My Hissy But Hopeful Après-Corona Wish List
Ideas For Our Time
I left home at an early age. I had a vague sense that I didn’t belong, & a desire to explore what might be out there beyond my sheltered life. As I look back more clearly, I realize that from the time I was about 12, I began to feel a bit annoyed & impatient with the superficialities in everyone’s life that were taken as musts. It started small. Like wondering why you need to have 23 rooms to live in? Why someone was in the bathroom of a private club crying because another woman was wearing the same dress? Don’t get me wrong. I was born into privilege. A beautiful home on the Main Line, with lots of rooms & a car for each of us. A lovely garden & pond, & a guest-house garage next to an in-ground pool. I went to private schools, & to New York for culture & clothes from time to time. I spent summers in beach houses or in Europe.
But the feeling that everyone’s pressing concerns were not mine grew each year. I was worried about pollution in the Mediterranean, & how bad the air was in L.A. I got teary-eyed when I read stories about the abuse of children or pets. I lost my temper when someone threw an aggressive fit because the wait-list was closed on the $5,000 Birkin handbag, or spoke to people providing service as if they were servants. And I began to look for other people & places that were kindred in spirit. To choose people who cared about things outside their own immediate instant gratification. That’s not to say that I didn’t want, need or dream about things. It just means I was looking for a more authentic & realistic sense of relevancy & priority when I did make a wishlist.
These times sharpen the focus of all of it, for everyone. We are being forced to reconsider our everyday life & priorities & how we can & want to live. It’s a chance, to steal Biden’s phrase, to “build back better.” I am hopeful it will inspire people to examine the foundation upon which we have lived for the last 40 years. It wasn’t working for many people, & that percentage is practically non-existent now. Not to mention the state of the planet as per climate changes & resurging pandemics.
Juxtapositions that come to mind: there’s a big difference between a hedonist who wants diner by candlelight, & someone who has embezzled money because he must have a $6,000 shower curtain. There’s a huge chasm between someone who cultivates a lovely outdoor space, & someone who spreads pesticides that harm everyone all over the area. FYI-Dandelions are nutritious, pretty &…why do you need a perfect lawn anyway? Any great artist will tell you perfection is usually not worth the effort, & it’s most often lacking the allure that asymmetrical beauty has.
Something that’s been on my mind for a few weeks, along these lines. Can anyone explain to me why we haven’t heard about programs to help people from our billionaires, all of whom have made even more money during the pandemic? Where is Jeff Bezos’ city project to establish more food banks? Where is Mark Zuckerbergs’ announcement that he’s donated a few million to help the housing crisis, now amplified by the uphill tick in evictions?
Before you say that I don’t understand wealth or the responsibilities of wealth, please remember, I was born into relative wealth & saw my fair share of how people lived at a certain level. And, I chose to make my bed & apologize to the maid, embarrassed that she was being told to do something I could readily do myself. I preferred living in smaller apartments & houses, even when I made 6 figures. The questions always came to mind-how much space do I really need? I’d rather have a studio, beautifully appointed & full of ambient niceties, than an enormous 5,000 square feet that never really gets used. Where is my money best spent?
On organic food for myself & my dog, so we can stay as healthy as possible in a world full of so many environmental toxins. On travelling to see people I have collected, & truly miss, that are now scattered all over the world. To learn about all sorts of interesting new things, then share them with people I care about. To help my friends, as I know they’ve helped me. To donate when or where it’s possible. Every change of seasons, I try to take stock, & be grateful for what I have, & give away what I really don’t need.
I began delineating what I thought was a waste of money in my teens. I remember crying when someone I’d been dating lost $30,000 gambling. This was in the 70’s. That was a lot of money to lose at a crap table. It wasn’t that he couldn’t afford it, he could. It also didn’t crimp anything I wanted either. I just kept thinking it was grotesque to throw that much money away on something so irrelevant when you could rescue animals or establish aid for foster kids. The same way I decided never again to buy or wear a fur coat, deciding fur was best left on the warm creatures in the world to whom it belonged, to begin with. They needed it more than I did, & they wore it better.
Revising the way we think about what’s important is something that western society is being forced to do. Maybe I got a headstart because I travelled for years & just kept revising whenever I came across something or someone that caused me to rethink. Sometimes out of loss. Sometimes out of necessity. Sometimes because of an epiphany. But instead of resisting, I was fascinated, curious & compelled to try adapting.
Any catastrophe is a great opportunity to focus on what matters, & put your resources where the most important priorities are. Pare down & reset to better suit the times. Redesign what you think you really need. That doesn’t mean living altruistically without a thought for your self. I am a hedonist by nature, so revelling in beauty & pleasure is important to my well-being & happiness. It just means distilling what’s all around you to something simpler, less toxic & ultimately even more fulfilling.
I’m not unique in my view of the changing times. There are all sorts of articles, products & programs leaning into these new concepts, whether by choice or necessity. It’s interesting to see how many innovative ideas & offerings are becoming available. It’s only a matter of time until they become mainstream. The faster everyone turns the page on the way things were, the faster we can create something new & more equitably sustainable.
My apologies in advance, but I am venting a few of my pet peeves I know people will identify with, in hopes of promoting discussions about mindfulness.
People who pull into handicap parking spaces with a justified-” oh, it’s just for a few minutes while I pick up my mail”. You’re not the only one I’ve seen oblivious to how entitled and lazy this behavior is. You can walk. Do so. And take a moment to be thankful you can, & mindful that others aren’t so lucky.
People who leave their car running when they’re not in it. I don’t care how hot or cold it is. turn off your car when you’re not in it, & stop polluting the planet unnecessarily. Have you seen how quickly the earth regenerates when people stop being so blithely self-absorbed?
Please pick up your dog’s poop. Be a grown-up, & a civilized one at that. Teach your children that it matters what you do, even when no one is watching. That includes leashing your dog. I have a sweet dog, but he’s big & black. If he were unleashed, he’d scare people who don’t know him. I don’t have the right to do that.
Still annoyed about wearing your mask? I get it, I really do. But, we’re way past behaving like brats in this crisis. I wear my mask for all of us. No complaining. I have a perennial stuffy nose, so it’s not pleasurable, but it’s not negotiable, or forever either. I keep a saline spray on hand, & use essential oils in my humidifier. It creates easier breathing & a lovely ambiance.
Never impose your sound system on anyone else. It’s simply rude. I am a singer & dancer. I love music. But you might not like my smooth jazz, Brazilian, or Broadway choices. No worries, I close my windows when I rehearse, so I don’t force anyone to listen to my music, even when I think it’s glorious. I had a run-in early one Central Park morning. Someone had a boombox blaring salsa music. I politely asked him to turn it off, or put on headphones. He got abrasive & said I must hate Latin music. Oh dear, really? I tied up my dog, & asked if he preferred Cuban salsa, Brazilian salsa, & whether he wanted a hesitation step in the routine? After 10 minutes of my whirling him about-I love salsa dancing, I explained that 6 am in the morning in the park, people came to exercise themselves & their dogs, or commune with nature, bird-watch & meditate or say their prayers. It’s not the time to force anything on anyone.
We spent about 45 minutes together, & I was delighted with our exchange. He understood the social mores of an early park morning that the vast majority of people prefer to enjoy quietly. He also appreciated that I had learned quite a bit about the Latin culture, & was chastened by his initial assumption that I was incapable of understanding what his music meant to him. These are the things we learn when we each take time to explore. The more exploring you do outside your zone, the more you learn, & the easier it is to “see” better ways to live in the world.
Please bag your trash & dispose of it properly. The earth is not your trash can & others are not here to provide maid service for you. Take pride in your surroundings, & keep your apartment or home, & its’ facade clean & appealing. This creates a sense of community, better property values, & is lovely for passers-by. It not only enhances the beauty of everyone’s surroundings but it’s also a contagious concept. And, with all the stretching & bending you’ll be doing, you’ll be in much better shape. Everyone needs more of that.
Please don’t take or buy up all of anything. Hoarding is rude & selfish. I was devastated as I stood in an aisle in the market watching a woman so bent she could not raise her head. But I could hear her crying because she came out with her walker, & there was no more toilet paper. You won’t die if you run out of toilet paper. Be considerate, & buy just what you need for the immediate future, so others can manage too. There shouldn’t be an attitude of “well, there’s enough for me”, without a thought to those who might be even needier. Karmic return can be impressive, & it’s a 2-way street.
Please don’t rush about in a frenzy throwing everyone else into a nervous panic. It’s not anyone else’s fault, especially the elderly person bagging groceries too slowly for your taste, that you didn’t manage your time more effectively. If you’re always in a hurry, plan to leave 20 minutes earlier, so there's no crunch.
No Pesticides-No Plastics-No Processed Anything
I could write for years on the effects of what these choices have cost us. Suffice it to say-cancer of all sorts is at the top of the list. Breathing difficulties, immune system reactions, & hormonal aberrations run a close second. Sedentary bodies & depressed psyches have led to an overweight, overmedicated & unhealthy, unhappy general population, & pets that are chronically ill. My personal opinions are as follows, but you can fact-check all over the world to verify the soaring statistics in the last few decades.
I have lived just about everywhere, & there has always been some sort of hideous pesticide used that gave me horrific headaches & caused cancer in canines that never existed previously. Yes, there are genetic predispositions in every family & every species, but the increase in cancers directly linked to pesticides in people & our beloved pets is indisputable & preventable.
When people lament that giving up plastic is unthinkable, that’s just being stuck in over-indulgent laziness that is hurting everything & everyone. Plastic is completely unnecessary in everyday living, & it never bio-degrades, just pollutes indefinitely & kills a lot of animals. Look at what it’s done to our oceans & beaches. It’s only been widely used in the last 50 years. We can just as easily get un-used to it when we see the incredible benefits that would result. Besides, it’s extremely unattractive. I’ll take glass, wicker, linen, anything else but plastic.
Don’t get me started on processed food. What we’ve done to our food supply has poisoned everyone. We are heavier, hormonally off-kilter, with a range of allergies & immune system afflictions in rapidly increasing numbers, & too many are chronically anxious or depressed. Why would anyone want to feel awful & be unhealthy, when if the food source was simply cleaned up & simplified, much of our everyday ailments & upsets would disappear? I’m not suggesting that a clean lifestyle prevents all disease or depression, but anyone in the medical & psychological field will attest to the jarring, unhealthy ways our minds & bodies respond to trafficked foods. Me personally? I went looking for answers when I developed high blood pressure. It is indeed hereditary in the women in my family. After spending a summer on trial & error, since I already had what I thought was a healthy diet, I tried eliminating anything touched, stripped or modified, & found my blood pressure dropped 30–40 points within a few days. It turns out most grains are genetically modified, & in my body, they cause inflammation. In my case, a blood pressure spike. No GMO’d grains, no 30 point hike. The same with salt. Natural salt is fine, it has nutrients we would die without. Iodized salt, which is the white table sale used by all, has been stripped. Again, it’s an allergen in my body-spiking my blood pressure.
Then there are the scads of research on what additives, hormones, antibiotics & colorings do to everyone, especially children. Inflammation manifests differently in people. In children, it might be psoriasis or eczema, asthma or bronchitis, early-onset hormonal changes, & of course, ADHD, & a plethora of other newly-minted disorders. And cellulite is now all over everyone’s bodies, men, women & children of every background. These are not natural changes in humanity but induced by unnatural & unhealthy choices.
We currently live in a world inundated with information, good, bad & bizarre-coming at us at warp speed. It is important to take your time, & check out what you’ve read or heard. I have found since I am lucky enough to have friends all over the world, that the same facts, tips, conspiracies, diets, treatments, warnings & such-are being discussed everywhere by everyone. It helps me sift through what might be valid. What might be intentional misinformation to create distrust or chaos? What might be useful to share? Do your homework before you try something, or disseminate anything, especially if it might harm someone physically, emotionally, or societally.
Our world is much smaller than you think, & the ripple effect is faster than ever. Pay attention to your words & deeds. They matter now more than ever. You’ll be healthier & happier-as will everyone in your immediate entourage. And if we all adopt this new awareness, society will respond as quickly as the atmosphere did when we were all on lockdown, & the skies cleared worldwide because there were fewer pollutants being dispersed.
All of the current movements have their foundation in the same concept. Resist. Fight back. Don’t remain silent. Get involved. Change what you can in your own life, & the lives of others. The robber barons, who have been at it for more than a century, are still bribing, misinforming, stealing & lying. They will not worry about you or anyone else but themselves. It’s time for you to be your own advocate. Our world cannot take much more.
Yet those who have perpetrated most of the morass are such a small part of the global community. We are the vast majority. We need to take it up a notch, & act better than they do, & much better than they think we can. We can set humanity on another path. Step outside your comfort zone. & think about yourself as part of something much bigger. Each choice we make has repercussions for all of us, now & tomorrow. Here’s a bit of inspiration from Charlie Chaplin. It was filmed in 1940. Plus ça change…
Best, Concierge Jo-Anna
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