My Grandpa’s Words That Shaped My Life

Sometimes simple words decide our future, whether we succeed or fail. I was lucky; thanks to my grandpa’s words, I succeeded

My grandpa was in his late sixties when I was born. He was eagerly awaiting the birth of his first grandchild, so his biggest dream came true when I came into the world. I was the apple of his eye, and he spoiled me with his attention, time, understanding and endless love. In fact, nobody understood me anywhere near as well as my grandpa did.

Whenever things went wrong, whenever I didn’t understand something, whenever I got distressed, I would run to my grandpa seeking his help, support and understanding. Actually, I’m not sure who I would be today if it weren’t for my grandpa.

The day my world collapsed, and my Grandpa saved me

This might sound quite dramatic because I was only six years old (or even younger), and it wasn’t a true tragedy that hit me, though, from my point of view, the news was absolutely catastrophic! My life was ruined! Or so I believed.

Already as a child, I was drawn towards the activities more associated with boys than girls — like playing with cars, resolving technical problems, climbing trees and so on. My dream (as a six-year-old) was to be a car mechanic. I couldn’t imagine there could be any other job more fun than fixing cars.

One day I was talking to someone, and the person asked me who I wanted to be when I grew up. So full of enthusiasm, I replied, “I want to be a car mechanic. I want to fix cars!” I will never forget the reply that put me in absolute shock: “You can’t be a car mechanic. This job is for boys, and you are a girl!”. “What?! How?! Why?!” — my mind went blank, and I was paralyzed by this news.

I run to my grandpa, screaming, “Grandpa! Grandpa! Life isn’t fair! I want to be a car mechanic, but I can’t because I’m a girl, and only boys can be mechanics!”. My grandpa took me in his arms, sat me on his lap and said words that accompanied me all my life: “You are smart. You can be whoever you want to be in life; your gender doesn’t matter. If you want to be car mechanic, then you will be a car mechanic”.

My grandpa’s words calmed me down and brought hope back into my life. In the end, my grandpa was always right, so if he said I could, it meant anything was possible.

20 years later — my time at the university

I was 15 years old when my grandpa passed away, and my world got put upside down. Suddenly I was all on my own; I had no one who would understand me, I was lonely, and many, many things went wrong. I was the biggest loser (and it wasn’t in a weight-losing competition; it was the biggest loser in life). Everyone told me that I would never achieve anything and end up living on social security. But it wasn’t what Grandpa told me… I still remembered his words, and my Grandpa was always right.

When I was 23, I went to Germany as an AU Pair, and the following year I decided to stay and study there. I had no money or support, and I couldn’t even speak the language fluently, but I saw an opportunity I couldn’t miss. To add to the challenge, I chose one of the best technical universities in Europe. Nobody believed I would ever graduate. People gave me a maximum of one year, and I would give up.

The journey at the university was truly tough. The first year my days were spent at the university, then late afternoons I was working, and evenings I spent either at the language school or the library. With the passing years, at least my language skills got better. I had thousands of moments when I thought to myself, “That’s too crazy, too difficult. People are right; I can’t do it…” But then suddenly, the inner voice came and whispered into my ear, “Do you remember Grandpa? He told you, you are smart and can be whoever you want to be in life. You can do it. You will succeed.”

When I chose the supervisor and the topic for the diploma thesis of my master’s degree, everyone told me, “You are crazy! He is never satisfied with his student’s work, and nobody gets good marks. You will be lucky if you pass. Why don’t you choose an easier topic?!” I wanted to do my master’s in insurance/actuarial mathematics, so I went through with my idea. In the end, my grandpa told me I could succeed in anything I wanted.

I graduated with good and very good marks, and my supervisor was so happy with my work that he was willing to give me very good. The only reason I had the final mark good was my second supervisor from the mathematics department, who wanted me to do the diploma thesis purely in mathematics and with him as my supervisor. I refused, so he said my work wasn’t “mathematical enough”, which was kind of funny because all it was were mathematical calculations and algorithms.

And so I gained my “ticket to freedom” — my degree is recognized all over the world. Not every university is.

Close to 30 years later —life in Australia

When I decided to come to Australia, it bordered on an impossible dream. It took three months to get a tourist visa approved, and the visa had a “No further stay”-condition, which meant under no circumstances would I be allowed to apply for another visa while in Australia, and there was no chance that I would be able to stay in this beautiful country.

I still remember the moment when I looked out of the window of the aircraft that brought me here, saw the endless space and then the few high raises of Brisbane (that, at that time, seemed to me like a bigger village — lol) and the thought crossing my mind “Welcome home. This will be your home”. Though it was a foreign place, for the first time in my life, I felt at home. But how could I stay here? I had a maximum of 6 months in this beautiful country… I didn’t know how it would happen, but I could clearly hear the words of my grandpa “You can do it. You can turn this place into your home”.

The journey wasn’t easy, but I managed to get the condition removed from my passport and applied for another visa. I sent thousands of job applications and received an equal amount of rejections because I had no work permit. At some point, I was homeless, didn’t have money for food, and lived at the mercy of strangers. Nonetheless, one day I got a sponsored work visa, and I made it through; I made Australia my home.

Today I’m Australian by choice. I’m not a car mechanic, but I have a job that I love which is also mainly men-dominated. I’m an IT consultant and often the “only woman in the room”. I live on a farm that I adore, surrounded by nature and animals. I have the life I dreamed of, and all this thanks to my grandpa’s words “You are smart. You can be in life whoever you want to be.” My grandpa told me that my life didn’t depend on my gender or nationality, but on me and who I wanted to be.

Thank you, Grandpa. Thank you for believing in me and always being by my side. I don’t know who I would be or what would happen to me if it wasn’t for you.

Final thoughts

When going through life, I met many people who were better and more intelligent than me, yet they didn’t try to reach for their dreams. They didn’t because when they were little, someone told them… “You are stupid. Don’t even dream about wonderful life because you don’t deserve it. You will never achieve anything. Just obey what others tell you and hope that somehow you will make it through life”. So they lost in the game of life not because they weren’t good enough but because they didn’t have someone like my grandpa, someone who believed in them and made them believe in themselves.

When you talk to a child, remember to tell them who they can be and what they can achieve, and encourage them to believe in themselves, as my grandpa encouraged me to believe in myself. Your words can be the words that will decide about the child’s future, be their inspiration, not the reason for their failure.