My Husband Gets Turned On When I Cry
It’s not as weird as it sounds
He wrapped his arms around me while I was trying to fight back another flood of tears.
I can’t remember what made me sad. I only remember what distracted me from my quiet sobbing.
It was the way he held me.
My husband is my big spoon. He folds his arms around me. I settle into him. It makes me feel safe.
But there was something different about it this time. He wasn’t holding me close.
Instead of pressing his body tightly against mine, he kept a few inches of empty space between us.
He wasn’t leaving room for Jesus. He was trying to hide the fact that he was hard.
That was surprising to say the least. Sex was the last thing on my mind. I was so sad it made me anti-horny.
And I wasn’t looking cute, either. Like, not at all. I was still in my frumpy jammies. My eyes red from being rubbed dry. I probably looked as awful as I felt.
Somehow, his cock still managed to stand at attention and stay stiff for quite a while.
I knew he was a warm-blooded guy with a lifetime of fantasies involving big titty goth girlfriends — preferably with big asses to match. But liking girls who look gloomy and depressed is one thing — getting turned on by sadness and crying is something else entirely.
At least his distracting dick kept me from another round of bawling. It’s a bit more difficult to cry when you’re highly aware that there’s a hard cock next to you.
Empathy Boners
That was the first time I noticed him getting hard while I was sad. But it wasn’t the last.
In fact, I’m pretty sure he gets low-key horny every time I get really sad.
Unfortunately for him, I haven’t cried in a while. He’s had to find some other way to get his rocks off.
But I was reminded of all this when I came across a TikTok by a user named Doug.
His TikTok wasn’t my introduction to the idea of getting turned on by sadness. That would be my husband’s awkwardly timed stiffies.
But it’s the first time I’ve heard the name for it — dacryphilia.
It’s also my first exposure to the idea that it’s related to demisexuality.
Demisexuals are people who can only feel sexual attraction to someone after they’ve felt a real emotional connection with them.
And because of that, a lot of demisexuals start to associate sex with big feelings — and big feelings with sex.
Sometimes, those wires get completely crossed. Or as Doug explains it, “when there’s a strong emotion coupled with a strong emotional release, our body just goes, ‘Well now we need a physical one too, right?’”
So, you might get aroused when you cry. Or you might get aroused when your partner does. Because all those huge emotions can get all mixed up together and make you want to feel other big things.
Yaknow, like some mind-obliterating orgasms.
Or even that massive release of endorphins you get when the sex is so awesome it makes you wish you could fuse yourself with your partner and never let go.
That makes a whole lot of sense, but it still never occurred to me before. I guess that’s because I’m demisexual but I don’t get turned on by sadness — my own or anyone else’s.
Crying doesn’t make me want to fuck. It makes me want to get whatever comfort I can. I want to cocoon in my bed. I want to spill my feelings and hear reassuring words. I want to get tight, squeezing hugs — even if it means feeling a hard cock pressed against my ass.
When someone else is crying, it’s the same. I want to comfort them and make them happy — only in a very PG-13 way.
Mr. Austin happens to be demisexual too, and he’s very much in the opposite camp. His dick tends to go up when someone he loves is feeling down.
I asked him why he gets horny when I’m sad. Turns out he’s not exactly sure. He just feels bad that it happens because it’s miserable timing — like getting a laughing fit during a funeral.
So, he’s not sure why he gets aroused when I’m a blubbering mess — he just does.
But I’ve got a few theories for why it happens to him.
Psychoanalyzing Hubby’s Hard-Ons
First, I needed to know exactly what I was dealing with. So, I asked him about mascara.
I wanted to know how he felt about girls with mascara running down their cheeks. Did it stir something inside him to see wet, ashy streaks on a girl’s face?
“Not really, no,” he said. “It’s not like it turns me off or anything. It just doesn’t actively turn me on.”
The fact that it doesn’t pump his brakes didn’t surprise me at all. He’s got a sex drive that’s tougher than steel. It would take something catastrophic for him to lose interest in fucking. A little ruined makeup isn’t going to scare him off.
But the fact that he doesn’t have a thing for girls with running mascara told me that it’s not the waterworks that get him all horned up. It’s the sadness itself.
Doug’s explanation for dacryphilia seems plausible — Mr. Austin’s probably got some of his wires crossed. The “I love you so I want to cheer you up” and the “I love you so I want to fuck you” parts of his brain aren’t completely separate — in fact, they seem to have fused together.
Being horny for someone and wanting to comfort them both involve the same kinds of impulses too. In either case, you want to get closer to them. You want to touch them and hold them. You want to make them feel better.
It’s just that most of us can keep the empathy and the horniness separate. Not my horndog husband, though.
There’s also the fact that sex and masturbation are genuine forms of self-care for him. That’s not a euphemism, either. It’s legit.
When he’s stressed, getting it on will always make him feel calm and chill.
When he’s feeling understimulated, watching porn and jerking off gives him all the dopamine he needs.
When he’s overwhelmed, a good fuck can completely even him out.
Basically, if he has any negative emotion at all, he can almost always cure it by doing dirty stuff. He can literally beat off the blues.
And when I’m the one who’s sad, those same instincts kick in. He wants to make me feel better, and that’s what making things better looks like to the sexually excitable lizard part of his brain. It means getting physically intimate. It means replacing sadness with pleasure. Getting rid of sobs by replacing them with orgasms.
And finally, there’s the fact that he’s a big ol’ daddy dom.
That means he fucks me in a dominant but very caring way. He knows how to take charge while making me feel like I’m being catered to.
He indulges my middle side. He appreciates my brattiness. He loves when I’m being playful. He makes me feel completely taken care of.
That nurturing attitude is part of his sexual style. So, it kind of makes sense that comforting and consoling someone would trigger some horny feelings.
Perv if You Must, But Perv Respectfully
I don’t know that I’ve fully nailed down why my husband gets hard when I cry. I just know that it’s not a big deal.
He’s very respectful about it and that’s all that matters to me.
His hard-on might be obvious — it’s tough to ignore when it sticks out and sometimes presses into me. But he doesn’t make it the center of attention.
His priority is to comfort me, not put the moves on me. He never turns my sadness into an opportunity for sex. He just has some free-floating arousal and it’s no biggie.
It’s sort of funny, really. Which is actually kind of nice. Sometimes it takes something ridiculous to get me to stop crying, or at least start laughing through the tears. And what’s more ridiculous than an inappropriate boner?
It’s kind of sweet too. I know it comes from an empathetic place. That hard dick is just one more way that he shows me he sincerely cares. He loves me so much that he just wants to comfort me, make me feel better, and make me happy.
That just happens to be one more thing his pervy brain has sexualized.
If you liked this article, you should totally check out the How to Make a Blowjob Better for Her (Ball Powders, Avocado Dick, and Squirting Mishaps) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin!
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