My Heart Lives in Two Worlds
How we manage to move between spaces
When I left the land that gave me birth, it was a sad yet joyous day.
I was keenly aware of the benefits and the risks.
I also knew I would have to pay the piper if I wanted to sing.
And my soul needed to sing — so the piper I would willingly pay.
My heart’s in two spaces
What I left behind were family, love, and community.
I also left pieces of me behind.
I did not know it was always going to be so, this duality of always occupying two spaces simultaneously.
While the land I emerged from nurtured me until I could live outside its womb, after the birth, came the time essential for growth.
I needed to exit the warm darkness of mother's protection to utilize that which I had learned thus far and venture into spaces unknown.
I had already been equipped with that which was necessary for my survival and the rest I would learn in time.
So I separated from that which was loving, warm, safe, familiar, and en route to the airport, scattered tiny pieces of me behind.
In the new land, I was a stranger, looked upon with curiosity, mostly unwelcome, sometimes mistreated, and always unwanted.
I was a lone traveler, and because of that, I quickly needed to hone my survival skills.
A difficult but necessary lesson.
I yearned for the familiarity of love and family to mend my fractured heart.
In the early years, I cried many, many times.
But as each new day arose, a new will I seemed to find.
As time passed, it became easier to integrate into the new world as I moved further away from that which I had known, yet an ache was always there.
Fifteen years later, I would journey back “home” for the first time.
I was sure my heart would finally be made whole again.
I was happy and excited when I finally made it there.
But once the initial excitement wore off, I began to realize, to my surprise, that a piece of my heart was now left in the new land.
I missed my “now home.”
What a dilemma!
I came to then understand that I was now a person who belonged to two places.
The one who gave me birth and life and the one who gave me freedom.
I came to understand that my heart now resides in two special places.
And that it always will.
I love this new land of mine as I love the place where I started from.
I believe I have found the best of two worlds and will always be grateful to the two places that have birthed and supported me as I navigate this life path I have been tasked to overcome.
One important lesson I learned is that my heart will always reside in two places.
Written in response to Ellie Jacobson ✍🏻 prompt — see below
Please check out this beautiful and poignant cry from the heart of a mother from Nicole Sponsel on loss.
Pene Hodge is a mom, a nurse, a writer. She writes because she must. She loves people and is committed to sharing and gleaning knowledge for the betterment of all.