My Husband Demanded I Come…I Said No…Now He’s Ignoring Me.

Summary

A woman has decided to stay separated from her military husband due to feeling unappreciated and overburdened by the responsibilities of their home and family, despite his request for her to return to take care of their dogs during his work trip.

Abstract

The author of the web content expresses her firm decision to remain separated from her husband, who serves in the military, due to a lack of appreciation and consistent communication from him. She details the extensive sacrifices she has made for his career and their family, including managing their home, finances, and caring for their pets and child. Despite her repeated expressions of feeling unhappy and unappreciated, she claims her husband has not acknowledged her efforts, failing to remember important dates like her birthday and their anniversary. The separation has forced him to handle household tasks and responsibilities he previously took for granted, leading to frustration and attempts to contact her for assistance. The author feels exhausted and is determined to prioritize her own well-being and that of her child, insisting that her husband must demonstrate genuine partnership and appreciation before she considers reconciliation.

Opinions

The author feels that her husband has not shown adequate appreciation for her sacrifices and efforts in managing their household and caring for their family.
She believes that her husband's inability to handle basic household tasks during their separation underscores the lack of contribution and partnership in their marriage.
The author is critical of the imbalance in their relationship, where she feels she has given her best while receiving the least in return.
She is determined to choose herself and her child over continuing in a marriage where her needs and well-being are not prioritized.
The author hopes that the separation will lead to her husband's realization of the difficulties she faced and foster a newfound appreciation for her role in their marriage.
She desires a partner who is an active participant in their family life and who values and appreciates her contributions, rather than one who expects her to manage everything alone.

My Husband Demanded I Come Home…I Said No…Now He’s Ignoring Me…

My husband called me and said that he needs me and our baby to be back home next month because he has a four-day work trip and I need to be home to take care of the dogs. I politely told him that I am not coming home. We are separated. We will be separated until we’ve worked on the issues in our marriage. You’re not ready to work on them? You’re not ready to be consistent and communicate? Well, I’m not ready to come home. And I won’t be coming home until I feel ready. Since my husband went into the military, I’ve sacrificed every part of me. I wrapped my entire world around his career. He has never appreciated all that I’ve given up for him, abruptly moving away from my family, constantly moving around, tending to everything for our move to be as orderly as possible, taking care of our household, our bills, our dogs, and now baby all while working! I’ve been telling him for over a year that I feel unappreciated and unhappy. Flowers. A card. A simple, “thank you for all that you for me and our family.” Ever since I’ve been gone he’s constantly calling me trying to figure out how to do things. When I decided to separate from my husband, I made sure I subscribed to his email address for our bills. He came home one day and the electricity was off, he called me asking me why? I said I don’t live there, it’s on you to take care of yourself and the home now because I’m not doing it anymore. My husband didn’t even know our mailbox number, he has to call me to ask for it to retrieve mail for the first time. I made sure he never had to worry about much expect doing his best at work. He deals with bombs, so I want him always at his best. But I had to start thinking of myself. He can do his laundry, fold his clothes, put them away from himself, take his uniforms to the dry cleaners himself, pay all the household bills himself, take care of all three dogs himself, cut the grass, clean, cook, and have sex with his fucking self. I organized, decorated, made plans, fix all our problems, found solutions, made dates and scheduled time together, and took care of all appointments for me, him, and the dogs. I did everything. When our son was born all I wanted was to be able to have two hours to myself every other day to work out and do things that benefited my mental health. I couldn’t even trust him to stop gaming and pay attention to our son, that was the day I had to say “fuck this” and focus on me and our child. I’m unappreciated. This past year, he didn’t remember my birthday or our anniversary. Sunday is Mother’s Day, I bet he will not even remember to tell me happy Mother’s Day on my first Mother’s Day. This is why I wasn’t in a rush to go home or work out our marriage while still living in our home because I knew a large part of him didn’t see how much I put into our marriage. Every day he calls me with something else he is frustrated with and I have to walk him through how to do it. I took a lot. I shouldn’t have. I put myself on the back burner, I shouldn’t have. I get his sacrifice to this country but for fuck, I just wanted him to see all I was putting into our marriage. Now that he’s seeing it, and feeling it, he’s been either mean to me or ignoring me because he has to do everything himself. Apart of me wants to say now you know why I was always so sad and angry. Sometimes men just need to go through shit themselves to understand how difficult it is to be their spouse. I can give you my best but that doesn’t mean you give me your least. It doesn’t mean you don’t contribute. You still have to show up in our marriage. I am not your maid. I am not your dog sitter. I am not your life organized. The same way I’m figuring shot out as a single mother, he can figure shit out by himself. My brain is done processing so much and my heart is tired. I am truly exhausted. For me to fly home for four days and then fly back would be more money than him paying to board the dogs. I’ve been texting him asking him for the dates he’ll be gone, so I can call around to get the dogs boarded because I started to feel bad, but now I’m like fuck that since he wants to be mad at me for finally choosing myself in the last two years. I know a lot of women stick it out, but I’m not choosing that path. I’m not doing it because women always end up with the short end of the stick. I deserve a husband who will be my partner, who I can trust to feed and change our child when I want to take two hours to myself to work out. I want a partner who appreciates me. The longer my husband ignores me the more I believe he understands how difficult it is to do everything for the household and work. But I guess his job trunks everything, but not to me. Sorry, not sorry. I deserve to be cared for and appreciated. I deserve help from my partner. I shouldn’t have to manage our life alone and I’m not going to. I hope during this time that he’s so angry with me that he finally learns to be appreciative of me and understands that I’m serious about not coming home until we’ve worked through our issues.