abstract

The author of the article shares a personal story of being in a marriage arranged by her mother and her mother's friend. The husband, who works in the UK, has not been physically present since their wedding in 2022, and the family is now insisting she conceive a child with him despite his continued absence. The woman, who remains a virgin, is conflicted and has not disclosed her predicament to her husband or family. She seeks advice and support, expressing confusion about her marriage and the pressure to bear a child without her husband's physical presence. The article advises her to prioritize her happiness and well-being, suggesting she should not rush into decisions regarding starting a family and should communicate her feelings to her mother and seek a resolution that respects her comfort and autonomy.

Opinions

The author feels pressured by her family to get pregnant, which conflicts with her personal values and comfort level.
The woman is in a marriage that was arranged without her consent and without the opportunity to know her husband.
The family's insistence on pregnancy despite the husband's absence is seen as disrespectful and unfair to the author.
The author is advised to assert her autonomy, communicate openly with her family, and not rush into any decisions that make her uncomfortable.
The article emphasizes the importance of the author's happiness and well-being over the expectations imposed by her family.
The author is encouraged to take control of her life and make decisions that align with her own desires and readiness for parenthood.

I said “pregnant how when I did not see my husband”

It all started in 2022 when my mum’s friend came to our house that she wanted to marry me to her son. That the son is outside the state. My mum accepted because they are very good friends, they advised me to marry him that he is going to take care of me which he has been doing through his mum.

They started spending on me, bought me a car, keep buying things for me. In all of these things I did not know who this guy was, they told me he worked outside the state in the UK and he would only come into the State after the wedding.

The mother and mine fixed a civil wedding and only his pictures were there with me. We had a big wedding but did not come in 2022. They took me to his house in California, it was a big Mansion but I was alone there with my sister who had to join me but they kept sending money.

Let me cut the story short until now I have seen him in 2024. Then my mum people called me in January to her room when she visited that my husband was her son and that she wanted me to get pregnant. I said “pregnant how when I did not see my husband” she said she discussed it with the son and he said I can get pregnant.

I said “you should allow me to talk to him”, then the next day, she brought the phone and the guy started saying things to me. That he loves me, and he cares for me. That it will be hard for him to come to this country because he has issues here I should try and make him proud by getting pregnant.

I was shocked and pleaded with me not to tell anyone. I am a virgin and who will deflower me will not be my husband, no ooooh. I started seeing a guy I met at a conference in my church and he is not aware of my issues. I told them I would get pregnant but the truth is I am not sleeping with him I just told them that because of the way they are begging me. I’m 25 years now.

I am in this alone my mum is not aware and you are the first I am telling. I have gotten myself into what I don’t know. I want you to share maybe I will get answers here because, to be honest, I do not understand this marriage I am in.

Hello writer, Thank you for trusting us with this. Dropping by here means that you’re not alone in this. It’s good that you’re reaching out for help. You deserve to be in a marriage where you feel respected and loved, not forced into something you don’t understand or want.

Yes, you’re in a tough spot, and it’s important to take things step by step. First off, you shouldn’t feel pressured to do anything you’re not comfortable with, especially when it comes to marriage and starting a family.

It is clear that you were pushed into marrying this guy without really knowing him. That’s not fair to you. Marriage is a big deal, and you should have a say in who you marry and when.

Before making any decisions, your mom and her friend should have allowed you to talk to this guy and get to know him. It’s not right that they’re pressuring you to get pregnant without your husband even being around. You should know that this is your body and your decision. Hence, nobody should pressure you into starting a family if you’re not ready or comfortable.

Of course, it might be scary, but you need to first talk to your mom about how you’re feeling. Let her know that you’re uncomfortable with this situation and that you need time to figure things out.

And as for the guy you met at the conference, please take things slow. You don’t owe anyone anything, especially if you’re not ready. It’s okay to seek comfort and support elsewhere if you’re not finding it in your marriage. However, it’s essential to be honest with yourself and the people involved about your feelings and intentions.

I’ll advise you don’t get yourself involved in another puzzle without solving the first. You’re still young, so that means you have the time to turn this around.

Remember, your happiness and well-being come first, hence, don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself and take control of your own life.