Queen Bee Chronicles

My Honey Bear is Entangled With the Queen Bee

No, not that Queen B. silly rabbit

It’s not unusual for my retired hubby to call me at work with an unexpected tale of sorts.

Truth be told, he’s the real storyteller in the family. The man’s memory bank holds more stories than Barbara Cartland — the Guinness World Record holder for the most novels written in one year.

We call my hubby’s unpredictable tales “bump-ins.” A term borrowed from a bubbly Uber driver we met a few years ago on the way to a concert in San Francisco. They’re defined as short stories interconnected through unexplainable strangeness, sometimes awe-producing.

Back to the call.

“What’s up boo?”

“You won’t believe this,” said the hubby.

“What?”

“A black and white furry bumblebee flew into the house. I didn’t want to kill it, so I trapped it in between the screen and window. Then when I scooped it up with a paper towel and released it back outside, more bees were swarming around our porch light — there’s a nest inside.”

I’m cracking up.

Seriously? On top of living while Black, death, and taxes — now I need to worry about bees flying into the house? C’mon almighty universe — work with me.

“Well, I’m researching what to do. I don’t want to kill them, but the last thing we need is for them to get inside, sting us or the dog.”

When I walked into the house eight hours later or less from work, the hubby sat visibly exasperated in the chair near the window. Glued to his phone, discovering all there was to know about the bee kingdom.

Once his mind gets a hold of something, he travels down every rabbit hole at his fingertips. I’m the lucky recipient of all the information he’s amassed in one day.

“I haven’t moved. I called a couple of exterminators, but they want two hundred dollars to extinguish them — I don’t want to kill them. Vinegar and lavender are supposed to be natural repellents.

“You should have seen me with my sunglasses on spraying, ducking, and running into the house.”

Then he discovered bees like lavender. Who doesn’t?

This fiasco apparently ruined his entire plan for the day — exercising the dog at the park, eating, and possibly going to the chiropractor. Tsk, tsk.

“Oh, and did you know facial recognition is one of a bee’s natural talents? They can remember your face for two days and will follow you up to a mile.

“Weren’t you sitting outside on the patio reading yesterday? You better be careful not to mess with them — they know who you are now,” he said.

This is where the saying, truth is stranger than fiction applies. I can’t make this shit up.

“I’m afraid they might work their way into the wall inside the house and create an odor.

“Huh?”

“That’s what I read.”

“Oh lord.”

“And they’re probably protecting the queen bee — she’s nestled inside while the worker bees go out. I don’t want her disturbed.”

Wait, have I lost my crown to the queen bee? It’s become painstakingly clear someone has demoted me to a worker bee. I wonder how long worker bees live — all that flying around, pollinating, and stinging has got to be exhausting. On second thought.

I’m not about to share my crown — me and Ms. Queen Bee may need to sit down and have a come to Jesus meeting. She needs to know I’m the bee’s knees in this household. Girl, you’re not the only one with a stinger.

I noticed a CVS bag full of colorful ribbon strips and what appeared to be Mardi Gras beads on the bed.

“Is this for the party?”

“No, I stopped an Orkin man on the street. He told me it would discourage the bees from nesting. They don’t like things hanging and flopping in front of their entrance.” Who stops an Orkin man on the street?

Great, we’re redecorating for the queen bee and her crew. Pink, blue, yellow streamers mixed in with red beads are hanging from the porch light with the price tag still attached. The neighbors probably think we’ve lost our minds.

Of course, this could have all been avoided if the side panel on the porch light wasn’t missing.

It was our oldest son’s birthday, and we planned to celebrate at our house — which was a hot mess. I started picking up as soon as I crossed the threshold before taking my work clothes off.

My first born is more important. I’m sorry, the bees will have to wait.

Truth. Nothing makes me happier than knowing my honey bear is not only a humanitarian, but thoughtful about our environment and all living things.

Now we interrupt your reading pleasure for a word from our sponsor — Queen Bee. Bees are pivotal to our ecological existence. They lie at the heart of our survival.

Did you know?

The world is home to 21,000 species of bees.

1 in 4 species are at risk of extinction.

As an essential part of our agriculture, their health directly impacts food security.

Bees pollinate one third of the food we eat.

The US has approved the first vaccine for honeybees. (Is this disturbing?)

Without Bees, We’d Lose:

100% Almonds

90% Apples

90% Onions

90% Blueberries

90% Cucumbers

90% Carrots

The next time a bee is circling your head, find it in your heart not to be annoyed. Instead, think about your next meal.🐝🐝🐝