MIDDLE-PAUSE PUMP-PRIMING PROMPT | HANDS

My Hands Taught Me How To Let Go

Mind-body connections

I would be lost without my hands.

After fulfilling my dream of becoming an artist, my hands had other ideas. I experienced numbness and tingling in my right hand.

In the early 1990s, there wasn’t much information available about carpal tunnel syndrome. Or at least not where I lived in Nova Scotia, Canada.

It was a hard emotional time for me. The fear of losing all I’d achieved with my success as an artist. All I wanted was to maintain and continue. I wanted to keep stitching my creations. Didn’t want to change. Wanted a simple diagnosis.

I saw a physiotherapist who was sure my problem was in my neck. I had months of traction, which didn’t help. My family doctor didn’t have a clue.

I couldn’t stir while cooking. Couldn’t hold the telephone receiver with my right hand. My hand went numb holding the steering wheel. I woke at night with my hand tingling and numb.

After a long battle, a chiropractor concluded it was carpal tunnel. I wore a splint to keep my wrist from bending.

I had an EMG/NCV (Electromyography/Nerve Conduction Velocity Study).

In 1993, a neurologist did my surgery in an operating room.

I turned to books as I had in the past when needing help.

I read Love Is Letting Go Of Fear and Out of Darkness into the Light: A Journey of Inner Healing by Gerald G. Jampolsky M.D.

The Power of Your Other Hand by Lucia Capacchione.

You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay.

I faced a choice: bend or break. Accepted I couldn’t keep creating the artwork I was making. I had to change. Or not create my art at all.

I had surgery on my right/dominant hand in January 1993. I continued to go to life drawing classes. Drew with my left hand. I printed with my left hand.

There was a much freer expression in my art when using my left hand. One of not such tight control. Or planning.

Issues with my hand led to more than just healing my hand. It helped heal my mind. My inner thoughts. My need for control. My fear.

I learned to let go. To not hang on so tightly. To change.

Years later, I would also have surgery for carpal tunnel on my left hand. A general surgeon performed the surgery. In a space no bigger than a broom closet. Only one nurse assisted him.

I would also have another mysterious situation with my right ring finger locking. Again, my family doctor did not know what it was. Once again, a physiotherapist diagnosed it. She sent me back to my doctor for a referral to a surgeon.

A “trigger finger” is when the finger catches or locks in a bent position, which suddenly pops straight.

The most painful injection site has been the palm of my hand. About an inch down from the base of my right ring finger I have an X-shaped scar where the surgeon removed the nodule on my tendon.

Years later, my left ring finger started locking and I have a scar right at the base of that finger that sits next to my wedding band.

The lessons I learned through all of this are to adapt and adjust.

Carpal tunnel syndrome is a complex condition and is usually not inherited. However, having a close relative with carpal tunnel syndrome likely increases a person’s risk of developing the condition.

My mother had carpal tunnel and refused to have surgery. She refused surgery all her life. Fear ruled my mother’s life. In midlife, she was told she needed gallbladder surgery and she refused. She never ate fried foods for the rest of her life.

My son and daughter both have carpal tunnel issues. So I do believe there is a hereditary factor.

I believe it’s insightful to look beyond just the physical. That we must consider the psychological side. Mind and body are connected. The two go hand-in-hand. And in my experience, it is worthwhile to explore both inner and outer healing.

Barbara Carter Artist and writer with a focus on healing from childhood trauma, alcohol addiction, and living her best authentic life.

Likes to take walks, read, watch TV dramas, and practice Qi-gong, and work on her memoir series BARBARA By The BAY.